Is joking/banter with other men ok if you are married?

[lovenotwar149]

I am curious to see what other married women , or other women , actually men too, think of this?
I have a very emotionally expressive nature and I laugh and joke around a lot when interacting with other people.
I do this with men and women alike. and it goes down very well , I build rapport and connection with ppl very easily.
Recently , I have been questioning whether I have enabled 'flirty' comments from other men. I stay inside the playful/slightly cheeky (no sexual jokes at all) lane most definitely , but sometimes a man takes it in a sexy direction.When this has happened ,I ignore it ,not in an awkward way as I am quite a quick thinker and have a comeback so as not to make it awkward. I dont address the sexy comment b/c I am not offended/bothered by it.
As its happened with a few men recently , and I think it says everything about them , I have been wondering whether to change my ways.
What do ppl think pls?

I have playful fun banter with my workmates who are men, but my own personal rule is never say anything you wouldn't say if their wife or girlfriend was standing next to them, so laughing, joking, all fine, but anything that starts to build a little bubble with you and them, or you spending time just the two of you, nope, absolutely not.

I am a friendly outgoing person, occasionally I'm asked out as a consequence of this, but not by men overstepping (more by single men) because I'm good at shutting down overstepping and I don't seek out situations to be with them out of a group or elsewhere.

You are allowed to laugh though!

I also never text anything I wouldn't want them showing their own partner, so casual text fine, but nothing that I wouldn't want others seeing.

I think a bit of gentle banter makes both parties feel good. But it has to be nipped in the bud if it starts to get overly familiar or sexy, it can be a thin line between banter and teasing or flirting. And I think it needs to be in a group environment not when you are alone with a man.

Yep, you could do all of that or you could just say hi, how are you. In my experience it doesn't make much difference to men.

I work in a male dominated industry and tend to shy away from sex-type banter, and banter generally. We have a laugh but not at one another's expense usually.

Some men interpret breathing as flirting, just continue to be you.
I am naturally quite chatty and upbeat, it is sometimes taken wrongly by men and it is shut down very quickly. When I was wearing a wedding ring, I found it much easier to shut down then now I'm not, it can be so exhausting that I think twice before interacting.

I agree. But until someone finds the magic bullet, men will continue to think with their dicks as they have done since time began.

Yeah, laughing and joking isn't flirting. Until n unless other person seems interested in you. Trust me girls know it

What are we counting as flirting here? I flirt with everyone, male and female - but it’s not crude or suggestive, just light hearted, and makes people feel good about themselves.

Jesus, what sort of men do you know?! All the men I know are lovely and we can talk for hours as friends, banter included, although never sexual obviously.

Do you talk jokily to men and women in the same way, OP?

But you describe it as flirting.

This is one of the great things about being properly old 😂 I didn't think of myself as flirtatious - and can't really have been, given my abysmal failures to attract the men I was interested in - but have often been told I flirt with everyone.

Someone: The weather's unusually gorgeous today ...
Me: Isn't it just? I'll be able to get me legs out for the first time this year!

Most people would've responded with a similar remark or something about having to epilate, etc. But some women would throw a suspicious side-eye, some men would take it as prompting for a sleazy comment on my legs.

Now I'll get a serious, head-tilted observation on the importance of getting Vitamin D with, if I'm lucky (!), a warning about sunburn.

I akways have, but those I do it with know my boundaries and know I’m joking.

It says more about them than it does about you.
Dont worry and dont change to please others.

I work in music and with all sorts of artists and egos. There is always a huge amount of banter that goes on and its always in good fun. I have had to talk with some crew who think an artist or band member is coming on to them to tone down their responses and its the nature of the extrovert.

I've had conversations with women who I used to have posters of up on my wall when I was a teenager that have been extremely suggestive but its always clear where the line is. Besides I'm the person who's job it is to make sure they look good so people tend to be a bit more friendly.

My oldest and closest friend is a huge flirt as is her husband. People in the past have suggested she change. They generally get told where to stick it. And to me as long as lines are not crossed that is the correct response.

I think you can have banter with men , obviously not sexual or flirty and shut it down if it's not reciprocated . I don't walk up to strangers and start it nor would I engage with someone who I didn't know .
My mantra is if you wouldn't be like that in front of your husband then also don't do it if they are not around .
Been with mine 25 years so it's worked so far .

IME quite a few men seem to think that a if a woman is being friendly, it means she must fancy them. Not all of them of course, but enough to make us ask ourselves questions like the OP is. It’s quite pathetic really.

I think it really depends on what's actually being said.

I'll banter with male friends that I know and trust, I'd be more cautious with new colleagues / strangers

I do

Tbh I don't even know why you asked the question OP..
You seem quite at ease with your style of talking.
I do think there are some double standards on this thread: OP, a married woman, talks to men in a flirty way and then apparently doesn't like it when they respond in kind only in more sexual language. So apparently some pp think it's ok for her to use flirty language but the men are in the wrong by taking her up on it.

Someone: The weather's unusually gorgeous today ...
Me: Isn't it just? I'll be able to get me legs out for the first time this year!
I wouldn't say that was flirting but it would depend how you said it. "I'll be able to get me legs out " seems a bit naff but not overly so. Why draw attention to your legs.

I don't know why OP asked the question either. It looks like she wanted to be reassured that it was ok.

My mother always told me to never underestimate how easily a man will think you're interested in him. In time I have seen that she has been right, in general. When in doubt, I don't do anything that could be misconstrued as interest.

Are we actually sexualising women’s legs now?

Depends on how you say it.

No, it doesn’t. We need to stop constantly sexualising women’s bodies as though their mere existence is a provocation. It’s not up to women to manage how they are seen, it’s up to other people to manage their own reactions