Was I wrong to call out his behaviour as predatory?

Spooky2000 · 2026-04-30T20:40:45+00:00

I've known a man for a few years now and always thought that he was attractive and I knew it was mutual. I resisted though as he is a bit of a rogue (history of telling lies and cheating etc) that I knew of from some of the stories he'd told me when we were platonic. Anyway. Around 4 weeks ago I gave in and we started dating, just a couple of dates a week. Last weekend he recounted a story to me that made me cringe because I'd heard something similar from him before and hoped that was a one-off. For context he's 51. This is what was told to me. He was going to a gig last year that was hard to get tickets for. He'd bought two and as he was single and going on his own as none of his mates wanted to go, he decided to sell the other ticket . A woman contacted him and he said she could have it for £400 (face value £300). He tells me that she's super excited about this and is checking "it's real" (the situation) and said "I'm not being scammed, am I? I'm really going!?" (confirmation of the ticket). She was a stranger, never met/known her before. He somehow extracts from her that she's going on her own (she says). He then said to her that as he was going on his own and she was going on her own that he'd meet up with her at the grounds and 'go together; (she was given the ticket before this btw). The woman agreed but then on the day, surprise surprise doesn't show. He then contact her afterwards (unsolicited) to ask if she enjoyed the gig and she says yes and says sorry she didn't turn up, she was 'late'. He adds her as a friend and then learns that she's married... I had alarm bells going off when he was recounting this story which was presented as being altruistic and being 'concerned' for her welfare. It didn't strike me as that at all, I felt it was predatory really and said so. He was pissed at that, so no more dating. Aside from the fact that she didn't keep her boundaries and he crossed over anyway, I know that he's done something similar in the past and met someone who was going to a gig he was going to and he offered to meet her there. Who in their right mind meets a stranger off the internet when it's not a date?? It's not the action, it's the approach that has really made me feel ick. A couple of friends think I was wrong for calling him out, but I see it as part of a modus operandi and I was really uncomfortable. What are your views?

HaveYouHadYourBreak · 30/04/2026 21:48

It's not uncommon if you are going to a concert alone to meet up with strangers so you have company.

It's also not uncommon to go into the venue together if you are buying a ticket off a stranger so you know it is legitimate.

I think he doesnt get boundaries though eg if she didnt turn up, that's a sign so dobt add her.

TBH charging more than the face value for the ticket is also icky.

Summerhillsquare · 30/04/2026 21:53

I'm sorry, I don't get what he did wrong? The profit on the ticket?

Pearlstillsinging · 30/04/2026 21:55

I'd be more worried about the profiteering tbh.

chillyputsomesockson · 30/04/2026 22:00

I’m not seeing anything I’d consider predatory behaviour? As someone myself who goes to a lot of concerts all seems fairly normal behaviour for getting rid of/buying a single ticket. She didn’t show up, he checked up on her, discovered she’s married, didn’t pursue. Where’s the predatory behaviour?
I’m not a fan of people reselling tickets at higher than face value but that’s his own moral choice and hers for paying over the face value.
I can see why he’s annoyed that you’ve accused him of being a predator, that a big thing to accuse a man of especially it todays climate, mud sticks.

LouiseMadetheBestBroccoliPasta · 30/04/2026 22:03

Well, he obviously was using the ticket situation to try to get in her pants. Duh.

And she dodged him.

I guess the red flag is that he pretended he wasn't trying to use the situation to get a lay, and then he got all "offended" when you pointed out that that was what he was doing.

I know guys like that. I was subjected to such spidery machinations quite a few times. Predatory is the right word. And they're always very "innocent" and "misunderstood" when you call those creepy manipulators out.

Listen to your gut. He sounds dodgy already on the basis of your previous knowledge of him anyway. Drop him and walk away.

SpiritAdder · 30/04/2026 22:05

I also don’t see predatory. She questioned if the tickets were real and she wasn’t being scammed so he offered to meet her there and go in together. That’s reassuring, not cringey.

He checks to make sure she got in, decent thing to do.

Finds out she’s married and keeps his distance.

You owe your friend an apology.

1983Louise · 30/04/2026 22:11

I just thought he was being friendly tbh, I would have probably have met up with him. We're all adults after all, he wouldn't make me feel vulnerable.

tryandbepositive · 30/04/2026 22:17

Good lord, women on here commenting they’d be happy to meet a stranger is just wild. For all you know, this could be how a predatory man creates his opportunity. I drum into my DD to have her wits about her and not to take unnecessary risks. Surely a sensible man would know this is an inappropriate situation to create? All odd.

Original poster

Spooky2000 · 30/04/2026 22:18

LouiseMadetheBestBroccoliPasta · 30/04/2026 22:03

Well, he obviously was using the ticket situation to try to get in her pants. Duh.

And she dodged him.

I guess the red flag is that he pretended he wasn't trying to use the situation to get a lay, and then he got all "offended" when you pointed out that that was what he was doing.

I know guys like that. I was subjected to such spidery machinations quite a few times. Predatory is the right word. And they're always very "innocent" and "misunderstood" when you call those creepy manipulators out.

Listen to your gut. He sounds dodgy already on the basis of your previous knowledge of him anyway. Drop him and walk away.

This, exactly. That's how I saw it. The ticket was given to her a few days before the gig so no need to meet her there and I felt that her not showing up and then messaging her was taking it too far. In my view, you're selling a spare ticket: you sell it, take the money, cheers and move on! You don't offer to meet someone there unless you're exchanging the ticket at the gig, surely?

OP posts:

Original poster

Spooky2000 · 30/04/2026 22:20

tryandbepositive · 30/04/2026 22:17

Good lord, women on here commenting they’d be happy to meet a stranger is just wild. For all you know, this could be how a predatory man creates his opportunity. I drum into my DD to have her wits about her and not to take unnecessary risks. Surely a sensible man would know this is an inappropriate situation to create? All odd.

Exactly! I'm aghast that anyone would think this is is OK and a safe situation! Next thing you know it's on the news!

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sallymonella · 30/04/2026 22:24

I don't see anything predatory either and would probably have gone with him as it's nice to have some company at a gig.

Dollymylove · 30/04/2026 22:26

tryandbepositive · 30/04/2026 22:17

Good lord, women on here commenting they’d be happy to meet a stranger is just wild. For all you know, this could be how a predatory man creates his opportunity. I drum into my DD to have her wits about her and not to take unnecessary risks. Surely a sensible man would know this is an inappropriate situation to create? All odd.

But dont people do that on dating apps? Meeting a stranger?
I dont get what this guy did so wrong unless theres something we weren't told, was he waving his willy around or something?

Original poster

Spooky2000 · 30/04/2026 22:27

sallymonella · 30/04/2026 22:24

I don't see anything predatory either and would probably have gone with him as it's nice to have some company at a gig.

I'm horrified at some of the answers on here. I really am. Where is the sense of safety?

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selffellatingouroborosofhate · 30/04/2026 22:29

I resisted though as he is a bit of a rogue (history of telling lies and cheating etc)

"When someone tells you who they are, believe them." You dodged a bullet.

alpenguin · 30/04/2026 22:34

You sound a bit dramatic OP
”aghast” and “horrified” at fairly tame responses of ordinary gig going behaviours.

Luck escape for you both.

Lmnop22 · 30/04/2026 22:37

Spooky2000 · 30/04/2026 22:18

This, exactly. That's how I saw it. The ticket was given to her a few days before the gig so no need to meet her there and I felt that her not showing up and then messaging her was taking it too far. In my view, you're selling a spare ticket: you sell it, take the money, cheers and move on! You don't offer to meet someone there unless you're exchanging the ticket at the gig, surely?

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But he asked her to meet at the gig even when she already had possession of the ticket and she said yes - you didn’t say he held the ticket ransom unless she met him there or that he social media stalked her and found out when/where she would be there to prey on her….

Maybe he saw it as a potential opportunity to make a connection with someone into the same music as him and going alone (which she volunteered to him) and when she said yes he got his hopes up that she was also interested in a possible connection and decided to follow up when she was then a no show.

You forget that every married couple were once total strangers talking for the first time!

Original poster

Spooky2000 · 30/04/2026 22:37

Dollymylove · 30/04/2026 22:26

But dont people do that on dating apps? Meeting a stranger?
I dont get what this guy did so wrong unless theres something we weren't told, was he waving his willy around or something?

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I'm not sure how to word this, as that was something that crossed my mind at the time - 'this is how dates begin'. But that's without a slight power dynamic that someone holds the power, the key the ticket - and agreeing to meet him at the time would have secured obtaining it beforehand, even if it wasn't her intention. Do you get where I'm coming from? He stepped over the line, she agreed to meet to ensure that she got the ticket sent to her and he then followed this up with a 'did you enjoy the gig' to re-engage her. It's wrong, IMO. Clearly she thought so too.

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Original poster

Spooky2000 · 30/04/2026 22:40

alpenguin · 30/04/2026 22:34

You sound a bit dramatic OP
”aghast” and “horrified” at fairly tame responses of ordinary gig going behaviours.

Luck escape for you both.

I really disagree and tbh, I hope that none of you encounter something awful happening because you think this is 'normal behaviour'. You don't sound cautious enough, IMO.

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chillyputsomesockson · 30/04/2026 22:40

Spooky2000 · 30/04/2026 22:27

I'm horrified at some of the answers on here. I really am. Where is the sense of safety?

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Two people meeting up in a massive public space surrounded by loads of other people where it would be incredibly easy to just walk away from the person if you don’t want to stay in their company. I can’t see what is so unsafe?

Lmnop22 · 30/04/2026 22:41

Spooky2000 · 30/04/2026 22:27

I'm horrified at some of the answers on here. I really am. Where is the sense of safety?

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To meet someone in a heavily crowded place is pretty safe. People meet strangers from online all the time! Predators at a concert looking to prey on others won’t not do so simply because they didn’t come with that person so going alone isn’t any safer!

Missj25 · 30/04/2026 22:43

Spooky2000 · 30/04/2026 22:27

I'm horrified at some of the answers on here. I really am. Where is the sense of safety?

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It’s fucking weird , you buy a ticket off of some stranger , next thing they’re offering to meet you at the gate & go in together to the gig .
Who actually does that !!.
Before the I’d rock up to a gig to meet someone I’ve never met in my entire life, & basically go out with them for the night .
It actually blows my mind the amount on here that are saying yeah great idea !!

Others comparing it to the same thing as meeting on a dating App , how is it ??
You get chatting to someone on a dating App that there is potential there for dating .
Completely different thing altogether.

Melarus · 30/04/2026 22:43

But surely just meeting someone you haven't met before isn't inherently dangerous?

LouiseMadetheBestBroccoliPasta · 30/04/2026 22:44

Spooky2000 · 30/04/2026 22:18

This, exactly. That's how I saw it. The ticket was given to her a few days before the gig so no need to meet her there and I felt that her not showing up and then messaging her was taking it too far. In my view, you're selling a spare ticket: you sell it, take the money, cheers and move on! You don't offer to meet someone there unless you're exchanging the ticket at the gig, surely?

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The fact that he added her as friend and then noted she was married - if he wasn't sexually interested in her, he wouldn't have commented on this.

He was obviously using the situation to try to get his leg over. The pretence that he was "concerned" for her is dodgy AF.

No way would he have been that solicitous if the ticket buyer was an older and/or unattractive woman.

This all makes him a creep.

Original poster

Spooky2000 · 30/04/2026 22:45

Lmnop22 · 30/04/2026 22:37

But he asked her to meet at the gig even when she already had possession of the ticket and she said yes - you didn’t say he held the ticket ransom unless she met him there or that he social media stalked her and found out when/where she would be there to prey on her….

Maybe he saw it as a potential opportunity to make a connection with someone into the same music as him and going alone (which she volunteered to him) and when she said yes he got his hopes up that she was also interested in a possible connection and decided to follow up when she was then a no show.

You forget that every married couple were once total strangers talking for the first time!

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No - I don't know if I'm not being clear or there's skim reading of my posts -
He agreed to give her the ticket
He was effectively in a position of power because he had something she wanted and so he asked to meet and she agreed to ensure she gets it, basically
the ticket is then passed over electronically a few days before the gig
she then doesn't show up because she's got it.

I don't know why there's so many that think it's OK to meet a total stranger in a massive area where you could be seen as being a couple having a row before he drags you off and rapes you in the bushes. Honest to god, VAWG, anyone??

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Lmnop22 · 30/04/2026 22:51

Spooky2000 · 30/04/2026 22:45

No - I don't know if I'm not being clear or there's skim reading of my posts -
He agreed to give her the ticket
He was effectively in a position of power because he had something she wanted and so he asked to meet and she agreed to ensure she gets it, basically
the ticket is then passed over electronically a few days before the gig
she then doesn't show up because she's got it.

I don't know why there's so many that think it's OK to meet a total stranger in a massive area where you could be seen as being a couple having a row before he drags you off and rapes you in the bushes. Honest to god, VAWG, anyone??

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But she had the ticket beforehand - you have absolutely no idea that she only agreed to meet him to get the ticket early - if anything that sounds like a reason not to bother sending the ticket at all because he could just bring both if he’s meeting her there!

I think the suggestion he would rape her in the bushes is taking probability and throwing it out of the window. Every single person you walk past in public might fight you into the bushes and rape you in theory and onlookers might think you’re a rowing couple. I don’t think the typical MO of your average bush rapist is to sell a gig ticket to a woman attending alone, meet her, sit through the whole gig with her and then rape her afterwards hoping it’s misinterpreted as a row and inside a concert venue with (I assume) limited vegetation….