Oh OP 💐
I have been with men like this. I was married to one for a couple of decades. Then I got involved with another for a few years, and then another. Eventually I realised that wolves kept dressing very convincingly in sheep's clothing and that whatever it was I needed to learn, I was spectacularly failing to learn. So I took myself off into the wilderness and lived alone for many years, in complete isolation. I became very happy, and never wanted another man in my life to throw a spanner in the works.
And yet, life has a way of surprising us. Here I am, happily married. To someone I don't have to worry about boundaries with, because he looks out for me better than I do for myself. I never need to ask him for help, because he anticipates what I might need from one moment to the next. He does all the cooking and DIY. He is constantly finding interesting, fun things for us to do together - walks, cycle rides, films to watch, places to go. He makes me laugh all the time. He has never so much as raised his voice or shown any irritation towards me. It took me years to get used to this. For the first few years together, I used to ask him why he never got angry with me. He would say "What would I get angry with YOU about? You're the most amazing woman in the world."
I met him in my 50s, by the way, and he is many years younger than me. So your ex is not the only one "young enough to find someone else who ticks all the boxes" (the cheeky fucker!!!) 🫣🤣
I know you feel you're in love with someone who was "good" at some point, but everything you have written about him demonstrates beyond any doubt that this is NOT a good man. (Calling you a cunt?!? All the cruel, manipulative things he has said to you over the past 24 hours?!?? WTAF...)
Ohhh, I remember those romantic feelings of anguish and relief as the old volatile relationships swung this way and that, with me gripping on for dear life. That's not love, as I eventually found out. Real love is worth the wait (and if you're anything like me, it might actually shock you to realise it's something you've never actually experienced before; you just misinterpreted a familiar feeling of struggling to meet someone else's needs, and being occasionally rewarded).
Please remember that you are not in your right mind at the moment. Being in a relationship with someone like him completely distorts the way you see things, placing HIM at the centre of your world, so that anything leaning only fractionally away from that feels as though it shatters the gravitational harmony of the entire galaxy.
Congratulations on taking your first careful, hesitant but firm steps towards a better life. It will take a while for you to understand just how wonderful you're being right now, because some things will only become clear to you in retrospect. But one day, you will look back on all this and be profoundly grateful to yourself for doing this now. 🌞🌞🌞🌞🌞
For now, please understand that your mind will be playing tricks on you. You are clearly one clever cookie, so just being aware of this should help you to outsmart it. Some of those tricks are siren calls that feel irresistible, e.g. "Oh, but it was so lovely once!" No, believe me, it really wasn't.