I feel incredibly naive, as I've been in (semi-)similar situations before disclosure that is perhaps too early, or oversharing - which has affected relationships. But this one really stung.
For context: I received a very long-awaited diagnosis of Bipolar type 1 in January, following an extensive period of poor mental health in the last 6 months of 2025. This was harrowing to hear in itself. But since then, I've been on correct medication, with correct support and weekly therapy, and really pleased with myself to have been maintaining a calm, healthy daily routine and advancing my career.
In early Feb, I happened to meet a friend's partner's mutual friend and we hit it off very quickly - I had vowed not to start dating again for several months, but this felt very authentic and calming. I felt safe and regulated around him, did lots of great outdoorsy activities rather than pub and then home to Netflix, which is not something I've previously been used to during 'courtship'.
We spoke quite candidly about issues such as neurodivergence and mental health. I told him about my ADHD diagnosis, which he didn't bat an eyelid over. He spoke emotionally about his and his own father's experience with quite serious depression, and I let him open up and supported him.
Flash forward to the bank holiday weekend, and we had a moment of intimacy on Saturday evening where I felt it could be appropriate to share that I have quite a significant MH diagnosis - and I felt it was better for him to know about that sooner rather than later, in case I did have another serious episode and it came as a shock for him (and appeared as deceptive). We had reached the 3 month mark and I felt comfortable based on our previous sensitive conversations around MH.
At first he thought that I was joking, or exaggerating based on TikTok videos self-diagnosis or something similar... let me be clear, this was not a simple process. It involved years of incidents which I now know to be BD related, and a series of A&E -> NHS GP -> CMHT psych appointments to finally deliver the diagnosis I needed. It hurt when he suspected that I was just sugarcoating or imagining this.
It got worse when I told him that it was in fact officially diagnosed, and he persuaded me to show him a screenshot of the official diagnosis letter - he also urged me to tell some of my 'stories', which I regret now sharing - then fell completely cold and told me that he wasn't sure if he could spend the evening or night with me, and he wasn't sure how he felt and needed some time.
It's been two days now since he's been quiet. We were supposed to be meeting again this evening, he replied that he needed more time to think. I fear the stereotype of the 'psycho-bitch girlfriend', when in fact I'm an incredibly caring and responsible person who is trying to do her best.
It really breaks my heart - I'm so confused about what the correct and ethical thing to do here would have been. 100% appreciate and respect the fact that somebody may not be equipped/have the emotional resources to be prepared for (and potentially care for) someone with a serious mental illness, but it hurts:
a) Thinking that maybe I was unfair and unnecessary in sharing this disclosure too 'early', especially when I'm very well managed currently? Should I have kept my oversharing mouth shut?
b) But also... wouldn't it be more unfair if I didn't disclose this, only then at a later date to have another serious episode, coming as a surprise and wherein would we both have to pick up the pieces PLUS him learning for the very first time?
c) & there feels as though there is a double standard - he's quite happy for me to commiserate and care for him under depression, but when I disclose? Instant shutdown. This is frustrating to me.
My very close friends who know about my diagnosis have alternatively said that "he's an A-hole and you deserve better, the right and understanding person will come" to "sometimes people wouldn't be able to cope from an early stage, or they have past trauma related to family with MH issues etc" - but none of these theories feel like an answer, and I don't know how to move forward in relationships.
I feel happy with the way I have been handling my life recently, but gloomy about the prospects of finding love and a caring partner given my circumstances. I also don't want someone who could take advantage of any vulnerability in me.
I really felt something for him. I hope he replies and doesn't just ghost.