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Original poster

Partner doesn’t want a relationship with my children

67 replies

Feralbookworm · 27/04/2026 17:26

So myself and my partner have been together for a while. We have been very happy and he treats me amazing. He has met my children a handful of times and always seemed very happy with them. I will add the first time him meeting them was not planned, we had been away for the weekend and when we returned his car broke down and I had to lift my girls from my mum’s.
anyway…wee see each other a few times a week, usually a night or day during the week depending on work and day and evening at the weekend ( we live an hour away from each other) I have been happy with this set up and he appeared to be.
he was very quiet the last week or two and I thought something was bothering him and after pushing him he say he struggles being around my children, really only my youngest (8).
He said it’s nothing to do with her behaviour or anything as she is a good kid but he feels he just finds himself getting annoyed with younger kids. he has a teenage son and is a brilliant dad.
he basically ended the relationship then. Said we don’t have a future because of that. He gets anxious and I know he’s in a spiral but I’m still hurt as I wish he was upfront from the start. He knew I had children and he was always the one talking about us moving in together eventually etc etc
we have spoken since but I’m at a loss. I was always happy to continue as we were, we mostly seen each other away from the kids but the odd night he would come down for dinner etc.
He now has shut down and is just very matter of fact and cold, yet he says he would do anything to make us work.
I feel I should just let him go but Aibu? Even when I’ve spoke about making it work he meets me with roadblocks, things that might happen etc etc

OP posts:
AgnesMcDoo · 27/04/2026 17:32

Let him go.

He’s completely wrong for you and your kids. He’s doing you a favour by making the decision.

neilshair · 27/04/2026 17:33

It doesn’t sound like he is your partner? He has ‘basically ended the relationship’ and ‘shut down, cold’ and also meeting you with ‘roadblocks’ - it sounds to me like he has fully checked out, your DC might just be an excuse tbh so he is acting like he is doing you some sort of favour here. Definitely just let him go, for whatever reason he doesn’t want to be there.

HenDoNot · 27/04/2026 17:33

He’s told you he struggles being around your child.

Why are you trying to find solutions to this in order to carry on seeing him, and running the risk of your child picking up on his dislike of them, instead of putting your child first?

It sounds like in theory he was up for dating someone with young children, but the reality was like a bucket of cold water.

Let him go.

Arlanymor · 27/04/2026 17:33

AgnesMcDoo · 27/04/2026 17:32

Let him go.

He’s completely wrong for you and your kids. He’s doing you a favour by making the decision.

Absolutely. Some couplings don’t just work out. He has at least been honest with you, even if you struggle to understand it.

UpDownAllAround1 · 27/04/2026 17:34

He has shown you who he is…believe him. He said you had no future together. Sad to hear but sounds like an excuse. Describing a child as annoying is just wrong

Ophir · 27/04/2026 17:34

You are not being unreasonable to feel sad that it’s over, but he’s not being unreasonable to realise that he just doesn’t want to continue a relationship with someone with younger children.

Just let it go, don’t keep in touch snd move on when you are ready

Mischance · 27/04/2026 17:35

Let him go. He has to take you as you are - the whole package.

zurigo · 27/04/2026 17:37

Be sad, by all means, but this issue is unsolvable. You can't get rid of your DD to please him and he doesn't want to be around her, so it's over. Yes, he should've been honest, but maybe he didn't realise that he couldn't cope with little kids again until he tried it? Whatever the reason, the relationship is over.

Original poster
Feralbookworm · 27/04/2026 17:37

Thank you. Obviously my children come first that’s always been reiterated by me, and the same with him and his child.
I think the shock has just knocked me for six tbh.
I was never looking a step father or a new father for my children. I thought it was an excuse but who would use someone’s kids as an excuse, wouldn’t you just say yeah I don’t want to be with you anymore etc etc

OP posts:
Bristolandlazy · 27/04/2026 17:38

Why would you want to make it work with someone who has told you they feel annoyed around your child?
Sounds like he thought it was up for it but can't really hack it.

He's also not been very mature just cutting it off.

Move on.. He's let you down. Your children don't need this man in their or your lives.

rainbowunicorn22 · 27/04/2026 17:38

let him go he should never have agreed to meet you if he did not want children and he knew you did. perhaps he thought he could change.
anyway if you got back together you would be subjecting your child to years of misery and most likely pyschological damage

TomatoSandwiches · 27/04/2026 17:39

But if he just decided to split and not give you a reason you seem to be someone that would be bothering him for a good enough reason.... you need to leave it, accept it and move on op.

MyMonthlyNameChange · 27/04/2026 17:41

Honestly, it sounds like he's met someone else and is using that as an excuse.

Either way, the trash has taken itself out, so in that respect he's done you a favour.

Bullet dodged. Onwards and upwards.

Original poster
Feralbookworm · 27/04/2026 17:41

TomatoSandwiches · 27/04/2026 17:39

But if he just decided to split and not give you a reason you seem to be someone that would be bothering him for a good enough reason.... you need to leave it, accept it and move on op.

Absolutely not. If he said I don’t feel the way I did then fine. But when someone says I’ll do anything to make it work and I love you BUT ….. then I feel I have a right to be shocked when his reasons totally contradict everything he’s ever said

OP posts:
Ophir · 27/04/2026 17:45

I don’t really understand what he’s done wrong, or the suggestions of other women. He obviously liked the op enough to give the relationship a try, but realised he couldn’t do the kid thing again when reality hit

Perfectly reasonable although it is always horrible being dumped, and I feel for the op

cantgardenintherain · 27/04/2026 17:48

If he doesn’t want any involvement he basically becomes a competitor for your time. Bin.

Original poster
Feralbookworm · 27/04/2026 17:48

Ophir · 27/04/2026 17:45

I don’t really understand what he’s done wrong, or the suggestions of other women. He obviously liked the op enough to give the relationship a try, but realised he couldn’t do the kid thing again when reality hit

Perfectly reasonable although it is always horrible being dumped, and I feel for the op

Thanks. I am thankful he was honest now and didn’t let it go on any longer. Then I was thinking maybe I should just keep things separate. I have my kids and I’ve had my long term relationship with their dad. I never wanted a full blown moving in together situation anyway. I know lots of blended families and the issues that arises from it does seem difficult. But maybe that would lead to resentment. I don’t know. I think just letting him go would be easier

OP posts:
outerspacepotato · 27/04/2026 17:50

He doesn't like your kids, especially the 8 year old and struggles to be around her. That makes you completely incompatible. He's possibly a misogynist who doesn't like being around girl children. Maybe he doesn't want to be around younger kids. But it boils down to that for him, your kids are the deal breaker and he was upfront with you about it.

Do not try to keep this relationship. He is not a man you want around your girls if he doesn't like them and struggles to be around them. He doesn't want to be in the relationship any more.

Steelworks · 27/04/2026 17:51

I agree with @Ophir . His intentions were good, and he probably did want it to all work out, but he realised that it wasn’t going to happen, so he ended the relationship. Subsequently, He’s doing what’s usually advised on mn Ie. To block the partner and to move on.

Better to do this than to string you along with false promises.

Original poster
Feralbookworm · 27/04/2026 17:53

Steelworks · 27/04/2026 17:51

I agree with @Ophir . His intentions were good, and he probably did want it to all work out, but he realised that it wasn’t going to happen, so he ended the relationship. Subsequently, He’s doing what’s usually advised on mn Ie. To block the partner and to move on.

Better to do this than to string you along with false promises.

But he hasn’t blocked me we have chatted and discussed how to make it work and I’ve said if that’s what you want I’ll go and we won’t contact each other anymore and he said that wasn’t what he wanted.

OP posts:
JLou08 · 27/04/2026 17:59

He's done the right thing ending the relationship. It would be very selfish to continue when he doesn't like your Dd, she would pick up on that.

giraffeandahalf · 27/04/2026 18:00

Sounds like he has ended the relationship but wants some sort of friends with benefits situation

DeskGnome · 27/04/2026 18:00

I feel I should just let him go but Aibu?

Well he's ended the relationship so what do you mean by this?

How long were you two together OP?

Original poster
Feralbookworm · 27/04/2026 18:02

DeskGnome · 27/04/2026 18:00

I feel I should just let him go but Aibu?

Well he's ended the relationship so what do you mean by this?

How long were you two together OP?

He ended it but we have talked since, he wanted to remain friends then we talked about how we could still work and said he would do anything to make us work.
He just isn’t really being clear about what he wants. Which is why I think maybe time I just decided enough is enough. 6 months

OP posts:
Butterme · 27/04/2026 18:02

It sounds as though he doesn’t want a proper relationship and just wants a FWBs/casual thing - which is absolutely fine but you both need to be on the same page.

If you want something that’s going to develop into something more serious and maybe move in together etc then this is never going to work.

If you’re just happy with more of a companionship and sex without anything too serious and to keep the 2 lives separate, then this could work.