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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Partner ignored repeated no during sex and I feel deeply shaken **Content Warning - non-consensual sex"

426 replies

Treacletarttt · 02/05/2026 10:47

Hi,

Me and my partner have been together 3 years, I have two sons from a previous relationship, and he has a daughter. A few nights ago, me and my partner were in bed together, and I’m still coming to terms with what happened.

I rolled over and had begun to fall asleep, whilst he was still on his phone. I then felt him touching me and stroking me. He began to try and perform oral sex, but I told him I was tired and I wasn’t in the mood.

I was in a pretty rubbish mood, I had been arguing with my ex about our children (who were with him at the time), and I’d had a colposcopy procedure that day, so I just wanted to sleep.

My partner carried on, under the covers, I pushed his head away. I said I didn’t want to have sex, I was tired, sore etc. Then he got a little more aggressive and started to have sex. I winced and pushed him out, he stuck it back in. I then pushed him away and said no.

He then thrust his penis in my face and told me to suck it. I moved my face away and said no, and then he shoved it in my mouth. It’s a bit of a blur after that, he grabbed my throat multiple times, and started trying to aggressively try kiss me. He told me to call him by my ex’s name. I said no, and continued saying no to him.

He persisted and repeatedly told me to call him by my ex’s name over and over again (he has asked me to call him by other names during sex in the past), all whilst either trying to kiss me or shoving his penis in my face, he asked me to do anal and I said no, then he tried to stick it up there so I quickly moved. I tried to push him off again but couldn’t and he held my arms down. At that point I just started crying silently… I couldn’t help the tears streaming down my face and just lay there. At that point his was masturbating over my chest. He saw I was crying, and said ‘what’re you crying for, I’ll give you something to fucking cry about’ started trying to aggressively kiss me again, and told me to take his cum in my mouth, I said no moving my face away, he said I’ll do it on your chest then. I said no and tried to move out of the way but he was on top of me and then he ejaculated all over me.

I asked him why he’d done that whilst repeatedly telling him no, went straight to the shower and when I’d finished he was asleep.

I ended up leaving, and the day after, I spoke to him and told him he went too far, but he just responded saying he thought I liked it rough.I feel so confused and vulnerable, I haven’t seen him since, and I know that I need to get out of this relationship now. I just needed somewhere to vent this to someone, as I don’t have many people I can turn to. I’ve just done nothing but sit and think about what happened and replayed it in my head.

OP posts:
EducatingArti · 02/05/2026 10:51

I am so sorry this happened to you. This is sexual assault and rape.
I think you have done the right thing to leave.
If you truly love someone you respect their choices. You do not do what this man did to you.

ChristAliveHelp · 02/05/2026 10:51

You need to go to the police and report him for rape.

GentleSheep · 02/05/2026 10:51

Oh dear Lord that's terrible, absolutely terrible! Please don't be 'confused' - you have been raped, in an awful way when you were recovering from a procedure (and even if you were not, 'no' means no!).

I wouldn't say this often but you do need to leave! Please do not allow him into your house again, change the locks if need be. I hope he isn't living with you, or have I misunderstood?

MamaBanana12 · 02/05/2026 10:52

I’m sorry this happened. This wasn’t sex, this was a serious sexual assault and rape. You need to go to the police. X

paulhollywoodshairgel · 02/05/2026 10:54

Please please don’t go back to this man. Keep him away from your kids. He has a daughter and she needs to be kept safe from this monster. If you feel strong enough go to the police. Don’t have a safe place to stay?❤️

Branleuse · 02/05/2026 10:55

That's actually full on rape. Please don't minimise this. Try and get him to admit it in messages and strongly consider reporting him to the police. Have you done a background check on him?

I'm so sorry you have been treated like this

Pearlstillsinging · 02/05/2026 10:55

If you can face it report this rapist to the police. Otherwise just sever all ties with him. I'm not sure if you live together or separately but either way, don't spend any time alone with him ever again.

Motnight · 02/05/2026 10:56

Love, you have been raped. I am so sorry.

Are you currently safe?

Treacletarttt · 02/05/2026 10:57

Sorry, this was a bit of a rushed post. Just to clarify, we don’t live together. I live with my children, who see their dad a couple of nights a week, and he has his own place and has his daughter 50/50.

OP posts:
ThePM · 02/05/2026 10:58

What a disgusting rapist cunt he is.
“I thought you liked it rough” is so fucking despicable.

I presume you have ended the relationship with this rapist.

Bananalanacake · 02/05/2026 11:00

Well done on ending it, so much easier when you don't live together. Ignore his attempts to contact you.

Slightyamusedandsilly · 02/05/2026 11:02

He raped you.

Take the account you've written on here to the police.

Edited to say, he's done this before. You can be certain of that.

TFImBackIn · 02/05/2026 11:03

What an awful man. I'm so sorry for you. Do you feel that you could talk to Rape Crisis about this?

KolaBear · 02/05/2026 11:03

I’m so sorry Op, that’s awful.
Agree with all the other posters.

This is for Rape Crisis in England and Wales if you wanted to contact them to talk about what happened to you

https://247sexualabusesupport.org.uk/

IckyIck · 02/05/2026 11:05

You've been raped. Report it.

Nodwyddaedafedd · 02/05/2026 11:05

Sweetie. This is rape. I understand how you are still feeling shaken. The most important thing is not to let this man back in your life. Ghost him if you don't want to talk to him. You don't owe his anything at all. You live separately so if you don't want to deal with him then block and ghost. That's it. Make sure you do not allow him back in.

Andepeda · 02/05/2026 11:06

What the hell have I just read? Speechless....

Thaigreencurryrules · 02/05/2026 11:06

I’m so sorry op. That made me feel sick. He’s a disgusting, depraved pig. Report him immediately. Men like that make me feel murderous rage. How dare he! Report him and block him from your life.

darksideofthetoon · 02/05/2026 11:07

Dear lord, this is a serious sexual assault. The guy sounds like a total danger to women.

outerspacepotato · 02/05/2026 11:07

I'm very sorry this happened to you.

Your partner raped you and it sounds like he choked you during the assault.

Police. You might need a medical exam if he choked you multiple times and you had a recent colposcopy and they did a biopsy.

Get your locks changed. End the relationship.

Charlenedickens · 02/05/2026 11:10

Jesus he raped you op. I am guessing you don’t want to go to the police, but you should. You need to end this relationship immediately and block this man on all platforms. I’m so sorry.

ThisAutumnTown · 02/05/2026 11:12

outerspacepotato · 02/05/2026 11:07

I'm very sorry this happened to you.

Your partner raped you and it sounds like he choked you during the assault.

Police. You might need a medical exam if he choked you multiple times and you had a recent colposcopy and they did a biopsy.

Get your locks changed. End the relationship.

This!
I’m so sorry this happened to you.
Please leave him and never go back as he will do it again. Let the police deal with him and please get some therapy to help you work through the trauma.

Grabity · 02/05/2026 11:12

It’s normal to be confused, and feeling a bit unsteady, our minds go into a sort of shut down to protect us. I know it can be really searing to read the word rape, when you start a thread like this.

What do you feel you need right now?

GOATYOAT · 02/05/2026 11:13

This is rape and a serious sexual assault.He is dangerous.is his daughter safe?

It sounds like he was watching dodgy porn in bed and decided to reenact it. He doesn’t like or respect women…or you.

i would report it to the police and trigger a social services referral by going into his child’s school so someone can check whether he is safe to be around a child.

TheFormidableMrsC · 02/05/2026 11:14

Oh my God this is horrific to read. I’m so sorry this happened to you. This man is a violent, abusive rapist and my advice would be to report
him to the police. The relationship is over and you cannot see this man again or expose him to your children. I really hope you have good support.