‘He has pulled my hair, mainly to keep my head in place when I give him oral sex, or when he’s wanted it from behind.’ @Becksta1 unless you have ever explicitly said you enjoy having your hair pulled as some sort of sexual pleasure (which I very much doubt you have) this is not part of a normal sexual relationship, it is assault and he is asserting his dominance over you.
‘I know that some of the stuff he does is harmful, but I do think he loves me and doesn’t intend to hurt me. I know it’s still wrong but I think in lots of ways he is trying to care for me.’ Please reread this and actually understand what you’ve said here. I know you don’t want this to be real but you are minimising and excusing his behaviour so much and it pains me to read. He very much intends to hurt you, the bruises are almost definitely from assaults you were unconscious during or have blocked out. He does not care about you as a person, he cares about controlling you, keeping you compliant by offering glimpses of superficial kindness and he cares about being perceived as a good person. He does not care about you in any way that really matters. I’ve been with my husband 25years and he has never injured, drugged, abused or forced himself on me. I do not consider this to be something that is a good quality in a partner and that I’m fortunate to have a ‘good one’, it’s below the bare minimum to not be assaulted, belittled and coerced in a daily basis. You deserve to live in safety, without fear and, if you want it, real genuine love. If he genuinely loved and cared he’d be following through on his promises but he hasn’t, not one. He’s done nothing but placate you with empty words that he hasn’t no intention of honouring because he knows he can get away with it.
I’ve fortunately never been in a situation like yours and other posters. I understand abuse is insidious and is interspersed with reprieve/glimpses of normal behaviour otherwise no one would stay with an abuser. I know this is a very difficult time for you and your realisations of your reality are taking time to process and please understand in no way do I want you to feel like I’m accusing you of not doing enough/acting sooner/ or anything like that. Your post just made it sound like you had taken several giant steps backwards in your understanding of his behaviour, you haven’t been defending him like this recently and I just want to remind you how far you’ve come. I know it’s your default to defend and minimise as it feels safer but you need to work on retraining your thoughts so you don’t automatically do this. You need to find your anger or you’ll struggle to break free.
I agree with others he is possibly drugging you. Even if it’s just the Melatonin it can be very effective on some people and this combined with your trauma wanting you to block things out would very much explain the bruises being down to unconscious assault.
ETA: I’m pretty sure after 5mg taking more melatonin doesn’t actually do anything because your body can only absorb a certain amount but check with the GP on that.