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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Partner ignored repeated no during sex and I feel deeply shaken **Content Warning - non-consensual sex"

428 replies

Treacletarttt · 02/05/2026 10:47

Hi,

Me and my partner have been together 3 years, I have two sons from a previous relationship, and he has a daughter. A few nights ago, me and my partner were in bed together, and I’m still coming to terms with what happened.

I rolled over and had begun to fall asleep, whilst he was still on his phone. I then felt him touching me and stroking me. He began to try and perform oral sex, but I told him I was tired and I wasn’t in the mood.

I was in a pretty rubbish mood, I had been arguing with my ex about our children (who were with him at the time), and I’d had a colposcopy procedure that day, so I just wanted to sleep.

My partner carried on, under the covers, I pushed his head away. I said I didn’t want to have sex, I was tired, sore etc. Then he got a little more aggressive and started to have sex. I winced and pushed him out, he stuck it back in. I then pushed him away and said no.

He then thrust his penis in my face and told me to suck it. I moved my face away and said no, and then he shoved it in my mouth. It’s a bit of a blur after that, he grabbed my throat multiple times, and started trying to aggressively try kiss me. He told me to call him by my ex’s name. I said no, and continued saying no to him.

He persisted and repeatedly told me to call him by my ex’s name over and over again (he has asked me to call him by other names during sex in the past), all whilst either trying to kiss me or shoving his penis in my face, he asked me to do anal and I said no, then he tried to stick it up there so I quickly moved. I tried to push him off again but couldn’t and he held my arms down. At that point I just started crying silently… I couldn’t help the tears streaming down my face and just lay there. At that point his was masturbating over my chest. He saw I was crying, and said ‘what’re you crying for, I’ll give you something to fucking cry about’ started trying to aggressively kiss me again, and told me to take his cum in my mouth, I said no moving my face away, he said I’ll do it on your chest then. I said no and tried to move out of the way but he was on top of me and then he ejaculated all over me.

I asked him why he’d done that whilst repeatedly telling him no, went straight to the shower and when I’d finished he was asleep.

I ended up leaving, and the day after, I spoke to him and told him he went too far, but he just responded saying he thought I liked it rough.I feel so confused and vulnerable, I haven’t seen him since, and I know that I need to get out of this relationship now. I just needed somewhere to vent this to someone, as I don’t have many people I can turn to. I’ve just done nothing but sit and think about what happened and replayed it in my head.

OP posts:
Therealjudgejudy · 04/05/2026 11:06

That's shocking op. He raped you.

This man is dangerous and needs reporting to the police. X

Dancingintherain09 · 04/05/2026 11:11

Treacletarttt · 04/05/2026 10:43

I have finally got round to reading all of the responses on this thread. Thank you for all of your advice and support. I’ve been really emotional, and reading these messages has made me realise the severity of what has happened.

@Treacletarttt Ive not stopped thinking of uou these past few days. I really hope you can reach out for some support.
And really do consider reporting this. To protect yourself, but also to protect others from being his next victim. Even if he doesn't end up being convicted, he will be listed on a ,"Claires law" list.
Have you got a trusted person to support you and go with you?

user1471538283 · 04/05/2026 11:25

You've been raped and he enjoyed it.

Now he's minimising it. Even if you liked it rough you said no repeatedly and tried to get away.

Report it and stay away from him.

I'm so sorry.

Etoile41 · 05/05/2026 09:57

Treacletarttt · 04/05/2026 10:43

I have finally got round to reading all of the responses on this thread. Thank you for all of your advice and support. I’ve been really emotional, and reading these messages has made me realise the severity of what has happened.

Hopefully you have the strength to report him to the police. He should not get away with what he has done

SnowFrogJelly · 05/05/2026 10:57

Report him to the police

Lmnop22 · 05/05/2026 11:12

Treacletarttt · 02/05/2026 13:46

I don’t know if I can face going to the police. Everything is a blur at the minute. I think I’ve tried to mentally block some of it out.

He’s never done anything like this before, however, there has been instances in the past where he has gotten a bit rough during sex, but I’ve just ignored it, and he can inappropriate out in public when the kids aren’t with us. We could just be walking round a shop and he’ll just say things like ‘take your pants off now’ or try and touch me down there, or ask me to feel him. I’ve told him over and over there’s a time and a place. Sometimes, he starts sulking, saying I’m not attracted to him or I don’t want him etc, or says things like he wants/loves me more than I want him because he’s constantly wanting to touch me, but I don’t. This has made me question things in the past and we’ve had arguments about it, but the other night just shook me up.

Even if you don’t feel ready to go to the police now, write down every detail about what you remember and exactly what was said and done. Add to it as your memory returns over the coming days/weeks.

Then, on your own terms and when you’re ready, you can go to the police without being worried you won’t remember enough detail.

Stay strong and well done for leaving, that sounds absolutely terrifying.

RS1987 · 05/05/2026 17:46

Has he tried to contact you? I hope you’re ok

PeachySmile2 · 05/05/2026 22:30

Treacletarttt · 04/05/2026 10:43

I have finally got round to reading all of the responses on this thread. Thank you for all of your advice and support. I’ve been really emotional, and reading these messages has made me realise the severity of what has happened.

Sending love xxxx

Treacletarttt · 06/05/2026 17:53

Just thought I’d give an update. I’ve blocked him on everything, but I have had numerous calls from unknown numbers, as well as voicemails, texts and calls from multiple burner numbers, which are him. He’s starting to get nasty now, as I haven’t responded.

This is some of the messages I’ve had to deal with from burner numbers.

‘You didn't actually say much about it.. thats why I had no clue what's wrong. Now I've raped you and attacked you and forced you etc. Funny though really.. when I said call me tom you relaxed your legs and let me slide inside you..’

‘I was horny, I wanted you like I always do (my bad I know). Why i said call me his name i don't know..
Yeah i was annoyed, but I wanted you and wanted to fuck you like I have done always.. timing was bad, and probably made me want rage sex’

‘Also.. you sucked my cock when I put it near your mouth..

You could of closed your lips and said NO

You could of easily got out of bed.. I didn't hold you down, I didn't rip your clothes off or puch you or knock you out, I didn't even get to penetrate you because you said you were sore from the appointment..

You didn't say NO or GET OFF ME NOW..‘

I have managed to turn my voicemail off for now, and I am in the process of changing my number with my mobile network provider, because I can’t deal with this. I did say no multiple times, and he did penetrate me, not for long because I winced and tried to push him away. But he slid it in a couple of times.

OP posts:
BunnyLake · 06/05/2026 17:56

I wouldn’t reply. You don’t need to justify your decision. You are well rid. Rage sex? Urgh.

Pessismistic · 06/05/2026 17:59

Op he’s angry because he doesn’t want to be known as a rapist whatever messages he sends you he is going to be defending himself he knows he did wrong otherwise why not just let it go. Op I hope you get your number sorted soon it’s so annoying when people do this when you want nothing to with them.

Charlenedickens · 06/05/2026 18:02

Treacletarttt · 06/05/2026 17:53

Just thought I’d give an update. I’ve blocked him on everything, but I have had numerous calls from unknown numbers, as well as voicemails, texts and calls from multiple burner numbers, which are him. He’s starting to get nasty now, as I haven’t responded.

This is some of the messages I’ve had to deal with from burner numbers.

‘You didn't actually say much about it.. thats why I had no clue what's wrong. Now I've raped you and attacked you and forced you etc. Funny though really.. when I said call me tom you relaxed your legs and let me slide inside you..’

‘I was horny, I wanted you like I always do (my bad I know). Why i said call me his name i don't know..
Yeah i was annoyed, but I wanted you and wanted to fuck you like I have done always.. timing was bad, and probably made me want rage sex’

‘Also.. you sucked my cock when I put it near your mouth..

You could of closed your lips and said NO

You could of easily got out of bed.. I didn't hold you down, I didn't rip your clothes off or puch you or knock you out, I didn't even get to penetrate you because you said you were sore from the appointment..

You didn't say NO or GET OFF ME NOW..‘

I have managed to turn my voicemail off for now, and I am in the process of changing my number with my mobile network provider, because I can’t deal with this. I did say no multiple times, and he did penetrate me, not for long because I winced and tried to push him away. But he slid it in a couple of times.

Edited

Christ he’s one sick man, like properly sick, change your number as you said, don’t engage, nothing good will happen.

Charlenedickens · 06/05/2026 18:03

The fact rage sex is actually a term he thinks is a thing says everything about how sick he is.

ThisJadeBear · 06/05/2026 18:09

Well he’s that arrogant he’s just described you how he’s raped you in the voicemail.
He’s a dangerous man.
So sorry for what you’ve been through.

buymeflowers · 06/05/2026 18:16

He’s clearly sending you those messages in case you go to the police so he can say that’s the account of what happened between you. Explaining it away as a misunderstanding when he clearly is a violent rapist.

OP this is horrific and I hope you are ok and have plenty of support.

BinNightTonight · 06/05/2026 18:17

I am so sorry. He is absolutely disgusting.

SerafinasGoose · 06/05/2026 18:18

I'm so sorry, OP, that you are having to deal with this.

Those messages are a strange combination of gaslighting and admission as to what actually happened. You need to preserve these. Store them in password-protected clouds, because even if you've decided not to report him at this stage they are still necessary evidence in case he escalates.

Continue to be vigilant. Leaving an abuser (and there is no doubting for one moment that this is what he is) is the most dangerous time.

The PP is right that the term 'rage sex' is revealing, and probably also incriminating. It's only slightly removed from 'rough sex', which is often the excuse given by men who sexually assault women.

Don't respond. At all. And please do take care of yourself. Can you tell someone?

Sending love and thoughts your way.

ThisJadeBear · 06/05/2026 18:22

SerafinasGoose · 06/05/2026 18:18

I'm so sorry, OP, that you are having to deal with this.

Those messages are a strange combination of gaslighting and admission as to what actually happened. You need to preserve these. Store them in password-protected clouds, because even if you've decided not to report him at this stage they are still necessary evidence in case he escalates.

Continue to be vigilant. Leaving an abuser (and there is no doubting for one moment that this is what he is) is the most dangerous time.

The PP is right that the term 'rage sex' is revealing, and probably also incriminating. It's only slightly removed from 'rough sex', which is often the excuse given by men who sexually assault women.

Don't respond. At all. And please do take care of yourself. Can you tell someone?

Sending love and thoughts your way.

He thinks he’s passing himself off as ‘innocent’ he’s an absolute fool because anyone else hearing that would hear the anger and reference to rage sex.
I know going to the police is tough but even applying for a non mol order may help on the grounds of this unwanted contact?
What a vile man.

RS1987 · 06/05/2026 18:22

You literally cried and he said he’d give you something to cry about. He’s scared you’ll report him to the police. Remember you have this thread if ever you want to. I hope you’re ok.

outerspacepotato · 06/05/2026 18:24

Keep your doors locked. Did you change the locks? Think about that and a doorbell camera if you don't already have one.

Keep alert to your surroundings when you go out. Rage sex. That's horrible that he calls a violent, prolonged rape where he even choked you rage sex.

If he shows up at your place, keep the doors locked and call your emergency police number.

RS1987 · 06/05/2026 18:25

His messages, although intended to cover his back, are admitting rape. “I was annoyed, but I wanted you and wanted to fuck you… rage sex.”
Idiot. Any jury would throw the book at him.

Walig54 · 06/05/2026 18:29

So sorry this has been done to you OP. It is his shame, not yours. He is a violent thug and has admitted it with this message. Keep this message, it will be evidence if you report him for this dreadful act.

I hope you are able to move past this eventually. If you manage to speak to your GP (female hopefully) ask for counselling as well as anything else you need, i.e. sexual health check. Wishing you a better life in future.

Merc123 · 06/05/2026 18:31

Print out all those messages and call logs and go straight to police. Not only does he use the term rage sex, he seems to think its acceptable! Rage sex is a SYNONYM for rape!!! Were you expected to be as forceful in saying NO as he was in pushing himself on you for him to get the point?? Not only is he a rapist, he's a complete idiot...and/or a liar.

Whettlettuce · 06/05/2026 18:33

Screenshot immediately incase he deletes the messages

SerafinasGoose · 06/05/2026 18:34

Please don't push OP to report. She's having to expend all her energy at present in processing what has happened to her.

It's very good news simply to hear that you are keeping him at arm's length, OP, and have not been intimidated into engaging with him. Whatever you do hold firm, do not accept his weak excuses (he's not even trying very hard with those) or take him back. The choking was a particularly revealing sign that this man is dangerous.

Your priority right now is you. Stay safe. 💐

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