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Original poster

Would my partner’s comments about other women bother anyone else?

133 replies

CountingDownToAutumn · 08/05/2026 12:15

This has been playing on my mind a lot lately and I was hoping to kind of exorcise it by getting some other viewpoints.

Dp is amazing in so many ways. We have a 6 week old baby and he’s a great dad. He’s great with housework, does his fair share of night feeds, great with my children from a previous marriage. If I need him to help with anything for them he’ll arrange his work to make it happen. I can’t fault him in that regard.

So the problem… commenting on other women. I feel like we can’t watch anything without a ‘she’s nice’ or a ‘I can’t work out if she’s pretty or not’. I know he looks at women he finds attractive on a day to day basis. He tries his best to be discrete about it but I’ve caught him on a few occasions. I don’t tend to mention it and just pretend I haven’t noticed. It came up once in a light hearted conversation and he made a joke about how he tries to be discrete as to not make the women in question feel uncomfortable. I know he has porn apps on his phone. Again, he’s very open about this and while in itself it’s not a deal breaker for me, the picture as a whole is starting to bother me.

We have a great sex life. He tells me that he’s attracted to me and he’s very affectionate on a day to day basis. He did make a few clumsy comments recently about how I’ve lost a lot of my bum in pregnancy and I need to start squatting which he apologised profusely for when I told him it upset me.

I feel like I shouldn’t be letting this bother me. If we had no sex life and he didn’t pay me any attention it would be a different story but that’s not the case. I’m not naive. I know he’s going to find other women attractive and that’s normal. He’s just so blatant about it which makes me paranoid that he’s comparing me or he wishes I look more like whoever he’s found attractive at that precise minute. Probably doesn’t help that I currently have 2 stone of baby weight to loose.

Am I making a mountain out of a molehill here or would this bother anyone else?

OP posts:
queenceleste · 08/05/2026 13:20

It sounds like his sensibilities about women are deeply influenced by porn. Not that he would know that; porn drenched people don’t know the impact of porn because they are invested in it having minimal impact.

But contemporary porn literally turns women (people) into sexual objects; that is how porn works.

It’s absolutely corrosive and prevents intimacy with one person. It creates a very rigid mastubatory image based sex. It’s just designed to not evolve with the person. I think it creates a perpetual teenager.

I think people need to negotiate porn use before they marry/commit.

It is definitely worth talking about

Original poster
CountingDownToAutumn · 08/05/2026 13:22

He has an issue with the thought of his daughter growing up and having relationships of her own. Frequently makes jokes about how she’s going to be ‘locked in a tower’. So his thinking was if she inherits my boobs and his looks she’s not going to be ogled by so many creeps. I suspect it was a poorly formed joke but completely unnecessary all the same. He’s the equivalent of those joke t shirts that make a point of fighting anyone who makes a pass at their daughter.

I don’t actually think he’d cheat. I don’t think he’d ever have the opportunity. Never goes out other than work or with me. Doesn’t drink anymore. He’s never cheated in past relationships but he’s been cheated on. I know that when he’s been single he’s slept around and I’ve learned not to ask questions I don’t want to know the answer to but in relationships he has never given me any reason to believe he’s not loyal.

OP posts:
WakingUpToReality · 08/05/2026 13:23

I have a 13 year old daughter. The comment about his daughter’s breasts made me physically feel ill. Whether you stay with him or not (I couldn’t unless he grew up) you need to tell him to never talk about his daughter like that again, like a piece of meat.

mochimoons · 08/05/2026 13:28

This isn't just noticing people are attractive, which is impossible to prevent and totally acceptable. He's overtly seeking out gratification by looking at women he finds attractive in frankly gross ways and he's putting you down about your appearance.

He sounds like an awful misogynist pig and I absolutely wouldn't put up with this. Not all men are like this!

WildGarden · 08/05/2026 13:29

MovedlikeHarlowinMonteCarlo · 08/05/2026 12:52

He asked if his little daughter would inherit big boobs or not? That's a bit fucking creepy.

Agreed. That and the suggestion of doing squats six weeks after having a baby make me think the man's an arsehole.

ThatsCute · 08/05/2026 13:29

CountingDownToAutumn · 08/05/2026 13:22

He has an issue with the thought of his daughter growing up and having relationships of her own. Frequently makes jokes about how she’s going to be ‘locked in a tower’. So his thinking was if she inherits my boobs and his looks she’s not going to be ogled by so many creeps. I suspect it was a poorly formed joke but completely unnecessary all the same. He’s the equivalent of those joke t shirts that make a point of fighting anyone who makes a pass at their daughter.

I don’t actually think he’d cheat. I don’t think he’d ever have the opportunity. Never goes out other than work or with me. Doesn’t drink anymore. He’s never cheated in past relationships but he’s been cheated on. I know that when he’s been single he’s slept around and I’ve learned not to ask questions I don’t want to know the answer to but in relationships he has never given me any reason to believe he’s not loyal.

You’re not making him sound any better, OP.

He hopes she has an unattractive face and body (like you), not a nice face and body (like his sister), so that no men will want her?

Thundertoast · 08/05/2026 13:31

'He has an issue with the thought of his daughter growing up and having relationships of her own.'
Have you asked him why? This is really outdated misogynist shit. How old is he?

youalright · 08/05/2026 13:31

I was going to originally say I don't think the odd comment about seeing a pretty woman is awful I do the same when I see a good looking bloke. But this seems excessive and the comment about his daughter's boob's is just creepy.

MightyGoldBear · 08/05/2026 13:32

I'd really reccomend Chris jones therapy for him. Wherever or not he would commit and see the issues he has is obviously up to him.

With your updates op if he doesn't see the issues and want to address them. I would personally leave the relationship on him not being healthy enough to be a good role model/father for my children. Let alone the other issues. Currently he isn't a good father or partner. What you mentioned in your initial post is just parenting that's not him being a great dad at all. The comments he made about your daughter are really concerning.

So sorry your going through this op.

WhosGotTheKeysToMyBimma · 08/05/2026 13:33

Frequently makes jokes about how she’s going to be ‘locked in a tower’. So his thinking was if she inherits my boobs and his looks she’s not going to be ogled by so many creeps

Your update makes it worse

He thinks all men are like him

He knows his behaviour is creepy but he still does it. What does that tell you?

WildGarden · 08/05/2026 13:34

"I know he looks at women he finds attractive on a day to day basis........he tries to be discrete as to not make the women in question feel uncomfortable"

That sounds creepy to me too. I bet other women think he's the pervy guy who they keep catching trying to letch them without being noticed.

This behaviour doesn't sound particularly loyal to you.

Eviebeans · 08/05/2026 13:36

I feel as if men are allowed to get away so easily
if my husband said that to me I would tell him very clearly that I am more than just a pair of boobs

whatisthis67 · 08/05/2026 13:38

Yuk the things some women feel they need to put up with.

Happytap · 08/05/2026 13:38

This is so grim - I couldn't be with him

DinoDoughnut81 · 08/05/2026 13:38

He sounds awful. I can't see much redeeming. I'd hate to be in a relationship like this. One of those guys that that is always staring and rating women. Reducing them to body parts. It is objectifying. And I do realise all men notice good looking women but guys like these are a distinct type.

OtterlyAstounding · 08/05/2026 13:43

WhosGotTheKeysToMyBimma · 08/05/2026 13:33

Frequently makes jokes about how she’s going to be ‘locked in a tower’. So his thinking was if she inherits my boobs and his looks she’s not going to be ogled by so many creeps

Your update makes it worse

He thinks all men are like him

He knows his behaviour is creepy but he still does it. What does that tell you?

This. He's a pervert who's thinking way too much about your daughter's future sexed characteristics and sex life, given she's only six bloody weeks old!

Put all his comments and behaviours together and you get the very clear picture that he ultimately sees women as fuckable objects, even those he's related to! What kind of man thinks that their mum/sister has better tits than their partner? Ew. He sounds like the kind of creep who, at the very best is going to be telling your pubescent daughter her breasts are coming in nicely, just like her auntie's, eh, wink wink, and then try to defend it by saying he's just joking.

Mischance · 08/05/2026 13:45

It would bother me. He is showing by his actions (porn habit, eying up women and commenting on their bodies) that he is happy to objectify women. I would find this upsetting in a partner.

We all know that men appreciate a woman's body, just as we as women might appreciate a good looking man; but to be commenting on this regularly is a bit weird frankly.

He does seem to be sexually fixated as it forms so much of his conversation. Most adults enjoy sex but do not feel the need to be making these comments all the time.

The bit about his DD's boobs is entirely unacceptable and crosses a line.

I am so sorry that you are faced with thi9s difficult situaiotn.

RancidRuby · 08/05/2026 13:46

He sounds repulsive. His comments about your daughter are disgusting and misogynistic. He’s worried about creepy perverts ogling her because he is a creepy pervert himself and knows only too well what’s running through the minds of other men just like him. He doesn’t see anything wrong with these thoughts, he’d rather lock your daughter in tower instead of confronting the fact that he and all the men like him are disgusting perverts who see women only as sexual objects there purely for their gratification.

DinoDoughnut81 · 08/05/2026 13:47

OtterlyAstounding · 08/05/2026 13:43

This. He's a pervert who's thinking way too much about your daughter's future sexed characteristics and sex life, given she's only six bloody weeks old!

Put all his comments and behaviours together and you get the very clear picture that he ultimately sees women as fuckable objects, even those he's related to! What kind of man thinks that their mum/sister has better tits than their partner? Ew. He sounds like the kind of creep who, at the very best is going to be telling your pubescent daughter her breasts are coming in nicely, just like her auntie's, eh, wink wink, and then try to defend it by saying he's just joking.

Show quote history

Yes he's already thinking about the fuckable-ness of his own daughter. Says everything about how he sees women. Constantly assessing them for fuckabilty. So grim.

S0j0urn4r · 08/05/2026 13:57

What would happen if you criticised his cock? He'd be fine with that, would he?

GreenCaterpillarOnALeaf · 08/05/2026 13:58

My DP very much has a spesific type, so when I see women on TV who fit this type I’ll normally make a joke “we’re not watching that” or cover his eyes. I don’t feel insecure about it because I am very much that physical type. I also have quite a spesific type (which he is to an almost spooky T) and when we’re out he will make a little joke. Recently went to a restaurant and there was a waiter who was very much my type, when we left he said “well we’re never going back there again! Also I didn’t tip your little boyfriend!” It’s fine because it’s a bit of banter between us and if it ever did make me/him uncomfortable we would stop.

At the end of the day it’s about what you’re okay with in your relationship. If my ex had made jokes like my DH does, I wouldn’t have liked it because he didn’t make me feel secure. If your DP is making you uncomfortable with these comments ask him to stop. He sounds quite misogynistic and inconsiderate. Is he generally inconsiderate? Are you okay with being with someone who’s probably misogynistic?

The boob thing is absolutely disgusting and weird as fuck though, I think that’s a separate issue that you need to deal with. That would make me have some serious doubts and questions about the type of person he is.

GreenCaterpillarOnALeaf · 08/05/2026 14:01

Okay just read your update… he’s a fucking weirdo

OtterlyAstounding · 08/05/2026 14:02

RancidRuby · 08/05/2026 13:46

He sounds repulsive. His comments about your daughter are disgusting and misogynistic. He’s worried about creepy perverts ogling her because he is a creepy pervert himself and knows only too well what’s running through the minds of other men just like him. He doesn’t see anything wrong with these thoughts, he’d rather lock your daughter in tower instead of confronting the fact that he and all the men like him are disgusting perverts who see women only as sexual objects there purely for their gratification.

Edited

I saw a comment online the other day that said (paraphrasing) 'the worst thing about having a daughter is spending so much time and money raising her, when someone else is going to get to fuck her at the end of it' 😐

OP's DP reminds me of that comment.

thepariscrimefiles · 08/05/2026 14:04

Oh yuck! He is asking whether his own baby daughter will have big boobs when she is an adult. How massively creepy and inappropriate. He sounds like Donald Trump who also talks about his female children in a sexual way.

cordeliavorkosigan · 08/05/2026 14:08

The misogyny is strong in this one.
Like women are really just walking sex parts, all of us, not really people at all. Even a baby, think of those future sex parts. Ewwwwwwwwww.