Continuing an AIBU …

[PithyBeaker]

Just continuing a thread I started a few days ago in AIBU for support as I figure out next steps ending my cohabitation.

Hmm. I worry that you are subconsciously facilitating contact with him. Be careful.

Wholeheartedly agree with this. The man with the van option makes it fit with your timeline, not his (he could drag this out for months), avoids him being in your home and allows you to block his noise asap.

Now think you should confirm it’s best if his DC don’t come on Friday. They (via him) or he will use it for negative purposes and your son should be protected from this.

Well I think it's good that you've taken control of the situation rather than allowing him to come to your home!
Well done!

OP, you need to work on your boundaries.

You set a single day he can come and collect everything or you set a single day a man with a van collects.

And that's that.

In the meantime you stop receiving and reacting to his messages by blocking him and ignoring him.

Why on earth are you facilitating this man after everything he's said to you?

You don’t have to explain yourself or defend your actions to anyone on here (or at all). You’re probably still in shock. You clearly didn’t think he was the kind of the person he’s shown himself to be in the last 48 hours and it takes time to get your head round that. He still looks like the man you loved etc. If you want to hold the door while he removes himself from life, that’s totally your call.

Has she? She's obviously reading his messages and responding to them instead of grey rocking him, and she sounds more like she's at his beck and call than being in control of anything!

I think this is a good approach. It's then on your terms and he has to stick it rather than trying to get you to dance to his tune.

The sooner he's out, the sooner you can perma block. I think other posters miss this point.

Ending a long relationship when you've been very much in love is difficult.

The OP doesn't have to justify her emotional reactions to everyone on this thread.

Exactly. And there is no perfect/right way to do anything, including this. You just get through it as best you can.

Agreed. And remember, he is now out of her house. OP has her space back. Big win. I've not always handled everything impeccably when relationships have gone sour so I'm not going to pick holes. I think that for two days after the 'you need to move out' talk, things are not bad at all.

InconsequentialFerret,
This is not your life and not your decision. If and when you end up going through something like this (and I hope you never have to), you can do it however suits you best. Walk in your own shoes for a bit longer before you start judging someone else's path.

Lots of pressure. I’m not budging. There are still some big items of furniture, and books.

I am being careful. I told him not to bring kids to birthday party. He said he won’t.

This felt very mean and was hard to say. Kids like birthday parties and it will be a double blow: you’ve been moved out and no bday party. But I’m worried it will ruin the day for everyone and told him he should take them to do smthn fun they want to do w him instead.

They are not coming. But also I’m not paying for a van. He will book one asap, he won’t want to be without the kids beds and his TV.

You are holding fast OP, despite the laundry list of nonsense he's doing.

Because I see no need to make this super aggro and confrontational. I am negotiating this path, the personality intricacies of which I know best, as well as I can. I am grateful for the guidance but do not require critique of things I have already done. Waste of energy to have to justify it frankly.

Sorry, not clear. Holding fast to him? Or to my guns? Bc it’s the latter.

Yep, I’ve told him pick a day before Friday that isn’t Wednesday when I’m in office.

Thank you. This ☝️ is the approach I’ll be taking.

Love you @GreenhampsterAndEggs 🫶

Oh off you fuck, as if I need this right now. Byeeeee

@TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne love you too 🫶

Yes, do bugger off @InconsequentialFerret because you're being remarkably unhelpful.

Good call re the birthday.
It would be too tempting for him to weaponise it and you definitely do not want that association for your son.
This man and his children will fade hopefully in time in memory, a drama filled birthday will lock in forever.

Birthdays are like that.
You are doing great.
One day at a time.