Is joking/banter with other men ok if you are married?

[lovenotwar149]

I am curious to see what other married women , or other women , actually men too, think of this?
I have a very emotionally expressive nature and I laugh and joke around a lot when interacting with other people.
I do this with men and women alike. and it goes down very well , I build rapport and connection with ppl very easily.
Recently , I have been questioning whether I have enabled 'flirty' comments from other men. I stay inside the playful/slightly cheeky (no sexual jokes at all) lane most definitely , but sometimes a man takes it in a sexy direction.When this has happened ,I ignore it ,not in an awkward way as I am quite a quick thinker and have a comeback so as not to make it awkward. I dont address the sexy comment b/c I am not offended/bothered by it.
As its happened with a few men recently , and I think it says everything about them , I have been wondering whether to change my ways.
What do ppl think pls?

Stop flirting with married men. If you are married, don't flirt with other men.
It's that simple.

So laughing and joking is flirting in your opinion?

It’s fine.

I think some men and women are perfectly able to banter while keeping it unsexual and respectful but most men wouldn't give a woman the time of the day to banter unless he fancied her and found her attractive and banter is a way to flirt and test the waters so if I were you I would be more formal with men to avoid misunderstandings.

I didn't say that but playful/slightly cheeky does suggest flirting.
As its happened with a few men recently , and I think it says everything about them ,... The common denominator is you.

Yup , I think you've hit the nail on the head there , thx. Wise and sensible.

Ouch! I think u are right. Ouch! I will amend my ways. Thanks for being straight!

It does still say s'thing about them too as they are , all 3 culprits, married too

Only amend your ways if it bothers you.

If it doesn't then stay as you are.

Plenty of people in the world take all sorts of things a different way, no matter what it is or who they are.

I joke and have banter with men, absolutely nothing sexual. Same as I do with women. I’m friendly and warm and quite chatty by nature, make friends easily and enjoy the company of other humans. Regularly go for lunch with a guy from work, we are both married with kids but we share a hobby (we don’t go to this together as we live nowhere near each other) so have common ground. And I often go on dog walks with my friends husband because I walk a lot and he is sometimes going in my direction with his dog. We laugh, chat, joke etc, it’s all fine. Dh knows, he’s not bothered because, well, I guess he trusts that I’m not a flirty cheat?!
Also though, neither of the men I mentioned or any others in my life that I have a friendship with make flirty comments - I’d put an end to that immediately tbh.

She's not flirting! Are you from the Victorian age?

It's a matter of interpretation. The men are interpreting it as flirting.

Yes, I'm from the Victorian age. I'm at least 125 years old.

There are some men that interpret 'active listening' as flirting

I changed how I interacted with men once I got married because I don’t like having to shut things down when they go in the wrong direction. That said, I’m not quick with a come back, or good at navigating tricky waters like others can be.

I didn’t change overnight. It was a gradual thing of realising how little encouragement some men need. I keep it professional and dull now.

But I’m not suggesting you should be more like me - it’s the verbal equivalent of wearing a veil in public. I’ve let myself get smaller to avoid inappropriate men. If you’re comfortable and confident, and can shut it down effectively, just keep on being yourself.

I used to work with someone who thought that having a tube of hand lotion on your desk was to indicate that you were on the pull.

Interesting answer, thanks you,
Yes I am very good at comebacks and I dont feel awkward if a flirty comment comes my way. I handle myself well in these situations.
I also like my bubbly nature...Mmmm, I will amend but not change

You sound fine tbh. I sometimes drink in an old fashioned boozer, I'm friendly and open and sometimes have to deal with lame, flirty chat. Especially when my OH isn’t with me.

I have fun in shutting it down. 'How's your wife, Dave?'. 'You're old enough to be my grandad sweetie, but thanks for the offer.' 'I'm just trying to have a nice drink darling, not get an STI'.

Obviously I wouldn't put up with anything too sleazy or horrible, but I just channel my inner barmaid, and have a laugh.

It's fine. I am the same way I was when I was single and I wasn't trying to sleep with every guy I met then, it's just chat - just as it is now. I am very secure in my boundaries and my intent.

Of course it's fine - don't you have any male friends?

I think if it opens a door to somebody who thinks you’re flirting, they’re going to go to the next level to see if you reciprocate. It’s difficult because what you see as ‘banter’ might be classed as ‘flirting’ by someone else. Would you be ok if your husband or partner did this with women, to the point where they thought he was open to sexual flirting?
Everyone’s boundaries and definitions differ, so surely the safest thing is to keep away from ‘playful/ slightly cheeky’ because if I heard a women doing this to my husband or partner I wouldn’t be comfortable with it at all. Playful/ cheeky messages from other women to husbands have been photographed and seen as evidence of innapropriate friendships repeatedly on Mumsnet. Being ‘cheeky and playful’ is the start of flirting to me, for single people only. If it’s reciprocated and taken up a notch by others, you know you’ve probably crossed a line. There’s ‘being friendly’ and then there’s getting an ego high from the return banter from the opposite sex . Be careful and honest with yourself that you’re just being friendly, staying within those boundaries and not seeing return banter as opposite sex validation. Very fine line.

And yes I do have male friends and banter is never of a flirty nature.

Well I would call playful/slightly cheeky
conversation the very essence of flirting
So I'm not surprised that men are taking this as a green light and progressing this to more sexual stuff.

Fine if your partner and their partners are ok with your playful cheeky conversations but I certainly wouldnt be happy seeing another women talking to my H thus way.

I think it's fine as long as you don't over step with the sexual inuenndos.
If you're extrovert & chatty banter/flirting can become second nature. My friends know I wouldn't cheat on my dh but they say I'm flirty & don't even realise it. I'm just being my natural, extrovert self.
What are you supposed to do? Wear a veil & avoid male interaction in case it's misinterpreted? Why should you change your personality just because you're talking to a man. In a world currently filled with so much misery & hatred, a little banter, laugh & a joke, makes life a little more pleasant & enjoyable 🙂

I've heard it all now 🤣🤣

The common denominator here is men thinking with their dicks ugh