What is this kind of overreaction from DH called?

[Malinia]

DH does this kind of thing a lot but I'm not sure what it's called.

Today he was trying to fix something with our media centre, and then after a while was in his phone. He started watching a video with sound on, which he knows me and DD find annoying (we are both autistic) so I said "what are you doing?". He said "watching a video to fix this" so I asked how long it was. He then said "I can do it when you go out, probably next year" and turned it off huffily. I replied "or you could wear headphones".

But what's this called? It's so irritating when he overreacts like this. I didn't tell him to stop watching it, I just wanted to know how long it was going to go on for so I could manage it.

I hate it when he behaves like this as it feels manipulative somehow.

Hyperbolic emotional reaction? a version of catastrophizing? It definitely reflects emotional dysregulation and RSD so try and be gentle with him.

And adding in invented details about OP being all comfy in the room before mean husband started playing videos.
In the original post it was husband trying to fix something then husband starts watching a video about how to fix the thing...

Overmedicalisation much?

Probably it’s him being sensitive that you often complain about noise and this time he was making the noise to try and do a job to help the family and he took your question as criticism as it might have sounded that way to him. ‘How long will that last for’ in NT is code for ‘I hope that stops soon it’s unpleasant and I expect you to stop it very soon’ aka be quiet’ aka ‘shut up.’

you could have cushioned it with ‘I wasn’t telling you you should stop darling I just was wondering if I should move or not you know how I get about sounds from phones I find them a lot harder to deal with than you do’

Quite a normal reaction.
You were a bit rude, im sure you didnt mesn to be. He reacted in a slightly angry way. Its not an event.

Also why is he emotionally immature for storming off but you're not for getting frustrated and blaming him for getting lost?
You seem to have a sense of superiority

I don't understand what he did wrong. He was trying to fix something and was watching Youtube to fix it. You got snippy and he responded at the same level back at you. This is literally a storm in a teacup.

Well personally I would have left the room if he was trying to fix something in the room you were in. So you were being a bit passive aggressive by asking what he was doing when presumably you already knew. He was a bit sulky too so I would say you should both work on communication.

"suggesting he reads the homework you have set him on how to be more emotionally mature" - and then coming on here to ask for a name for his behaviour? Presumably because it seems somehow more legitimate to say "I think you have WWQ and I'm upset you reacted in a classic D77G-55 way" rather than "It pissed me off when you were watching a video and I hate your stupid telly"

I'm not sure your husband is the issue here.

He was trying to fix something and you were rude and ungrateful.

Yes, possibly this. Over sensitive to criticism. Can be unbelievably wearing.

I think he has the patience of a saint.
He has to.
Pot. Kettle. OP.

But it was criticism.

"He started watching a video with sound on, which he knows me and DD find annoying"
"He is also quite emotionally immature in many ways"
"[it] is actually his toy and not something I use at all, and I wouldn't choose to have it. It's his thing"
"DH often walks around listening to music through headphones so no one is able to communicate with him, so he had them on him."

That's just page 1. Do you think she wasn't criticising him? It would drive me fucking barmy if someone criticised me and then tried to tell me I have a personality disorder (or whatever RSD is) because I "perceived it" as criticism.

Is RSD
Repeated Stupid Discourse ?

When my partner asks me 'what are you doing?' I am usually irritated and sarcastic in response, because I know it is a passive aggressive question.

@Malinia he was being passive aggressive in response to you being unreasonable and intolerant. Both need fixing if you want to have healthy relationship.

His comment about you going out next year, I take that to mean that you are always home, he is frustrated by that and he would like some regular time alone at home when he can be himself. Why don't you ask him about that at a calm time?

I think you provoked him here and I wouldn't call his reactions and overreaction. A bit rude yes, but so were you. It sounds like you just don't get on that well in general.

I react really cuttingly to such stupidity. ‘If you think the concept of headphones is too hard to master then yes perhaps you had better wait until I go out, which might be sooner than next year as I will probably feel I need to share my challenges with your mental decline with friends for support.

I think you were passive aggressive - he was trying to work out how to fix something. I would have snapped too!

It’s you, not him

Confirmed by the homework you’ve set him

Poor chap

He was a dick, but to be fair, I don’t think it’s helped by the way things are put across.

It didn’t matter what he was watching, what mattered is that it was annoying you so instead of asking ‘What are you doing?’’ (You already knew he was watching YouTube), in a presumably annoyed and accusatory tone, it may have been better received if you’d have said, ‘ Hey, can you please put some headphones on to listen to that? I’m finding the loud noise a bit irritating’’

Thats how it was coming across to me too.

think OP feels she made a mistake in her choice of man

it sounds like a bank holiday tiff

Grouchy.