Husband has to copy everything I do

[stopcopyingmeplease]

Husband has annoying behaviour. He's quite competitive and if I happen to say I'm going to do something he has to tell me all about the time he did the exact same thing.

For example, if I sit down at the piano and have a bit of a tinkle, he'll get his guitar out and start to play stuff. We're both very poor at playing, it's not a serious endeavour.

I wanted to relax, so I set up some acrylic paints and painted a small picture. It's not very good, but it was relaxing to do and I was proud of it in my own way. He then brings one of his past paintings down and starts telling me all about it 🙄

All I want to do is have a go at a couple of hobbies and yet there he is, trying to compete with me. It's stupid and pointless. I feel like it's not worth doing stuff as I have to tolerate his tedious thoughts about whatever it is. He's also quite bossy and will try to tell me what to do and how to do it. I'm nearly 60.

He also copies me if I have a cold, headache, am tired, have a sore leg etc. I don't tell him things, but sometimes something might be revealed then he's on it. He's also a massive martyr and gets butthurt and huffy over things. It's exhausting.

What does he say when you’ve brought this up with him? It sounds insufferable tbh.

He sounds annoying and utterly unattractive with his behaviour.

Are you staying married to him and just venting?

More needed, such as his tone, attitude etc, because he may just be trying to connect with you?

He sounds like an annoying little brother that won't let you have your own nice things.

Have you tried knitting, crochet or cross stitch as most* men give those a wide berth.

(Yes, I said most, I know men who do these hobbies but they are a minority).

Weird behaviour. Although you could use it to your advantage if he also copies you when you vacuum or clean a bathroom…

I have asked him why he does it and he gets all huffy and says he's just doing it because it's a shared experience and this is how he connects. Part of me feels sorry for him and another part absolutely loathes him.

I'm not splitting up, I'm getting older and I'm not in great health. I try to tune him out when he shows me his electronic projects. I'm not a competitive person, I just want to relax. Ds2 has noticed he does it (he does it with him too) and sometimes we commiserate with each other.

The ridiculous thing is, I put off painting for so long because I knew he'd do this.

JEALOUS

Huffy and butthurt, like a junior school child.

Take up a 'new hobby' you know he doesn't like or won't like. See if he'll go that far.

Oh no, he never copies anything like that funnily enough. If I go to the car wash, he'll hand wash his own car though. I need to know why he's doing it.

Buy some stickers.. Reward his achievements..
He's a knob.
And a child.

Omg yes, I do crochet and cross stitch and he leaves me alone!

@Bunnybackinherwarren

Great idea! What about getting him a sticker chart?

Also, I love your username 🐇🐇

Sticker chart 😂 that's a good idea. I'm honestly searching for positive things to say when he shows me a picture I've seen 180 times before during the 27 years we've been together 🤦🏼‍♀️ I need a thesaurus.

Butthurt? Are you a 12 year old American? Not a word I’ve ever heard a grown adult use.

it all sounds a bit of a weird dynamic. You have a piano to “tinkle” on and an electric guitar even though neither of you really play? And painting sets and he has paintings hanging around? Is he an artist?

if you want to paint or play music as a hobby why not join a class or get lessons? Get more out of it and he can’t compete there.

Dh and I both like sport. He does get competitive though so we do it separately. I go to my classes and he plays with his friends.

Butthurt is a good word, it sums up his attitude.

Have you thought to try bellydancing? There are loads of tutorial videos on YouTube. At least if he joins in, it will give you a good laugh!

I'd be happy if someone joined me with their instrument when I was playing, that would be fun. I'd also be happy for them to share an interest in painting. Do you do any activities with him willingly or do you prefer to be solitary?

Tell him you passed out for a bit. Maybe he’ll go “into” a coma and you can have a couple of days peace.

The sticker chart is great 😁

If it's his way of connecting, what about starting a brand new hobby together? Would he leave you alone the rest of the time if you had something to share that was new to both of you?

He's not doing it because he's joining in though. He's doing it because it's to show me he can do things too.

You think that, but when you ask him he says its for connection. I thought exactly that when I read your OP. Do you do any activities with him willingly?

I don't really like him, I definitely don't want to start a new hobby together. That would make it into even more of a competition. I try to cope with him rather than have a relationship with him.

it sounds like you’d be better off separated tbf. Get yourself a small flat where you can live peacefully and do your hobbies with people you like spending time with.

I don't know for definite if it's for connection, it seems like it's more for competition. If I say I'm tired, he's more tired if you see what I mean.