What is this kind of overreaction from DH called?

[Malinia]

DH does this kind of thing a lot but I'm not sure what it's called.

Today he was trying to fix something with our media centre, and then after a while was in his phone. He started watching a video with sound on, which he knows me and DD find annoying (we are both autistic) so I said "what are you doing?". He said "watching a video to fix this" so I asked how long it was. He then said "I can do it when you go out, probably next year" and turned it off huffily. I replied "or you could wear headphones".

But what's this called? It's so irritating when he overreacts like this. I didn't tell him to stop watching it, I just wanted to know how long it was going to go on for so I could manage it.

I hate it when he behaves like this as it feels manipulative somehow.

Annoyance at being distracted or disturbed while trying to fix something?

If someone is in the middle of trying to fix something that benefits me and I don't want or know how to fix it myself, I would not criticise them for watching a video to instruct them on how to do so.

I would leave the room if what they were doing annoyed me.

Because I know they are concentrating on doing something that will benefit me.

I would be extremely irritated by your passive aggressive questions when I was trying to fix something for the communal benefit. You should have taken 10 seconds to listen to the audio and the video purpose would have been apparent. I don’t think he’s the emotionally immature one in this scenario.

Sounds like a couple both getting annoyed/being annoying. I'm also autistic and suspect DH is ADHD so maybe it's not 'normal' but we've definitely had squabbles like that a few times.

If your needs for sensory issues need to be accommodated then why aren't his perceived adhd needs accommodated?

I have adhd as does my son, often times we will take a criticism hard and will need to walk away or "storm off" to regulate ourselves. Often we start and stop tasks or " abandon" them.

Why are your needs greater than his?

You needed to step away from the situation here not him.

Both examples given are in ‘trying situations’, fixing things, getting lost etc. People are rarely at their best.

Honestly? If my husband was watching a tutorial on how to fix something, I’d not expect him to wear earbuds to do so. You could’ve just left the room if it was so awful for you.

You both sound niggly.

I loathe hearing videos on phones being played out loud. However your sensory issues are your responsibility to manage, not his. I'd be annoyed if I were him.

I have misophonia, if dh comes in the room and starts crunching something, I have to leave the room. Dictating what noise he makes is just too much work so I just leave the room. Unless he walks in our shared office and starts eating salad. Then he gets a very hard stare!

This

NTs don't like NDs.

Lol, that's quite the sweeping statement right there.

He was trying to fix something and you were interrupting him, why didn’t you just leave him to get on with it?

Your questions would have irritated me too. I’m ND FWIW.

Settling down to watch a show on a tablet is quite different from being in the moment of fixing something and needing to consult an instructional video to help you.

You were being passive aggressive. Leave the room and let him fix the thing efficiently.

Poor guy not allowed to watch a video in his own house due to "Autism"?

Why is autism in quotation marks? I don’t think the OP is being reasonable in this scenario, but you seem to be implying that autism doesn’t exist, or something?

He started watching a video with sound on, which he knows me and DD find annoying (we are both autistic)

If you've been on MN a bit, you'll realise that most people find people playing sound out of their phones really annoying, not just people with autism.

There's absolutely no doubt you were being a passive aggressive dickhead here. It's like when my autistic child walks in the living room and proclaims "when are they leaving?", it's rude as fuck! I'll do my best not to upset my daughter, but I will not let her control my brother visiting, absolutely no way, she has a room of her own, she can use that!

Bullshit. You already described how you asked him what he was doing and he gave you an answer before you “gathered information” about how long it would take.

What was wrong with you just going to another room while he tried to work out what he needed to do? That would have been an excellent way to manage it.

Parent and wife of ND and the whole world needing to be adjusted their way instead of them bending sometimes.

Thank you!

I don’t know how many people need to tell you that you are the one in the wrong before you start taking it seriously.

And yes if someone walks into the room where I've made myself comfy and starts playing a video, I'm going to leave if he's going to be doing that for a while, but not if he's just watching a 30-second clip, so I'd also want to know and not get a huffy reply like 'when you go out, probably next year".

But apparently everyone on MN would just gracefully leap up with their cup of tea and bow out of the room silently to let the man do his thing.

Agreed

Why have you gendered this? Seems to me like a projection of your own issues.

You have been unreasonable and need to apologise to him.