Partner doesn’t want a relationship with my children

[Feralbookworm]

So myself and my partner have been together for a while. We have been very happy and he treats me amazing. He has met my children a handful of times and always seemed very happy with them. I will add the first time him meeting them was not planned, we had been away for the weekend and when we returned his car broke down and I had to lift my girls from my mum’s.
anyway…wee see each other a few times a week, usually a night or day during the week depending on work and day and evening at the weekend ( we live an hour away from each other) I have been happy with this set up and he appeared to be.
he was very quiet the last week or two and I thought something was bothering him and after pushing him he say he struggles being around my children, really only my youngest (8).
He said it’s nothing to do with her behaviour or anything as she is a good kid but he feels he just finds himself getting annoyed with younger kids. he has a teenage son and is a brilliant dad.
he basically ended the relationship then. Said we don’t have a future because of that. He gets anxious and I know he’s in a spiral but I’m still hurt as I wish he was upfront from the start. He knew I had children and he was always the one talking about us moving in together eventually etc etc
we have spoken since but I’m at a loss. I was always happy to continue as we were, we mostly seen each other away from the kids but the odd night he would come down for dinner etc.
He now has shut down and is just very matter of fact and cold, yet he says he would do anything to make us work.
I feel I should just let him go but Aibu? Even when I’ve spoke about making it work he meets me with roadblocks, things that might happen etc etc

I don’t think this has anything to do with your dd. Kids don’t stay 8 forever.

I had a similar situation. 3 months relationship and he knew my kids ages, had met them a few times briefly when picking me up etc.
Eventually he told me he didn't want to ' deal with and be limited by young kids' when his were growing up . He also knew I was a solo parent.
Needless to say, I said thats fine and bye bye.
It was difficult at the time but In hindsight the best decision. I realised that being in a relationship with someone who saw my children as a problem was doomed and I know my children would have picked up on it as time went on and they eventually spent time with him.

There are men out there who wont have any issues with you being a parent.

What makes him trash? The fact that he came to the conclusion that the relationship will not work? If it was a woman in that situation, wouldn't we all say "you can end up a relationship for any reason"? He did not lie and he did not cheat, he tried, realised it won't work and ended it.

What he wants is to have you, but without your dc.

Totally impossible situation. Let him go. Wave him a cheery piss off, in fact.

He singled out one of her children that he doesn't like to be around. That's pretty trashy.

Why is it? Some kids are annoying. Fair play to him for being honest and realising the situation isn't for him.

Your child isn’t going to be 8 forever though in no time at all they’ll be a teenager so not really getting his reasoning there. Either way I would let him go, if he’s not all in by now I doubt he ever will be. Save yourself the heartache.

Please do not expose your child to a man that openly admits he doesn’t want to be around them. Honestly why are you so desperate to compromise your kids over this charmless man?

He has done the right thing.

It might not be about the youngest child as an individual but rather the bigger picture.

As an example a local man ended a relationship because the way the children spoke to their mother wasn’t acceptable in his book, but he couldn’t say anything because the mum felt it was fine and that he was overstepping by speaking up.

So he still had feelings for her, but it wasn’t going to work long term as a family unit in his opinion. That sort of stuff causes issues between the adults down the track…

This chap might see himself in the same position.

It's obviously upsetting but at least he's been honest with you before it went on much longer. I wouldn't want to be with anyone who didn't like my child/children!

He sounds like an idiot and that it is just an excuse. I mean how can you make it work - hide your kid and pretend she doesn’t exist?

He’s a coward by not saying the truth.

He's done you a favour. Keep him gone. I'd bet the kids are an excuse. He's just looking for something casual. If that's not right for you steer clear.

@Feralbookworm ive been in a similar situation myself and i think all you can do is just focus on your children. My ex hadnt got his own children and struggled to understand the responsibilities i had. He made comments that they were my life, and ultimately i realised id never be enough for him because i had these all these other responsibilities. If id ever wanted him to move in, he wouldnt have been able to handle the children, had i not wanted him to move in, he then would have said there wasnt a future. I just couldnt win despite him being someone i wanted to be with for the long haul. I was completely heartbroken but when i look at my happy small kids, i genuinely feel like this was the path i was meant to follow. Im sure my ex will meet someone too who suits what he wants. People are allowed to change their minds.

Maybe your partner just wants someone who puts him first and now he's factoring in that and being an hour away, and its just no longer what he wants. As painful as it is, then you have to respect his decision. Stay strong, i know its hard, but it's the right decision all round.

Things have moved quickly in 6 months.
Spending time with a boyfriend's young children at this early stage would undoubtedly freak me out. Feels way too fast. Perhaps that's how he feels ?

Yes, exactly. Blame it on an 8 year old girl, rather than take responsibility for his feelings.

Also, dicking OP around by saying he loves her and will do anything to work it out, while simultaneously doing none of the things that will actually make it work out.

He dodges accountability and he's full of shit.

Honestly, some womens' bar is in hell. "What makes him trash?" why is it not obvious to you? I despair.

Sorry to be harsh but you sound a bit pathetic a man after six months has told you your child annoys him and your thinking of ways to make it work and keep things separate. Why would you want to speak to let alone date someone who finds your child annoying when your child has done nothing on them. Wise up put your kids first and block him.

I know you said your kids met him unintentionally, but if they knew him as your boyfriend that’s on you. He should have just been your friend and never saw them after that day until you reached the appropriate stage of your relationship. 6 months is nothing - they shouldn’t have met him yet, then you wouldn’t be in those situation too.

Leave him alone now and work on yourself and how to not get too involved too soon.