Husband has to copy everything I do

[stopcopyingmeplease]

Husband has annoying behaviour. He's quite competitive and if I happen to say I'm going to do something he has to tell me all about the time he did the exact same thing.

For example, if I sit down at the piano and have a bit of a tinkle, he'll get his guitar out and start to play stuff. We're both very poor at playing, it's not a serious endeavour.

I wanted to relax, so I set up some acrylic paints and painted a small picture. It's not very good, but it was relaxing to do and I was proud of it in my own way. He then brings one of his past paintings down and starts telling me all about it 🙄

All I want to do is have a go at a couple of hobbies and yet there he is, trying to compete with me. It's stupid and pointless. I feel like it's not worth doing stuff as I have to tolerate his tedious thoughts about whatever it is. He's also quite bossy and will try to tell me what to do and how to do it. I'm nearly 60.

He also copies me if I have a cold, headache, am tired, have a sore leg etc. I don't tell him things, but sometimes something might be revealed then he's on it. He's also a massive martyr and gets butthurt and huffy over things. It's exhausting.

I have an ex who was the same with any ailments I had - he just had to have the same thing.

This one day I had a headache. Went and got some paracetamol, came through, handed them to him. He asked what those were for. So I told him "They're for your headache."
He pulled a face and told me he doesn't have a headache.
So I said "Oh, good. I do," and proceeded to enjoy being able to have a headache on my own.

You say you’re autistic? Could he have ADHD by any chance? I know ND couples often attract often unintentionally. Some ADHDers find the way they relate to others is by sharing their version of the same or similar scenario.

I dont mean reassure him..
I mean take the piss.

Because I can't afford to rent anywhere reasonable. It's not fair to keep the cats shut inside either. They need a garden.

I think the OPs husband could be getting an unfair deal here. We only have OPs version of this and she quite clearly doesn’t like the man. I can imagine him doing this stuff in a desperate attempt to connect and form a relationship because he’s had years of being rejected and pushed away. OP interprets his behaviour as one-up-manship but it may not be.
And I think posters suggesting they should take the piss out of him are cruel. I bet they wouldn’t suggest a sticker chart or rounds of applause and humiliation if it were a wife behaving like this and the husband posting on here.

OP, you’re clearly unhappy and it’s not fair on your husband to stay with him when you really clearly despise him. Even if your assessment of him is correct, it doesn’t make him a bad person deserving of being stuck in a horrible relationship. You’re just not compatible. Set him free and then paintball you want.

God your poor kids. Do they ever visit? Hopefully none of them live with you both?

🤭 this made me laugh.

He's retired, I do some flexible work. It's not so much the time spent together, it's the fact he has to interfere all the time. He used to go to the village hall art group but he said it made him stressed as he found it too pressurised. The truth is that the other members were probably better than him and he couldn't hack it. He has a weak ego I think.

My poor kids? They're adults 😄 They're fine when they visit. I keep everything nicely hidden with my patience skills.

It's not fair to pretend to be in a relationship with someone you clearly despise.

You don’t like your husband.
You don’t like anything about him.

Unless your adult children have their heads up their arses, they will be acutely aware that there parents marriage is a shit show

He doesn't want a divorce. I tried going down that road years ago and gave up. Can't afford it now and don't have the energy. If he can't connect in healthier ways that's not my responsibility.

So this “marriage” has been limping along for years?

Am I supposed to get excited about circuit boards???!!! I don't think so!

Yes this.

i suspect he knows she can’t stand him and it’s a desperate, albeit poor attempt to connect/find something in common.

i mean the contempt is clear through the screen so I can’t imagine he doesn’t realise.

move on o/p, so you can both be happy. You work, do you own your house, having savings? Can you buy him out?

sell the piano and use it for a deposit/first few months rent?

you can afford a piano which screams middle class so surely you have some resources?

He's always been like this. It's just hard remaining patient after so long.

Having read most of the thread and this recent comment it’s increasingly unclear what you’re seeking, OP. Your very much not D husband copies and annoys you. You don’t like him copying you. He won’t stop. You won’t divorce him. He won’t divorce you. You don’t like him. He doesn’t like you. What, exactly, do you want and what are you prepared to do about it?

He's not the problem. Most couples happily share hobbies. It sounds like he's put up with your cruel rejections for years, and yet is still trying to connect with you. Poor man. He deserves better.

😂

Oh dear

Agree with this and the quote within the post.

Divorce papers see if he copys that.
Then go live in peace.

You don’t want the connection though, so ANY way he tries won’t be the right way. And you can’t connect healthily in a relationship where connection isn’t wanted.

You can divorce without his agreement. And you can find a way if you really wanted to. You keep referring to affordability issues but there is always a way if it’s really wanted.

And whilst getting excited about electrical circuits in themselves I’d not something I could do, I could enjoy the fact that someone I love was excited about something because…. I actually love them and care about their enjoyment. You don’t love your husband. It’s a really sad situation and I do feel for your children. You’re kidding yourself if you think they don’t know.

Op you're coming across as the unkind one here. You are blatantly using him for a home, garden and cats. I'd be gutted if someone treated my son like this. I know you're older but he's still someone's son. The way you talk about him is disgusting.

Maybe don’t be so patient. If he’s annoying you by being competitive then tell him so.