Am I wrong for giving in and agreeing to split?

[ralsta]

Am I being silly to have ended things?

for context I’m a mum to 2 young children and I’m self employed so very busy!

I started seeing someone last October and it has been going well. I voiced my concerns about not having much free time and he assured me it was fine I was ‘worth it’

fast forward to the weekend, I was due to go round his on Saturday night but I had a very long day at work, didn’t get home until 7:30pm and by the time I’d have got my things together and drove to his it would have been after 9pm so I said I was staying home. He was really annoyed, said I’d messed him around and hardly spoke to me for the rest of the weekend. I told him I didn’t like how he seemed to have sulked/gone in a mood with me for something so small

he then told me he’s reflected and he wants someone who is more available and has more free time…I feel like he didn’t like me for me and just wanted someone for company

am I wrong for just backing down and saying ‘okay, wish you the best’ etc

He has not had a 'childish fit', he realised the relationship won't meet his needs and ended it. People can end a relationship for whatever reason they like.

Don't date then!

Canceling on someone last minute is rude and disrespectful, as is not recognising that your partner is hurt by it and instead turning it around on them saying they are sulking over something small. We'd probably call that gaslighting if the genders were reversed.

If someone is interested in you, then they’ll make the effort to see you.

Your actions are showing him that you are not interested and so he rightly ended it.

I would be really disappointed if a man cancelled on me last minute because he was tired.

Perhaps you are just not able to have a relationship right now.
When you have young kids, sometimes there is just not enough time to date and it ends up being more hassle than it’s worth.

I can see this from both sides. He obviously really wanted to see you and was gutted when you let him down, fair enough and I can understand that, he was waiting for you and you changed your mind last minute, but you are entitled to do that and his reaction was over the top and childish. By the sounds of it you both aren’t that bothered with the relationship, so probably better off cutting your losses.

Backing down and agreeing to split? Doesn’t really sound like you have another option. If that’s what he wants then off he goes I’m afraid

Absolutely this
Op is being really odd saying she shouldnt gave agreed with him
He ended because its not working for him
Honest comnunication,nothing needy or dick like at all

How is it childish to decide to end a relationship as you want someone more available and has more free time?

I wouldn't want to stay with a partner who didn't understand I was tired and needed to rest after a long work day.

I think the error was in making firm plans for after a long work day / making plans that involved you doing further driving after a long work day. Next time, you probably want a partner to come to you or to make plans that are explicitly tentative: if work finishes on time/early you'll do x, if it's late you won't.

If it’s the first time you did this, and not part of a longstanding pattern where this was the final straw for him then no, I don’t think you did anything wrong there. If anything he should have been a bit more understanding that you felt you weren’t up to it, cared about how you felt so drained and overwhelmed that you couldn’t do anything fun, and suggested something else another day. Life isn’t always straightforward, and you need someone who won’t bail at the first problem. Also you did warn him 💗

I agree!

She’d better not get ill then…! Honestly, life happens and if he can’t understand that for the sake of a few hours on a Saturday, he’s better off in the bin.

You didn’t end things though?

You were very rude to cancel your plans at short notice and see it as “not a biggie”. He kept his evening free for you, so this suggests you didn’t think his time was important. You were rude not to text as soon as you knew you were kept at work.

Just leave it now, and try and be more considerate in future.

Being ill is different?

Is it really all that different from being so exhausted/drained that you don’t feel up to going out?

OP you are speaking as though you have a choice?

Sounds like your schedules are incompatible and he has more time than you. Best to cut your losses now
I do hate it when someone cancels last minute on me, gives me the ick. Makes me feel like they are not interested.
Sounds like you overplanned on the saturday and were understandably tired but if you have a plan you have to stick to it
I dumped a man recently when he cancelled last minute cos he was hungover. I cant cope with unreliability. So I understand why he was upset.
If u carried on with him you would always feel under pressure to fit him into your busy schedule and that would be stressful
Best to cut losses now

I think you both have different priorities as far as a relationship is concerned and you’ll both be far happier apart,

I’m a single parent and a child-free Saturday night is unbelievably precious. If you cancelled on me after 7.30pm I wouldn’t sulk but I would be really pissed off.

The sulking is poor form but otherwise he’s perfectly within his rights to end things. He’s been honest and clear with you. What more do you want?

This is such an odd thread. You are not compatible and he called time on a relatively short-term relationship because of it. The OP doesn't take his feelings seriously at all, hence this idea that she was the one to decide to end it by not steamrolling his decision to end things and refusing to split!

“Am I being silly to have ended things?”

he ended it not you, and anyone can end any relationship for any reason they like, and he has expressed himself and ended it - for whatever reason he wanted to and you have no say in that

You should have let him know earlier on Saturday that you'd be very late. He could have accepted that with grace or made other plans for the night.
You didn't and then he spent the rest of the weekend sulking like a child. That's on him.
But's it's all mute now because he's dumped you.
You've no choice but to accept it. The end.

Why wasn’t he driving to yours? Sounds like you’re doing all the running around. Why is that?

Sounds like he finished things, so I don’t understand your question. I’d have done the same in his shoes regardless of whether you “give in and agree”.

Presumably you didn't have the children at home if the only thing in the way was you getting there after 9pm. Of course, if you couldn't be arsed that late (?), fair enough. But if I really liked someone a lot, under those circumstances I'd have made the effort. Maybe you just don't like him enough and that was the message he took.

I'd have been pissed off too if I was him.