Is joking/banter with other men ok if you are married?

[lovenotwar149]

I am curious to see what other married women , or other women , actually men too, think of this?
I have a very emotionally expressive nature and I laugh and joke around a lot when interacting with other people.
I do this with men and women alike. and it goes down very well , I build rapport and connection with ppl very easily.
Recently , I have been questioning whether I have enabled 'flirty' comments from other men. I stay inside the playful/slightly cheeky (no sexual jokes at all) lane most definitely , but sometimes a man takes it in a sexy direction.When this has happened ,I ignore it ,not in an awkward way as I am quite a quick thinker and have a comeback so as not to make it awkward. I dont address the sexy comment b/c I am not offended/bothered by it.
As its happened with a few men recently , and I think it says everything about them , I have been wondering whether to change my ways.
What do ppl think pls?

Good points here , thank you for them. I will reflect....

Yeah yeah ,I hear you. It's interesting b/c the men I quote who have been a bit flirty ,it's been subtle and only once/twice by any one of them. I think they have been unsure as to whether I am actually flirting or just being animated/friendly, so they have tried , its not been reciprocated by me and then they have stepped back (verbally etc). This tells me that I have infact most probably stayed in the appropriate lane, and these men tired to test the waters etc They then realised it was just playful banter and went back to reciprocating that.However , I will still amend I think b/c I will see these men again and if I dont amend they will prob go there again which I dont want to happen

This is so true, I agree. Quite presumptuous of men really isn't it?

Wow! Maybe it says more about men who always try and turn a perfectly innocent conversation into an invitation to overstep boundaries! Women being blamed for men’s poor behaviour once again!

It sound as though you get a kick out of playing games with men: flirting with them and trying to trap them into taking the bait.

How do your women friends and your colleagues feel about this because it comes over as though you enjoy being the centre of male attention. It must quite upsetting for the women in these men's lives to see you playing games with their partners.

OP, is not responsible for the behaviour of men.

Some of the comments on here sound very much like “well she led him on”.

The only people responsible for men taking conversations down a sexual path are the men themselves, who are married so clearly not decent men.

Not at all. Not all men are like that. Some might be.
You can interact with someone without being flirty. Flirting is more than just conversation.

Everyone is different.
I'm not "outgoing" and don't enjoy " jokey banter"
with other men.
Not sure I ever did.

Yeah, I think a good boundary to have is to think about what you want to say and if it's something you wouldn't say if your partner or his were present, it's crossing the line.

I'm normally not an extrovert, people person like you, but I do like to joke around. I made an abnormal for me joke to a married male co-worker once, also in front of another male co-worker, whereas I assumed they'd both totally know it was a joke. But then he actually thought I was into him and paid more attention to me inappropriately whereas I finally had to have a talk with him to cut it out. It was a mistake I made that snowballed, and I never did that again.

Not this is not true of me.
What I will confess to , and I am not proud of this , but if I really am going to be brutally honest with myself , is ....
I am jokey/banter like with ppl , period. It builds connection and I have a reputation for being someone who others feel uplifted by. Many ppl have called and said ....I wanted to call u because I was feeling down and I know I will feel better after speaking to u.
The confession (to myself is...), when engaging with others , if its with a man (married or not) who I am pretty sure (cant be 100%) is lets says enjoying my conversation a little too much ,I dont taper it in such situations, I carry on as I am. This is what I am now going to amend. I am not going to change my emotionally expressive , jokey banter ways ,but if I sense a 'man' is toooo engaged, I will withdraw that energy. I think this is a good healthy conclusion and approach for me to take.

I cant disagree with this. Yet I would also say my behaviour could be seen as 'enabling' which doesn't mean responsible for

I was once in a situation whereby I didnt like how a married woman was behaving towards my husband , very flirty indeed. I spoke to my hubby about it of course and then I confronted her too.
A woman can speak up for herself too if she doesn't like how another woman is behaving towards her partner/hubby

@IckyIck "Flirting is more than just conversation."

Try telling men that.

This is a VERY VERY. good boundary. I will remember this. Thank you

Yes often it is when directed at the opposite sex, particularly if strangers or acquaintances.

What else would flirting consist of?!

Fair comment. I thought flirting was more than that ...i.e. making sexual innuendoes etc which I do not do at all

looool

I am very pleased I have plan in action now going forward.
Thank you people for your replies, much appreciated :)

But that’s not the problem of OP or any other woman. Men need to get a grip.

You'd be amazed. Chapstick was off the scale.

I have just recalled a memory of when I was 20. Years and years ago. I was at a uni party chatting to 2 girlfriends. A guy was nearby staring at me. The 3 of us girls were laughing and joking around. The guy tried to join in which we allowed . In notice at all he whispered in my ear ...wanna go to bed? I was so shocked I burst out laughing. BIG mistake. He got really angry and started swearing at me , I was so scared.

I meant in no time at all

Some might do things like play with their hair, linger their eye-contact or touch someone. It might be unintentional but I think it would be interpreted as being flirty.

They are interpreting it wrong.

That isn't the OP's fault. Some men would take the words "Good morning" from a woman as a flirtatious approach.

I'm not blaming anyone for anyone else's behaviour.