Ex’s routine is disrupting our child’s sleep

[swanlake02]

Am I being unreasonable here?

My ex and I split childcare and take turns having our DC overnight. We’re still living in the same house while it’s being sold, but in separate bedrooms.

The issue is on the nights DC is with their dad, he sticks to his routine of getting up early to go to the gym (around 4 times a week).

When he does this, he brings DC in with me before he leaves. The problem is it’s really starting to mess with their sleep. They wake when they’re moved, and then that’s it, they’re up way too early and absolutely exhausted for the rest of the day.

Today DC was moaning for over an hour and a half for their dad until he got back.

I don’t want to be difficult, and I get that he has his routine, but I’m starting to feel like if he wants to be up and out that early, then maybe DC shouldn’t be staying with him on those nights?

Am I being unreasonable for wanting to put my foot down on this, or is that fair enough?

So the child is asleep in his bed until at some point he wakes up and goes in with dad? Then a couple of hours later dad is getting up and so wakes child up and brings him in with you? At that point why can child not stay in the bed he has fallen back to sleep in? Is your room miles away from his?

If the co sleeping doesn’t bother you then I would insist that while you’re both living in the house that the child either sleeps with you when he wakes up or your ex doesn’t go to the gym during the child’s sleeping hours any more.

So what has he said when you suggested swapping his gym mornings or child nights?

OK. And how are you going to make him do that?

Or have you started this thread without even asking him?

Can't he just quietly slip out of bed? All of us parents have done it at some stage. He can put a teddy where he was sleeping. The child is 3. You can get a bed guard mesh thing if you want to stop him falling on the floor .

Poor child.
Surely you can have a mature conversation with your child's father?

So you’re not actually Co-sleeping. Cosleeping means that the child sleeps in the parents bed all the time.

He isn't having them overnight if he is sending them to you in the middle of the night.

No problem with co sleeping, but can't ex just get out of the bed and leave the child in it? With the door open so you can hear if they cry?

I have, he doesn’t see a problem with it whereas I do!

I wonder if I am being bit thick! How does your child know whether to go into your room or dad's room when he wakes up?...misses the point if whole thread!

When will your child stop co-sleeping by your cultural norms, and whats the process there to get them used to sleeping in their own bed?
But also cant he just leave them in his own bed and get out and go to the gym? (Or you explain to him that he wont be able to go to the gym on 'his' days as you arr not available for childcare, if you feel like he's not quite getting what the seperation will look like)

What on earth?! This all sounds so messy and confusing for the child. So you take turns looking after your child even though you're all together in the same house?

Anyway, as others have said, co-sleeping isn't really working in this situation so either you have your child in bed with you every night (after dad has finished his evening of looking after them) then their sleep isn't disrupted or your ex just leaves DC in bed when he gets up and goes to the gym.

I’m probably being really thick, but why does he have to wake him? Can he just carry him in to you? I don’t understand why this is necessary in the first place anyway. If one of you plans to get up early then the child just goes to bed with the other one. Or if you never get up early the child can go to bed with you. As you’re not really cosleeping anyway, surely it’s better to enable the child to get themselves back off to sleep in the morning? They will be much less tired if they’re able to sleep straight through.

It all sounds so confusing for the child!

We cosleep. At three, your DC can just be left in bed when your ex leaves. So, problem solved.

Well if he's not willing to change the arrangement, you'll just have to put up with it until you're living separately. You can't force him to change his nights. I don't see why he can't creep out of the room and dress elsewhere and leave the child asleep in his bed?

Yet it doesn't because ex would get up and go to the gym without disturbing your child if you didn't cosleep.

If your child doesn’t wake up when he gets out of bed and only wakes when he moves them, then leave them in his bed and let them wake naturally.

Then you either stop the Co sleeping or put up with it.

Im not anti co sleeping, I did it myself, but this clearly isn’t working any more.

Works for whom? Works for your DC? You’ve made a whole post about how disrupted your DC’s sleep is. So who does co-sleeping work for?

What would happen if on the nights which are your ex's nights, you got up mega early to go to the gym or yoga or whatever? "Sorry hun, this is your night with the kid, I've got plans bye".

My initial thought was why doesn't the dad just slip out of his bed and leave the 3 year old sleeping where he is?

Good point!

As others have said, why can’t you ex just leave your child asleep in his (ex’s) bed when he gets up early?

Do you agree on other aspects of parenting? Have you even discussed how you intend to parent your child going forward? Starting school, managing school holidays, managing the teenage years?
This sounds very dysfunctional.

I agree. The whole set up isn't putting the child's needs first.

So currently he doesn’t seeing as a problem as it doesn’t affect him, could you make it his problem? He has to deal with an unsettled child, or tired child who hasn’t gone back to sleep with you? Do similar on your days? None are fair on the child but might be necessary to get him to understand