Dismay - was disclosing my bipolar diagnosis after 3 months too soon?

[ByRoseSnake]

I feel incredibly naive, as I've been in (semi-)similar situations before disclosure that is perhaps too early, or oversharing - which has affected relationships. But this one really stung.

For context: I received a very long-awaited diagnosis of Bipolar type 1 in January, following an extensive period of poor mental health in the last 6 months of 2025. This was harrowing to hear in itself. But since then, I've been on correct medication, with correct support and weekly therapy, and really pleased with myself to have been maintaining a calm, healthy daily routine and advancing my career.

In early Feb, I happened to meet a friend's partner's mutual friend and we hit it off very quickly - I had vowed not to start dating again for several months, but this felt very authentic and calming. I felt safe and regulated around him, did lots of great outdoorsy activities rather than pub and then home to Netflix, which is not something I've previously been used to during 'courtship'.

We spoke quite candidly about issues such as neurodivergence and mental health. I told him about my ADHD diagnosis, which he didn't bat an eyelid over. He spoke emotionally about his and his own father's experience with quite serious depression, and I let him open up and supported him.

Flash forward to the bank holiday weekend, and we had a moment of intimacy on Saturday evening where I felt it could be appropriate to share that I have quite a significant MH diagnosis - and I felt it was better for him to know about that sooner rather than later, in case I did have another serious episode and it came as a shock for him (and appeared as deceptive). We had reached the 3 month mark and I felt comfortable based on our previous sensitive conversations around MH.

At first he thought that I was joking, or exaggerating based on TikTok videos self-diagnosis or something similar... let me be clear, this was not a simple process. It involved years of incidents which I now know to be BD related, and a series of A&E -> NHS GP -> CMHT psych appointments to finally deliver the diagnosis I needed. It hurt when he suspected that I was just sugarcoating or imagining this.

It got worse when I told him that it was in fact officially diagnosed, and he persuaded me to show him a screenshot of the official diagnosis letter - he also urged me to tell some of my 'stories', which I regret now sharing - then fell completely cold and told me that he wasn't sure if he could spend the evening or night with me, and he wasn't sure how he felt and needed some time.

It's been two days now since he's been quiet. We were supposed to be meeting again this evening, he replied that he needed more time to think. I fear the stereotype of the 'psycho-bitch girlfriend', when in fact I'm an incredibly caring and responsible person who is trying to do her best.

It really breaks my heart - I'm so confused about what the correct and ethical thing to do here would have been. 100% appreciate and respect the fact that somebody may not be equipped/have the emotional resources to be prepared for (and potentially care for) someone with a serious mental illness, but it hurts:

a) Thinking that maybe I was unfair and unnecessary in sharing this disclosure too 'early', especially when I'm very well managed currently? Should I have kept my oversharing mouth shut?

b) But also... wouldn't it be more unfair if I didn't disclose this, only then at a later date to have another serious episode, coming as a surprise and wherein would we both have to pick up the pieces PLUS him learning for the very first time?

c) & there feels as though there is a double standard - he's quite happy for me to commiserate and care for him under depression, but when I disclose? Instant shutdown. This is frustrating to me.

My very close friends who know about my diagnosis have alternatively said that "he's an A-hole and you deserve better, the right and understanding person will come" to "sometimes people wouldn't be able to cope from an early stage, or they have past trauma related to family with MH issues etc" - but none of these theories feel like an answer, and I don't know how to move forward in relationships.

I feel happy with the way I have been handling my life recently, but gloomy about the prospects of finding love and a caring partner given my circumstances. I also don't want someone who could take advantage of any vulnerability in me.

I really felt something for him. I hope he replies and doesn't just ghost.

I agree with early disclosure, but a year of friendship only boundaries with someone whom with there is a mutual attraction, appears to be a slow march to permanent singletdom. I can't see anyway that that would work and she deserves better than that.

I have bipolar and the way he reacted is not ok. I think you've had a lucky escape most people wouldn't react like this. I've done some thing in the past I'm extremely ashamed of due to my bipolar disorder and its certainly not something I would want to discuss with someone after 3 months especially after that reaction

I think given you were extremely mentally ill less than 6 months ago that getting into a relationship now isn't the best idea. I don't think you were wrong to tell him, but I think being stable for a couple of years on medication and with therapy would be the best thing before you start dating again.

He sounds very immature and a bit manipulative - pressuring you into showing something as personal as your diagnosis letter etc. I think because he has some healthy habits eg getting outdoors it was easy to believe he was mature and grounded but a grounded mature person would not have responded like that.

I think the take outs are:

Bullet dodge! He’s not a keeper

You aren’t far enough into your recovery for this type of intense relationship - and I’d be cautious in general of lots of bonding over MH issues

Youve found stuff that works better than the pub - keep going. Join a group if you need to and get out there. Hiking massively regulates my adhd

You are on a pathway to a calm, joyful existence. Guard it carefully and continue to cement that before you let anyone join you on it.

TBH I would be wary of a bloke who was only 3 months post diagnosis. A healthy person would want to understand you have this under control on an ongoing basis, not expecting perfection, but consistent emotional regulation. You’ll get there, and be in a spot to let the right one in.

I agree with this. It’s great that you’re doing well now but it’s only been a few months.

I’m sorry you’ve been treated like this.
You keep doing you, there’s nothing to be ashamed of. Some people are terrified of Bipolar or other MH conditions which is fair enough, but at least you can weed them out quickly. If you can work on making sure you know it’s not your fault and not take their reaction to heart then hopefully soon it won’t matter. Keep being honest. Good people will stick around xx

I'm in a fairly low key relationship with somebody who disclosed that they have a bipolar diagnosis right away, so I had the chance not to engage so to speak. I asked him how that looked, about his medication and so on and now have a good idea of what to expect. I chose to continue; it was an informed decision.

What you have done is absolutely right. If he doesn't want to continue, that is on him. He would never be right for you.

Good luck, and keep going.

Hi OP. Fellow Bipolar woman here. I am Bipolar 2, DH is Bipolar 1. Both diagnosed while we were together. DH was diagnosed 15m into our relationship, mine was 8 years later. Just fot context.

When DH was diagnosed my family all basically asked me if I really wanted to stay with him knowing his issues now. He was sectioned at the time and was incredibly poorly with his mania. (We knew that it was happening as his mum had it at the time and now both his sisters do too) And while he was sectioned and on leave I fell pregnant. So the decision was taken out of my hands (I didn't wAnt to leave anyway) but we are both well medicated, talk openly and know what trigger signs to watch for.

If for any reason I was to enter a new relationship I think I would be open earlier on than you have been, purely because I am open about it generally.

Bipolar does have a lot of stigma, but if people can't accept me as I am then they're not worth my time. I know I have far more good things going for me than my bipolar. It is not the whole of who I am.

I would leave him a week, if he hasn't been in touch by then just drop him a message and id say that his silence speaks volumes. Yes it may be trauma related from past serious depression in his family but if he can't accept you for who you are then he's not the man you thought he was.

Chin up, keep on the meds and if you ever need to vent I totally get it!

Typical male. Will use you as a sounding board for hours to speak about his depression but god forbid you also have some mental health issues too.

I had two family members with bipolar. One committed suicide and the other tried to but thankfully was found and helped- but they have had serious several relapses and they have needed their parents to stay close and be quite involved in their life throughout adulthood. It sounds like you are in a much better place with yours which is wonderful, but depending on his experience I can understand why it could feel like a very scary thing to take on and he might need to think.

Depression can be very serious too of course, my husband has bad depressive episodes and sometimes it is like having an additional kid in the times I need to look after him when he is shut down on himself. I don't know how we would cope if I suffered too and we were both experiencing bad mental health at the same time. If I had depression I think I could be worried we might make each other spiral in these circumstances.

I don't know what the answer is but I am really sorry.

Yes, I think this is key — it’s a very new diagnosis, you had what sounds like a prolonged period of very poor MH only a few months ago, not long before you met this guy. I think that’s way too soon to be putting yourself out there to date.

I have a good friend with bipolar, who is happily married with children, but she’d been managing her own medication and handling her MH well for years before they met.

Give it more time.

How has your husband adapted to parenthood @bumblebee3122 ?

For what it’s worth I think you handled it really well; you were honest and vulnerable and it’s a shame that he isn’t the right person to support and accept this, but I promise somebody out there will be. It’s sad that with all the focus on mental health and well-being, those who have more significant mental health diagnoses still face stigma and rejection, but the right person will love all of you.

Having said that, we all bring our shit to relationships and maybe he has some past experience that you’re not aware of. I left my marriage due to my ex’s alcohol and cocaine addiction and for that reason I wouldn’t be able to date anyone who was in recovery no matter how well managed, or who drank or used even recreationally. Just too triggering, even if they were a lovely person.

I actually think three months is too late.

If you have been open about ADHD and he about depression I think then was the time to tell him

He already had DSD who was 3 at the time he was sectioned. Becoming a dad again to DS was the best thing that could have happened to him. I think that aided his recovery more than anything. He absolutely dotes on our son and was a very involved dad. He still is.

I've learnt all the signs and triggers for him so I can catch him before things escalate but we've been very lucky he is very meds compliant and he hasn't been manic since then. We get a small depressive episode most years, the last couple of years have been almost constant but he lost his mum in Dec 2024 and she was incredibly poorly and sectioned at the time she died. That hasn't helped but I think we're on the way out the other side now. We just keep talking to each other and that's what works for us. Mine is a lot more stable than his.

Bipolar is manageable and it sounds like your making positive steps to improve your mental health and get the right support which is all anyone can do

Over the years, I’ve managed two people with BPD, different companies. One was diagnosed and we all knew it (I worked with her for a year before she left in a dramatic furore), the other was diagnosed after I terminated her employment within 3 months of joining.

Both were an absolute head fuck to manage and caused untold damage to colleagues. The one who was diagnosed after she was fired created a significant level of legal risk for the company, which I then cleaned up. It was astonishing just how quickly everything unravelled. She interviewed as one person and turned up a month later acting like an entirely different person.

I have no idea how the second one is now she’s diagnosed and hopefully taking medication (based on her erratic behavior and extreme mood changes, I don’t think the first one didn’t take medication consistently). I know this is different to how you’re managing your situation.

I assume from his reaction that he has had bad experiences in his past.

You sound like you’re mature and responsible and I think you did the right thing telling him.

I appreciate and completely understand your sentiment and perspective having written this post, but I did feel it right to quickly clarify that 'BD' refers to Bipolar disorder, not BPD which is Borderline Personality Disorder (also known as Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder under the NHS) - in case of any misunderstanding. They are two separate diagnoses, although abbreviations can look overlapping!

Frequently misdiagnosed, BPD is seen as a woman's issue, BD often only seen as a man's issue (incorrect) and they require different treatments

I really feel for the struggles both that person and your entire workplace must have been going through
I'm really sorry to hear that

He's not the man for you, but be pleased with yourself that you have found the right way to handle disclosing in a relationship. Don't be put off disclosing in the way you did because it served its purpose well. If things play out similarly with someone else, but this time he listens and takes his time to understand you with respect and gentleness... well, you'll know you've found a good 'un. Sadly this guy didn't pass the test. Maybe he has his own valid reasons for being concerned (although he didn't handle them well if he does as he crossed a line imo). Keep on going, you sound like you're doing really well and will be a great catch for the right guy.

Good luck

If you don’t mind sharing what kind of stuff happened whilst you were having a episode?

I think he was unreasonable to ask to see ‘proof’ and ask for examples of your most difficult times (more proof? Or trying to gauge your level of ‘crazy’?).

I think telling him was the right thing, but I feel like you were pressured into disclosing more than you would have done if he’d reacted more respectably.

From his perspective, I can imagine hearing examples of times you've really struggled could be off-putting. He's maybe focusing on those and assuming that's what he’ll inevitably experience with you in the future. This of course feels unfair given all the hard work you've put in to manage your condition. But unfortunately, it's not unusual for people to focus on the negative over the positive, because it evokes more uncertainty and fear in them.

I feel for you, because it's a tricky road to navigate. I suppose my instinct would be to say that mentioning it early is the right thing to do, but to not to be sucked into disclosing too much about your past as you’ll be judged for it. Which is unfair, because all those instances happened before you knew about your condition and before you were taking steps to manage it. So to assume your future will mirror your past is unfair and also (hopefully) very unlikely.

I think your disclosure timing was fine. Certainly you wouldn't want to leave it too long. This might not be about you, or when you disclosed. He might just not be the right fit for you. Ot he might just be taken aback. Seems like he did not handle things in a very mature way initially.
It may be that he comes back to you, having had time to process things, and wants to continue. Just keep in mind that you should be with someone who is able to embrace the entirety of who you are.

Agree with pp. He’s absolutely not BU to not want to date someone with bipolar but his reaction in demanding to see your records , challenging your diagnosis and then going silent puts him in a poor light. He sounds like he lacks empathy and kindness.

Yea there will be people who will accept you being bipolar OP but understandably not everyone.

I think 3 months isn’t too early to disclose something like that. So I don’t think the issue is you shared this too early on.

Point c is a concern

I missed that , had to go back and reread to see point C.

Yikes he sounds very self-absorbed. You’ve had a lucky escape. He probably had you lined up to be a 24/7 therapist but your disclosure about being Bipolar has upset that plan.