Am I wrong for giving in and agreeing to split?

[ralsta]

Am I being silly to have ended things?

for context I’m a mum to 2 young children and I’m self employed so very busy!

I started seeing someone last October and it has been going well. I voiced my concerns about not having much free time and he assured me it was fine I was ‘worth it’

fast forward to the weekend, I was due to go round his on Saturday night but I had a very long day at work, didn’t get home until 7:30pm and by the time I’d have got my things together and drove to his it would have been after 9pm so I said I was staying home. He was really annoyed, said I’d messed him around and hardly spoke to me for the rest of the weekend. I told him I didn’t like how he seemed to have sulked/gone in a mood with me for something so small

he then told me he’s reflected and he wants someone who is more available and has more free time…I feel like he didn’t like me for me and just wanted someone for company

am I wrong for just backing down and saying ‘okay, wish you the best’ etc

You’re a busy single mum, tired from a very long day at work, and you let him know you weren’t going to make it. If he was a decent, understanding human being he would’ve be disappointed but ok with it.

Honestly I think you’re well rid of him, you have already got two small children, you don’t need a stroppy man-baby too.

"Backing down" he left you. Its done. There isnt anything to back down over.

Do I think hes "right" to dump you? I dont know. If youd told me you were coming to see and then changed your mind last min, id feel ignored especially if time together is limited. 9pm isnt late on a weekend - take away and a film and still in bed by 11. But if he changed his mind about being ok with your busyness, hes allowed to do that. Even if his reason wasnt a "good" one he can end it. And he has.

So "backing down" is all you can do

@ralsta if you really wanted to see him, you could have. Now I should add that hes also allowed to want something different.

Both my exes have married women with grown up kids, no job, and who can devote themselves to my exes! I dated a man who i was deeply in love with, but who also then decided that I didnt have enough time to date. This was after me seeing him every single weekend and working at his during the week whilst the kids were at school. He just wanted someone there all the time.

I guess im saying when you have kids, you need a really understanding partner.

It’s a pathetic reaction. You have a lot of responsibilities and he knew that and you said you’d see him on the Monday.

"am I wrong for just backing down and saying ‘okay, wish you the best’ etc"

As opposed to begging and crying?

It doesn't sound like you're compatible and it's understandable that you have a lot going on with your work and 2 kids, and I also understand his perspective about wanting someone more available so makes sense to move on.

Being busy is the red herring.

“why make someone a priority when you’re an afterthought”. You made him the afterthought by bailing out on a Saturday night and he’s right to have reflected on that.

I would just accept it and move on, what other choice is there now?

This.

Completely agree.

Thanks everyone. I very poorly worded the OP. It’s been a really confusing few days as he then spoke to me and said he hadn’t ended things, but had told me he wanted someone who was more available? Very confusing. After reading the comments (although some are pretty fucking harsh, but hey what did I expect from mumsnet) it has made me realise that maybe I just don’t have the time to pour into someone. When my 2 little ones are my priority and time to myself also seems to be what I need right now

I don’t think it’s a red herring. OP is not a robot and can’t just switch to the next task without feeling tired.

He could be more understanding but he isn’t which makes me suspect he does not have kids along with a job and house to run. It gets tiring at times and you just want to rest, so that you can have quality time with your partner at some other time.

At least OP knows now where she stands, they are incompatible.

Sounds like it might be for the best anyway, OP.

I think if he was the one for you, you would still have really wanted to see him, and there would have been no question in your mind that you wanted to try and make it work.

You do have my sympathies. Dating is hard when you have so many other priorities too.

@ralsta And unless you try (dating, relationship), you don’t know…. focus on the kids, work and looking after yourself, and try again a bit later when you feel that have more spare capacity.

She didn't let him know she was cancelling until the time they were supposed to be meeting; she should have let him know earlier, simple courtesy.

Sure. But he's a human being. It is ok to have a sub-optimal reaction when you are extremely disappointed.