New DP doesn’t use my name

[jerrywesterby]

Very new guy, approx 2 months of dating, everything is going great, he’s kind and funny and attentive, I really like him. However, I realised the other day that in all the time I’ve known him he’s never used my name! Either in texts or in person.. he doesn’t start any messages with “Hi Jerrywesterby” for eg. I say his name all the time, im starting to wonder if he even knows what it is! It’s weird right? Im not sure whether to bring it up because I don’t want him to feel like I’ve been keeping score, or just wait and see… wwyd?

My DH never calls me by my name unless he’s talking about me to someone else, it’s always weird and/or cute nicknames and always has been lol! To be fair I do the same back to him although I do use his name if I’m annoyed with him

Yeah I literally can't remember the last time my partner called me by my name, either on a message, call or face to face. It's either babe or sweetheart when directed to me, or usually 'my missus' if talking about me to someone else.

I think I'd actually be a bit worried if he came home tonight and said 'Hi littlebitpsycho, how was your day' 🤷‍♀️

I would find that a bit odd. Not a big deal but definitely noticeable and a bit jarring.

I do this with my partner too 😂 I just never “needed” to use it and now it would feel really strange! We have two children together though so I’m hoping he knows that I do know what it is…

I'd assume he has several women on the go and he doesn't want to risk getting the names mixed up. That would be a real turn off for me. It's dehumanising, as though all women are interchangable.

I never use DHs name we have been together 14yrs and it just doesn't feel natural to use his name. If we are in a shop say, and he is several yards away rather than call him by his name I will go up to him and say come look at this. I cannot for the life of me figure out why I feel like this its totally inexplicable. I use his name all the time when talking about him to other people though

I would never do that. I’d just say "Hi, come in!"

Tbh I find people who constantly mention my name when I’m talking to them distinctly odd, even irritating.

That's such a leap. I only use DH's name if I'm shouting for him through the house. I wouldn’t be that rude to someone early in a relationship! I never used his name earlier, or anyone else's, because I just find it weird and uncomfortable.

Ancient societies believed a person's name has great power. They'd never use it except in matters of huge significance - or to cast a curse. Maybe you're all throwbacks 😂

So ... When you got married, right? The officiant was looking straight at you both, so would you have preferred them simply to ask "Do you take him as your lawfully wedded husband?"

Most people are talking about long established relationships. I would say in a brand new relationship it’s not as normal and therefore it’s something to be watching out for. Cynical? Maybe. Sadly, it does happen.

The newer the relationship the even less likely I would be to use someone's name. I have to know them for years before I stop finding it really awkward.

Naming you all the time is irritating, yes.

If you say "Hi, Garlic, nice to see you!" I feel like you're pleased to see me, myself, rather than any old random you happened to bump into.

It's a sign of respect, in a way. If you've got a personal nickname for me, that works as well - but not if it's "Hello, mate" or some other meaningless filler.

I have poor facial recognition but, luckily for me, I worked in an industry where everyone's "darling" or "sweetheart" 😂

Yep, throwback to ancient times 😉

The last time my husband said my name to me was on our wedding day nearly 30 years ago.
I joke that he forgot it and as the years have passed it's just too embarrassing to ask again

... are you sure you're joking???? 👀

I could not tell you the last time I heard my DH say my name, unless he’s referring to me in conversation. I’d be worried I’d done something wrong if he did

If I use DH’s name he almost always says “who’s John” … because I use it that rarely he only vaguely recognises that I mean him when I use his name.

We don’t really use nicknames, we just don’t need to address each other directly other than using “you”.

Don't overthink it.
Mine uses my name all the time in texts and person but I never do with him. Perhaps I should. It just feels awkward for me.
OTOH I've told him I love him and I'm still waiting to hear it back.
He demonstrates love all the time though through the way he treats me and looks out for my safety comfort, needs etc.
My point is that there is no right and no normal.

Completely disagree. I can’t imagine anyone sending an informal message saying ‘good morning twisted’ rather than just good morning.

A man I had only recently met doing this would make me cringe tbh. I’d find it really really odd

It’s not weird. It’s actually a recognise psychological thing - it feels strange to some people. It gives me a right jolt if DP ever says mine!

My husband doesn’t use my name often either. I don’t think anything of it.

This is normal

Same here. I rarely use his name either.

I've been married for many years, and I don't get called by my name either. No pet name, nothing. It's a source of great sadness for me.

It makes me feel like a non-person, I hate it.

It's de-personalising.

OP, if he NEVER says your name, or not even a pet/affectionate name etc. I think there will be other areas of the relationship that will show him to be quite cold. Just be aware that's all.

Married 33 years, together 37 here and very rarely use each other’s names! I’m Babe, Love, Hun, Honey, Sweetheart, Darling, Lovely….and so on! He uses my name when referring to me obviously, ‘Sorry we can’t come then, CountryGirl will be at her mum’s’ or whatever. Very occasionally he will call my name if he needs to get my attention and we’re out in public, for example if I’ve gone to get food and he’s gone to save the table in a cafe and then I can’t see him when I’m trying to find where we’re sitting but it always sounds a bit funny to me because I don’t hear him say my name out loud a lot.

To answer the question about the relative age of the relationship, calling me Babe or Love started very early indeed so nothing to do with the fact we’ve been together forever.