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Original poster

Continuing an AIBU …

961 replies

PithyBeaker · 10/04/2026 19:22

Just continuing a thread I started a few days ago in AIBU for support as I figure out next steps ending my cohabitation.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
ExitPursuedByABare · 12/04/2026 18:59

Hmm. I worry that you are subconsciously facilitating contact with him. Be careful.

MeridianB · 12/04/2026 19:02

YourWildAmberSloth · 12/04/2026 13:37

I know you didn't want to do this, but you will need to block him. The relationship is over, you need to cut off his access to you. Set a firm day/time for him to collect his stuff - maybe a week from now which gives him time to make arrangements. To be honest, in your shoes I would organise the removal myself - book a man with a van and tell him when they will be arriving. Then block him and stop communicating with him. You are not going to agree on who's right/who's wrong, and by keeping the lines of communication open, he has the means of getting to you. Don't tell him anything else about what you are doing where you are going - you are still treating him like a partner when you do that. Every time he messages and you respond, he thinks there's a chance. I know its hard, but from everything you have posted you have two choices. Either end the relationship or stay with him and continue as you are. You know that he isn't going to change. The kindest thing for everyone concerned, including him, the children and yourself is to end it and cut contact.

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Wholeheartedly agree with this. The man with the van option makes it fit with your timeline, not his (he could drag this out for months), avoids him being in your home and allows you to block his noise asap.

Now think you should confirm it’s best if his DC don’t come on Friday. They (via him) or he will use it for negative purposes and your son should be protected from this.

BMW6 · 12/04/2026 19:05

PithyBeaker · 12/04/2026 18:55

Because he wanted to come round to get his stuff and I didn’t want him to and it was easier to do it myself.

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Well I think it's good that you've taken control of the situation rather than allowing him to come to your home!
Well done!

InconsequentialFerret · 12/04/2026 19:07

PithyBeaker · 12/04/2026 18:55

Because he wanted to come round to get his stuff and I didn’t want him to and it was easier to do it myself.

Show quote history

OP, you need to work on your boundaries.

You set a single day he can come and collect everything or you set a single day a man with a van collects.

And that's that.

In the meantime you stop receiving and reacting to his messages by blocking him and ignoring him.

Why on earth are you facilitating this man after everything he's said to you?

inickedthisname · 12/04/2026 19:08

PithyBeaker · 12/04/2026 18:55

Because he wanted to come round to get his stuff and I didn’t want him to and it was easier to do it myself.

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You don’t have to explain yourself or defend your actions to anyone on here (or at all). You’re probably still in shock. You clearly didn’t think he was the kind of the person he’s shown himself to be in the last 48 hours and it takes time to get your head round that. He still looks like the man you loved etc. If you want to hold the door while he removes himself from life, that’s totally your call.

InconsequentialFerret · 12/04/2026 19:09

BMW6 · 12/04/2026 19:05

Well I think it's good that you've taken control of the situation rather than allowing him to come to your home!
Well done!

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Has she? She's obviously reading his messages and responding to them instead of grey rocking him, and she sounds more like she's at his beck and call than being in control of anything!

RedToothBrush · 12/04/2026 19:10

PithyBeaker · 12/04/2026 18:55

Because he wanted to come round to get his stuff and I didn’t want him to and it was easier to do it myself.

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I think this is a good approach. It's then on your terms and he has to stick it rather than trying to get you to dance to his tune.

The sooner he's out, the sooner you can perma block. I think other posters miss this point.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 12/04/2026 19:16

InconsequentialFerret · 12/04/2026 19:09

Has she? She's obviously reading his messages and responding to them instead of grey rocking him, and she sounds more like she's at his beck and call than being in control of anything!

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Ending a long relationship when you've been very much in love is difficult.

The OP doesn't have to justify her emotional reactions to everyone on this thread.

Beachtastic · 12/04/2026 19:21

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 12/04/2026 19:16

Ending a long relationship when you've been very much in love is difficult.

The OP doesn't have to justify her emotional reactions to everyone on this thread.

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Exactly. And there is no perfect/right way to do anything, including this. You just get through it as best you can.

WinterSunglasses · 12/04/2026 19:21

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 12/04/2026 19:16

Ending a long relationship when you've been very much in love is difficult.

The OP doesn't have to justify her emotional reactions to everyone on this thread.

Show quote history

Agreed. And remember, he is now out of her house. OP has her space back. Big win. I've not always handled everything impeccably when relationships have gone sour so I'm not going to pick holes. I think that for two days after the 'you need to move out' talk, things are not bad at all.

GreenhampsterAndEggs · 12/04/2026 19:23

InconsequentialFerret,
This is not your life and not your decision. If and when you end up going through something like this (and I hope you never have to), you can do it however suits you best. Walk in your own shoes for a bit longer before you start judging someone else's path.

Original poster
PithyBeaker · 12/04/2026 19:34

amibeingaknob · 12/04/2026 18:58

Did he just accept it and crack on with moving things - or did he use it as an opportunity to pressure you?

Has he got much more to take? Did he take a lot tonight?

Lots of pressure. I’m not budging. There are still some big items of furniture, and books.

OP posts:
Original poster
PithyBeaker · 12/04/2026 19:35

ExitPursuedByABare · 12/04/2026 18:59

Hmm. I worry that you are subconsciously facilitating contact with him. Be careful.

I am being careful. I told him not to bring kids to birthday party. He said he won’t.

OP posts:
Original poster
PithyBeaker · 12/04/2026 19:36

PithyBeaker · 12/04/2026 19:35

I am being careful. I told him not to bring kids to birthday party. He said he won’t.

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This felt very mean and was hard to say. Kids like birthday parties and it will be a double blow: you’ve been moved out and no bday party. But I’m worried it will ruin the day for everyone and told him he should take them to do smthn fun they want to do w him instead.

OP posts:
Original poster
PithyBeaker · 12/04/2026 19:37

MeridianB · 12/04/2026 19:02

Wholeheartedly agree with this. The man with the van option makes it fit with your timeline, not his (he could drag this out for months), avoids him being in your home and allows you to block his noise asap.

Now think you should confirm it’s best if his DC don’t come on Friday. They (via him) or he will use it for negative purposes and your son should be protected from this.

Show quote history

They are not coming. But also I’m not paying for a van. He will book one asap, he won’t want to be without the kids beds and his TV.

OP posts:
PotatoLove · 12/04/2026 19:38

You are holding fast OP, despite the laundry list of nonsense he's doing.

Original poster
PithyBeaker · 12/04/2026 19:39

InconsequentialFerret · 12/04/2026 19:07

OP, you need to work on your boundaries.

You set a single day he can come and collect everything or you set a single day a man with a van collects.

And that's that.

In the meantime you stop receiving and reacting to his messages by blocking him and ignoring him.

Why on earth are you facilitating this man after everything he's said to you?

Show quote history

Because I see no need to make this super aggro and confrontational. I am negotiating this path, the personality intricacies of which I know best, as well as I can. I am grateful for the guidance but do not require critique of things I have already done. Waste of energy to have to justify it frankly.

OP posts:
Original poster
PithyBeaker · 12/04/2026 19:41

PotatoLove · 12/04/2026 19:38

You are holding fast OP, despite the laundry list of nonsense he's doing.

Sorry, not clear. Holding fast to him? Or to my guns? Bc it’s the latter.

OP posts:
Original poster
PithyBeaker · 12/04/2026 19:41

InconsequentialFerret · 12/04/2026 19:07

OP, you need to work on your boundaries.

You set a single day he can come and collect everything or you set a single day a man with a van collects.

And that's that.

In the meantime you stop receiving and reacting to his messages by blocking him and ignoring him.

Why on earth are you facilitating this man after everything he's said to you?

Show quote history

Yep, I’ve told him pick a day before Friday that isn’t Wednesday when I’m in office.

OP posts:
Original poster
PithyBeaker · 12/04/2026 19:42

inickedthisname · 12/04/2026 19:08

You don’t have to explain yourself or defend your actions to anyone on here (or at all). You’re probably still in shock. You clearly didn’t think he was the kind of the person he’s shown himself to be in the last 48 hours and it takes time to get your head round that. He still looks like the man you loved etc. If you want to hold the door while he removes himself from life, that’s totally your call.

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Thank you. This ☝️ is the approach I’ll be taking.

OP posts:
Original poster
PithyBeaker · 12/04/2026 19:43

GreenhampsterAndEggs · 12/04/2026 19:23

InconsequentialFerret,
This is not your life and not your decision. If and when you end up going through something like this (and I hope you never have to), you can do it however suits you best. Walk in your own shoes for a bit longer before you start judging someone else's path.

Love you @GreenhampsterAndEggs 🫶

OP posts:
Original poster
PithyBeaker · 12/04/2026 19:44

InconsequentialFerret · 12/04/2026 19:09

Has she? She's obviously reading his messages and responding to them instead of grey rocking him, and she sounds more like she's at his beck and call than being in control of anything!

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Oh off you fuck, as if I need this right now. Byeeeee

OP posts:
Original poster
PithyBeaker · 12/04/2026 19:45

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 12/04/2026 19:16

Ending a long relationship when you've been very much in love is difficult.

The OP doesn't have to justify her emotional reactions to everyone on this thread.

Show quote history

@TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne love you too 🫶

OP posts:
TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 12/04/2026 19:45

Yes, do bugger off @InconsequentialFerret because you're being remarkably unhelpful.

Liveshives · 12/04/2026 19:45

Good call re the birthday.
It would be too tempting for him to weaponise it and you definitely do not want that association for your son.
This man and his children will fade hopefully in time in memory, a drama filled birthday will lock in forever.

Birthdays are like that.
You are doing great.
One day at a time.