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Original poster

Partner says he hates fatherhood and I think this is the end

79 replies

FlutterByeBye1 · 06/04/2026 20:30

Partner and I have been together almost 10 years, we have 2 DC together, 4 & 10 months. They are a lot of work, as all small children are. DP is constantly saying he hates being a dad, even in front of DC, constantly moody and stroppy, snapping at our 4yo. Today was the last straw. This week our youngest has been in hospital for 5 days, I stayed with the baby, eldest stopped with grandparents, all came home in time for Easter Sunday, today DP told me everything was fine until we all came home. I know this is now the end of our relationship, I feel like I am constantly treading on eggshells and I don’t want that for our DC. Not sure why I’m posting, maybe for solidarity and practical steps moving forward. Feeling like this is really the end.

OP posts:
thestudio · 07/04/2026 08:50

Please make sure you tell his parents why you are splitting and what he has said to h to the children (as that’s what he did).

at least his self regard will be punctured by that

TomatoSandwiches · 07/04/2026 08:55

If possible I would try to get some recording of him saying he hates being a father, although I don't know how you stop yourself giving him a slap in the mouth when he does, your poor 4yr old.

Classiclines · 07/04/2026 09:19

Heatedrival · 06/04/2026 23:14

OP he sounds awful. I’m sorry you’re going through this but leaving him is absolutely the right decision. His negativity will impact the children. Let’s hope he just evaporates.

His negativity will impact the children.

Oh I totally agree with this.
One of my father's often repeated mantras was " Never be a Dad" , along with other horrible expressions when referring to us children such as " Why keep dogs and bark yourself?" And I totally grew up feeling guilty for existing at all.

Definitely, for the good of your DC , leave this selfish, self centered man OP. And yes, tell his parents why.

TonyMammoth · 07/04/2026 09:22

Lennonjingles · 07/04/2026 08:37

Unfortunately, some men never grow up to be good, caring, loving parents. Your partner has shown he doesn’t care by not bothering to visit while your DC was in hospital, I am sorry that it’s taken this for you to actually see, but he’s shown his true colours.

This was our dad. At weekends and Bank holidays he did zero with us and all he seemed to say was "for Christ's sake Liz shut these bloody kids up and let us have some peace". My mother regrets not leaving him as she's stuck with a miserable old bastard and we don't give a fig about him. Rubbish provider too.

InNewYorkNoShoes · 07/04/2026 09:26

My ex was like this. I left him. He hasn’t seen out children for so long but it doesn’t matter. They are grown up now. They are the most beautiful people. They are happy and wonderful, they don’t miss what they never had anyway.
Your life will be a little tougher for a short while (sorry, just being honest) but only while you get everything sorted out. Then it will be better, like a weight lifted off you.
❤️

Whereistheweevilexactly · 07/04/2026 09:51

FlutterByeBye1 · 06/04/2026 21:02

Thank you all for validating how I’ve felt. I know it’s not right. @Sicario you are spot on, I tried to leave once before, he told me to go ahead if I wanted to break up out family, I realise now that’s a far better option than seeing them grow up with a father who openly resents them.
It was a mistake not getting married before children as he earns far more than me but I have a respectable wage, enough for a little home for the three of us. I just feel numb and surprised it’s come to this, he was always my rock until the last few years.

I’m so very sorry op. So this has only happened in the last few years? He was a good father before that? Was it the second child that prompted this behaviour? Is he depressed or totally selfish?

If the latter, then what an immature, selfish, idiotic, wimp of a man. Why on earth did he agree to have two dc if this is his response to them?

Have you had a conversation with him and told him that you are so very disappointed in him and how he is damaging his children emotionally by making them feel unwanted? If so, what was his response?

It makes you wonder doesn’t it about his upbringing? His parents sound good helping out. So why is he like he is? Did they over-indulge him?

Make sure that you get a shit hot lawyer op who extracts in money what your soon to be ex is unable to offer in person.

DalmationalAnthem · 07/04/2026 09:57

Whereistheweevilexactly · 07/04/2026 09:51

I’m so very sorry op. So this has only happened in the last few years? He was a good father before that? Was it the second child that prompted this behaviour? Is he depressed or totally selfish?

If the latter, then what an immature, selfish, idiotic, wimp of a man. Why on earth did he agree to have two dc if this is his response to them?

Have you had a conversation with him and told him that you are so very disappointed in him and how he is damaging his children emotionally by making them feel unwanted? If so, what was his response?

It makes you wonder doesn’t it about his upbringing? His parents sound good helping out. So why is he like he is? Did they over-indulge him?

Make sure that you get a shit hot lawyer op who extracts in money what your soon to be ex is unable to offer in person.

Show quote history

OP doesn't need to think about any of those questions, or pay a lawyer as they're not married and don't own any property together.
She needs to plan her future, free of the deadbeat and a life of joy. 🌼

BooneyBeautiful · 07/04/2026 12:50

FlutterByeBye1 · 06/04/2026 21:54

To answer a few questions:
The house is owned solely by DP, he bought before we met and I moved in, although I have a considerable savings pot now which we intended to use for a deposit toward our “forever home”.
Eldest stayed with GP so P could theoretically be with us in hospital as much as possible as the baby was really quite poorly, I doubt his parents knew he wasn’t actually there with us.
I think I would actually prefer him to go NC with our DC, I wouldn’t have to worry about what toll he would be taking on their wellbeing then.
I think first steps, find us a new home, likely nearer to my parents so new school application for my eldest , new nursery place for my youngest. Lay the groundwork before starting fresh.

Edited

You sound really positive about making a new start with your children. You should be very proud of yourself. It will be such a relief not to have to keep walking on eggshells. It must be a huge relief now the decision has been made. I wish you every happiness for the future.

BaronessBomburst · 07/04/2026 13:40

Was he working or with another woman?

Acornsoup · 07/04/2026 14:48

It will be easier without him OP

jellyfish798 · 07/04/2026 14:57

FlutterByeBye1 · 06/04/2026 20:30

Partner and I have been together almost 10 years, we have 2 DC together, 4 & 10 months. They are a lot of work, as all small children are. DP is constantly saying he hates being a dad, even in front of DC, constantly moody and stroppy, snapping at our 4yo. Today was the last straw. This week our youngest has been in hospital for 5 days, I stayed with the baby, eldest stopped with grandparents, all came home in time for Easter Sunday, today DP told me everything was fine until we all came home. I know this is now the end of our relationship, I feel like I am constantly treading on eggshells and I don’t want that for our DC. Not sure why I’m posting, maybe for solidarity and practical steps moving forward. Feeling like this is really the end.

It is the end of the relationship OP, but the start of a positive new beginning for you and your little ones.
My dad openly resented me all my life until I was an adult and I think the timing was because he knew I wasn't his responsibility anymore, having always seen fatherhood as a burden, so he found it easier to be civil, but has still never liked me.
I have often wished my mum had left him when I was younger. You're doing the right thing ❤️

This will be a wonderful fresh start creating a positive home environment for you and the little ones, you'll genuinely feel a weight has lifted.
No worrying about his moods, just a happy home life ❤️ I wish you and family all the luck in the world xx

Lottapianos · 07/04/2026 14:58

My gosh, you must be so hurt and so disappointed. He's a disgrace, and I think your life will be so much more peaceful and straightforward without him hanging around being a useless grumpy git all the time

Very best of luck to you. You and the kids deserve so much better than this

Seelybe · 07/04/2026 15:27

@FlutterByeBye1 if it makes you feel any better, I think a lot of men are like this. Very happy when just with their partner and happy in principle to have children, but the reality is too much interference with their selfish preferences.
A huge % of relationships break down after children, but all kudos to you for being in a position to go it alone. Make sure he pays his dues for the children he doesn't deserve to have. Good luck to you.

cupfinalchaos · 07/04/2026 15:39

I was exactly where you are op, and my only regret is that I took so long to leave. I was walking on eggshells trying to endear his little children to him. In my case turned out he was having a long term affair which caused him to lose interest in family life. I divorced when my kids were 3 and 6. Had I waited any longer I would have caused them long term damage. Please don’t wait.

Mine are adults now with a fantastic step dad. My dd is in therapy because her dad has never done one single thing for her, but she’s ok and has a great life.

One thing I can tell you.. you will never, ever regret leaving and by leaving you will actually be giving your kids a chance.

MajorProcrastination · 07/04/2026 15:44

If his reaction when a child is poorly in hospital isn't to be grateful and welcoming when everyone's safe and well and back together he deserves to be cut out of your family unit. He's a taker not a giver. Your children (and you!) need love and nurturing and joy and peace and fun. He sounds like a loser. Your children will be better off with a lovely mum and grandparents than a selfish childish miserable father.

Yes, parenting can be challenging but it doesn't sound like your fella's gone "this is tough but worth it", it sounds like he's stuck at the tough bit and if he can't see the rest, that's his problem. Ew.

BoogieTownTop · 07/04/2026 16:01

Honestly once you’ve split, you’ll be much happier without those egg shells

Laurmolonlabe · 07/04/2026 16:09

That's awful, but if he has said this for some time why on earth did you have another baby with him?

Sicario · 10/04/2026 15:22

How are you doing @FlutterByeBye1 ?

Original poster
FlutterByeBye1 · 10/04/2026 17:59

Sicario · 10/04/2026 15:22

How are you doing @FlutterByeBye1 ?

Sorry, didn’t mean to post and disappear it’s just been a terrible week. Baby was discharged and then re-admitted a day later, she’s not too well at all bless her.
I’m still quietly planning to leave, just feel so exhausted at the minute that my head is all over the place. Think for now just focus on getting her better and home and then start on the practical side of things. Thank you for checking in x

OP posts:
SoulFood · 10/04/2026 18:13

FlutterByeBye1 · 06/04/2026 21:02

Thank you all for validating how I’ve felt. I know it’s not right. @Sicario you are spot on, I tried to leave once before, he told me to go ahead if I wanted to break up out family, I realise now that’s a far better option than seeing them grow up with a father who openly resents them.
It was a mistake not getting married before children as he earns far more than me but I have a respectable wage, enough for a little home for the three of us. I just feel numb and surprised it’s come to this, he was always my rock until the last few years.

What a piece of work. Honesty? I was a single parent of kids same age. Much easier without a fucking manchild around. Kids had a lovely childhood.

Good Luck xx

Sicario · 10/04/2026 18:17

Your poor girl. Hope she is on the mend soon.

Terfymcnamechange · 10/04/2026 18:23

Can you move in with your parents and apply for your child's school place from there?

Melarus · 10/04/2026 22:13

Really hope your baby is better soon 💕

Sleepeazie · 10/04/2026 22:34

@FlutterByeBye1 j hope your baby girl is on the mend 🌺

SpryCat · 10/04/2026 23:22

I hope your baby girl gets better soon @FlutterByeBye1.

I think he will try to guilt you again when you are ready to leave, he has projected his feelings onto you previously when you wanted to leave saying you would be splitting the family up. He resents your DC, that won’t ever change but when you walk away he will try to make out he doesn’t want to lose them. He knows it’s your Achilles heel that you would love to be a happy family with him and he will use that to string you along.
He wasn’t bothered about your baby being ill in hospital and his resentment of you all returning home plus saying he hates being a dad in front of your son is horrific. He is showing you who he really is, he will get worse as the DC get older so you need to leave before they get damaged by him. He’s not going to change and only get worse so please leave him soon.