Ex’s routine is disrupting our child’s sleep

[swanlake02]

Am I being unreasonable here?

My ex and I split childcare and take turns having our DC overnight. We’re still living in the same house while it’s being sold, but in separate bedrooms.

The issue is on the nights DC is with their dad, he sticks to his routine of getting up early to go to the gym (around 4 times a week).

When he does this, he brings DC in with me before he leaves. The problem is it’s really starting to mess with their sleep. They wake when they’re moved, and then that’s it, they’re up way too early and absolutely exhausted for the rest of the day.

Today DC was moaning for over an hour and a half for their dad until he got back.

I don’t want to be difficult, and I get that he has his routine, but I’m starting to feel like if he wants to be up and out that early, then maybe DC shouldn’t be staying with him on those nights?

Am I being unreasonable for wanting to put my foot down on this, or is that fair enough?

I'd either leave DC to sleep alone in exh's bed or move into exh's bed for a couple of hours myself (I assume you're still on good enough terms for this as you're still living together?)

If exh isn't comfortable with either of these solutions then he alters his gym routine.

Or put a double bed in DC's room. When he wakes, one of you goes to sleep in his hed with him. Then he gets used to waking up in his own bed and your ex can get up and go to the gym without any drama

Or the man could just do his share, as he wants 50/50. It's just another case of 'I want 50/50 but...'

Have you ever divorced anybody?
When my little ones used to come home from my exes house, I used to wash all of their clothes straight away because the physical smell of my ex on their clothes used to make me want to vomit
I would not get in to a bed that he had slept in sweated in probably wanked in for all the money in the world

She didn’t. She just said they co sleep. Child starts I his own bed then becomes unsettled. Dad wakes when he gets up for the gym.

But the whole reason for your thread is that it is not working! I would say your ex is being unreasonable that he expects to carry on like he has no responsibility when its his turn and that you should not be expected to fill in. That wont work in the long term when you do move out so he shouldn't be doing it now. But that is an issue between the two of you. I think the real issue here is the impact on DC. They are being moved mid sleep which is having a physical impact on them and this is ridiculous and quite frankly in my opinion harmful. If you ex wont change routine your only options are either having DC in with you full time for sleeping OR they have their own dedicated sleeping area. Co sleeping in the manner you are doing it isnt working for DC who is being prevented from getting enough sleep and in the face of your ex not doing the right thing you may need to solve the issue in other ways

Why can’t he just leave the child asleep in his bed when he gets up, rather than bringing the child to you? I get Co-sleeping, I Co-slept with my eldest until she was 5, but if I wanted to get up earlier than her I just left her sleeping, and if i was quiet enough, she carried on sleeping oblivious.

It's not an ex problem. It's a sleeping arrangement problem with your child. At 3 years old they should be well used to sleeping on their own in a bedroom of their own. You have both created an unecessary problem with your childs sleeping habits. If you like the arrangement as it is, then do not moan about your ex going to the gym. Or, maybe tell him, when its his turn, to forego the gym. Seems a ridiculous situation perpetrated by yourselves.

He absolutely can’t go to the gym early on ‘his’ days any more is he dumb, how will he cope when he has a different house to you!

Cosleeping isn’t the problem here. It’s the ex wanting to play at being 5050 and probably pursuing it once they move out, whilst expecting the child’s mother to be his back up and help him during his time.
op just say he’s either in my care and in my bed or he’s in yours until he wakes up naturally or our agreed handover time. If he wants to go to the gym that much he can hire a 5am nanny to go and sit in his bedroom with you son

If it was working you wouldn't of posted this !

No I haven't. I was trying to offer a helpful solution. If it doesn't work for the OP then fair enough!

And if the OP and her ex and going in to their son's room to sleep then I really hope the ex would not be wanking with his child next to him in bed!!

Solutions that might work when you’re married don’t work when you’re not, it really is that simple.
You’re not to know I’ve never been through it, but you do now.
and if you think men change the sheets after every wank, you’re delusional
The child doesn’t need to be in the bed, although I’m sure that’s happened as well

Co sleeping is not working for you.currently.
Explain to dad that it is his time with his child so should not be interfering with your sleep. How does dad think this will work when you both move apart? Does dad think he can drop child of at 4am to your place? He needs to open his eyes. If dad will not change his nights to accomodate his child then on dads nights go and stay on a friend's or family members sofa. Dad will have to figure out what he will be doing in the future.

Neither of you seem focused on your own needs, not those of your child. What's with the his night/my night bullshit? You are both in the same house, both parenting. When you are living separately, you can have his night/your night and XH's routine will have to change but for now, can't you drop the 'unfairness' and do what's best for your son?