Am I wrong for giving in and agreeing to split?

[ralsta]

Am I being silly to have ended things?

for context I’m a mum to 2 young children and I’m self employed so very busy!

I started seeing someone last October and it has been going well. I voiced my concerns about not having much free time and he assured me it was fine I was ‘worth it’

fast forward to the weekend, I was due to go round his on Saturday night but I had a very long day at work, didn’t get home until 7:30pm and by the time I’d have got my things together and drove to his it would have been after 9pm so I said I was staying home. He was really annoyed, said I’d messed him around and hardly spoke to me for the rest of the weekend. I told him I didn’t like how he seemed to have sulked/gone in a mood with me for something so small

he then told me he’s reflected and he wants someone who is more available and has more free time…I feel like he didn’t like me for me and just wanted someone for company

am I wrong for just backing down and saying ‘okay, wish you the best’ etc

Well he broke it off. Not you. So you have no choice. So not sure about your question. Your question should have been AITAH for telling him last minute you were not seeing him. The answer is yes.

I don’t think you had a choice, he finished with you.
Cley you need someone who gets that you aren’t always available so sounds like a sensible outcome.

It’s really rude and thoughtless to pull out with so little notice. He’d probably made dinner or other plans. He’s been understanding of your time pressures but this is something else, and I think it’s probable that what he heard was ‘You don’t matter that much.’ I don’t know why you expected him to react any differently.

So being incompatible makes him a dick? JC

His reaction means he really likes her and he doesn't want to be an afterthought. Screw him for really liking a woman and wanting to spend time with her! What a jerk!

Wow sorry this thread seems to have really angered a lot of people haha

so to answer a few questions - I did let him know I was mega busy at about 10am, I’m a hairdresser so can’t just stop and do any work on the Sunday!

I’ve never done this before, ever. I felt unwell and hadn’t eaten a single thing, I was really apologetic and said I’d be with him on Monday still! Then came the strop

and no im not one of those annoying ‘I’m so so busy’ people 😂

so for those saying ‘he dumped you’ etc, he didn’t actually end it and say ‘it’s done’ he was asking me whether he thinks we should and what we should do

Not childish at all. He obviously likes her. She bailed at the last minute. He was probably looking forward to the date. He's perfectly justified in being extremely disappointed. Heaven forbid a man becomes sulky, annoyed, and probably sad when a woman her clearly cares about bails on him at the last minute.

Then came the strop

In what way did he strop?

He told you he was upset and then spoke to you less on Sunday as he was reflecting on the relationship - hardly a strop.

Perhaps you wanted him to beg you to come around still.
Perhaps that’s also why you’ve made the the thread because he’s not begging you to stay.

You’ve both come to the right conclusion that it’s not working.

So he was asking you what you think you should both do and you just said , ok , all the best . Hmm , you certainly are not into him . And definitely not compatible.

I want to spend time with people who make time to see me not see me when they have time, big difference.

i expect that’s how he feels.

seems like you just have different ideas at the moment so splitting may be for the best

Frankly, this sounds like such a stupid reason to break up with someone.

A bit of compromise on your side wouldn’t have got amiss- so maybe inviting him around to yours instead of going around to his if you were tired.

It done now. He’s allowed to have a bit of a sulk- within reason. However, he really needs to grow up and get over it by midday on Sunday. There’s a difference between natural disappointment and using sulking to punish you. You guys need to have a conversation about that.

His making a drama about seeing you more just because for one evening he didn’t get his manhood sucked is actually pretty manipulative. You need to point blank ask him if he intends to act like the relationship’s in major trouble every time he doesn’t get the s&x was expecting. Some blokes are like that, they’re with you for the s&x not because they feel any emotional connection with you. A free escort if you will.

I hope he’s a better person than that and talking about it helps him see what a spoiled brat he can be. Intimacy and connection obviously very important in a relationship, but a relationship that’s in trouble simply because you’re too tired just one night, isn’t a relationship worth keeping.

That’s a fucking disgusting way to talk about someone. A man can only dump someone because he didn’t get his dick sucked? Fucking hell.

What? Who said that’s the only reason a man can dump someone?

Are we pretending the vast majority of replies don't say that at all then?

OP you've been inconsiderate of his time, you should have text him earlier to let him know you were working late, you arent the only busy person in the world. Have a little consideration for others.

What do you mean backing down and not saying no. People can end relationships whenever they wish for whatever reason they wish, the other person doesn’t get to decide they have to stay in the relationship and it’s really concerning you think that they can.

you didn’t say only reason but you did say it and the poster was right, it was a disgusting thing to say and there is no indication this is about oral sex.

i read it and thought wtf am I reading.

You as good as said that’s the reason he dumped her.

How is he a spoilt brat?

Because for a few hours he was quieter than usual as he spent the time reflecting on the relationship.

He sounds very mature for explaining that he was upset and then reflecting on the relationship and then giving his reasons as to why he doesn’t see the relationship going any further.
Nothing about that is spoilt or bratty.

I too would be upset if my DP didn’t come and see me just because he was tired.
He can be tired and have an early night at mine.

Someone being free and choosing to not spend their time with you, says a lot about how they feel about you.

I wouldn’t waste my time on a man who wasn’t bothered about seeing me or not.

I made a conscious decision to stay single a few years ago and for the most part, I've never regretted it.
I work long, stressful, full time hours as a nurse and never leave on time. Nobody gets the exhaustion! I have kids and it became clear that I didn't have the time to invest in a significant other when my youngest was smaller.
I had a relationship with a man I'd met on dating site, who turned out to be married and also sleeping with half the women in the South of England! After getting the all clear for STDs and nursing my bruised ego, I decided it wasn't fair on my children, and have been single for 10 years now.
It's disappointing to be cancelled on late in the day, but you'd been at work all day so he was being a bit unrealistic in expecting you to rush over after and not be completely exhausted, especially as you'd said you were busy in the morning.
I think if he was right for you, you'd still have managed to see each other and he'd have understood you were knackered and let it go.

Stop being so disingenuous. You didn't literally say that was the "only" reason, but you said it was the reason in this case, even though it's clear to 95% of Mumsnet (not known for siding with the man) that there was a much more obvious reason.

I love the backtrack of "he didn't end things"

Also the backtrack of ‘who said anything about sucking dick’ wide eyed innocence.

She was tired after a little ng day. Somebody who doesn't understand that and she wasn't up to a drive and a date is likely selfish, especially if this is the first time she cancelled.

God to people really over think to this level. He was prob disappointed and I doubt it was the first time as he said he wanted someone more available.

ultimately though it’s irrelevant, he ended it. So clearly wasn’t feeling it.

You’re obviously not that in to him, just call it a day!