Family tried to take away my autonomy

[twilightleap2023]

I don't know what to put this under, there's no general topic for "family", there's also no rant.

My sister is getting married in the summer. I have to travel to another city so I sorted my transport and hotel early (Feb) to keep the cost down. I was told at the end of last week (aka the end of April!!!) that a hotel room was booked for me as part of a blocked booking in October (!!!).

NO ONE told me anything about this. No one asked me if I wanted to be part of this block booking. No one has offered an apology. All of this makes me feel very angry and upset. I don't know who arranged this, but my parents and my sister and her partner are all culprits (everyone is saying someone else sorted this) and I feel annoyed with all of them. When I asked my mother about this, she tried to turn the blame on me by saying that I should have stayed in the family group chat and I would have known, and I should have asked my sister what the plan was (how can I ask about something I know nothing about?!?!?!). This behavior only made me feel even more hurt and angry.

I am of course keeping the hotel that I did book. But I have to visit my parents next weekend, something I also booked in advance. I don't really feel like seeing them at the moment. What's the best way to approach this?

I don’t know why you’re so angry.
They obviously thought they were doing you a favour by booking it for you.

Just remind them that you told them that you’ve already booked yours and so can’t change it.

Why are you not in the WhatsApp group?

Sorry but what is the actual problem? Youve booked a room, theyve also booked for you. Just stay in one & cancel the other one?

It’s not the drama you’re making it into. Just say thanks but no thanks.

Quite a dramatic title for such a non-issue.

Your reaction is really weird and disproportionate, unless you’ve missed out a massive chunk of the story?

Why did you leave the family group chat? I'm sensing there's a backstory, and from this post you're coming across as a bit dramatic and difficult.

Unless there is some massive drip feed coming, the best way to approach this is to grow up.

Calm down, it's no biggie. Just cancel the booking you don't need.

Jeez I'm surprised you weren't kicked out of the group instead of leaving! Imagine booking a room for you! How very very dare they 😂

This, I was expecting something dramatic to do with medical or legal issues!

Would you rather they had left you out OP?

To me this one seems to be a lot more you than them, you seem to have fixed on a single way this needs to happen and then have pulled back from engaging in group communication and your emotional responses seem to be out of proportion to the actual issues.

Why did you leave the family group chat?

Had you already told them you'd booked a hotel room?

I feel like there's a massive back story here.

You are completely overreacting and very dramatic on your posting style.

You left a family chat group where it's reasonable to assume detsils would have been shared there. You also appear to have gone on a solo run booking rooms without checking with anyone else.

No one took away your atonomy. You can still do whatever you want. You need to work on your communication issues.

You seem disproportionately angry over a non-issue really.

How dare those culprits take your autonomy!!! 😱

I get the distinct impression that this is not the first time the OP's family has presented her with a fait accompli without actually discussing it with her first.

We have family members like this. Big family get-togethers all arranged a couple of hundred miles away from us, and then we get told where and when it is. Never mind whether it is convenient for us or not (it usually isn't), and then we are the unreasonable ones if we can't fall in with their plans. It has been going on for the best part of 30 years now. Tiresome in the extreme.

Perhaps insist on expressing your autonomy further by going to a completely different wedding on the same day (ask around at other churches). They won't turn you away if you show up with a really nice present. Post the pictures on Facebook.

Yes, do this, OP. Or a funeral if you really want to stand over your autonomy.

Your reaction is OTT. You really need to chill out. I’m waiting on a back story. Not sure why you left the group chat. There’s a drip feed to come I suspect.

They block booked presumably for close family so that no one got caught out and couldn't get a room near the venue. Is the booking in the hotel where the reception will be held? That would make it very convenient and might well get booked up. As others have said if you prefer the hotel you booked say you won't need it and they can use it for someone else or cancel it. Storm in a teacup.

Have they asked you to pay for the block-booked room? If not, there is no problem, just don't pay, don't use it, and stick with the one you booked.

If they have asked you to pay, then there will be an awkward conversation to be had, whereby you refuse to pay, or only agree to pay what the other room cost, less any cancellation fees. If the other room is non-refundable, you can't pay anything towards the block-booked room.

The bigger issue is them treating you like a child who can be told what to do without consultation. It shows a fundamental lack of respect for you.

Blimey, usually posts like this are about being left out of family events and group chat. They obviously value you as part of the family and have included you in the booking OP. Your original booking in February was quite premature, assuming the wedding is in the UK. At best I can understand minor irritation maybe but not such anger. Is there is massive drip feed coming?

Bloody hell if that’s all it takes to upset you then you must live a very privileged life!! I was expecting a Britney Spears situation from your thread title.

Why are you so angry they are not "culprits" i mean they could have said but they haven't done that much wrong, you can either ask them to cancel the room or you can cancel your room.