Partner says he hates fatherhood and I think this is the end

[FlutterByeBye1]

Partner and I have been together almost 10 years, we have 2 DC together, 4 & 10 months. They are a lot of work, as all small children are. DP is constantly saying he hates being a dad, even in front of DC, constantly moody and stroppy, snapping at our 4yo. Today was the last straw. This week our youngest has been in hospital for 5 days, I stayed with the baby, eldest stopped with grandparents, all came home in time for Easter Sunday, today DP told me everything was fine until we all came home. I know this is now the end of our relationship, I feel like I am constantly treading on eggshells and I don’t want that for our DC. Not sure why I’m posting, maybe for solidarity and practical steps moving forward. Feeling like this is really the end.

He lied to his own parents that he was at the hospital?

Thanks for your reply, that sounds like a very similar situation, DP worked away a lot to provide the bulk of the finances while the three of us had our own routine at home. It’s taken this to realise he really resents family life and is happier working away. It’s a bitter pill to swallow

As sad as it will be for a while, you’ll feel a lot better once you don’t have to deal with him and his moods bringing everyone down.

I think it would be for the best if he did disappear as well as I’d genuinely worry about leaving the children with him

Oh, I see
So he lied to his parents too

Best get rid. I'm so sorry.

Get some legal advice ASAP. I dont know how things stand re the house, with you not being married, but he is certainly responsible for paying child support.
Maybe he will end up like my ex. He walked away, never paid a penny in child support, now has 2 adult sons who dont want to know him. Hes now alone with a degenerative disease, living in a grotty one bed flat and drinking himself to death. I did have a conversation with him a few months ago, he bitterly regrets now not being a father to his sons, I told him he had done it to himself and will get no sympathy whatsoever from me 😬

Him hating being a parent will be easier for you, you most likely won’t need to co-parent with a loser who doesn’t want to have his children. On a good note you have a deposit for a home, you have a good paying job and you won’t be treading on eggshells any longer. I think you’ll find a weight has been lifted from you @FlutterByeBye1. Some partners are just shit when children come along, I’m sorry you’re going through this but if I was in your situation I’d be looking at a brighter future without a deadweight partner in my life that couldn’t step up to being a parent. Shame on him, what a waste of space. Carve out a new life for you and your children, it probably won’t be any different as you’re already the solo parent anyway.

Buy your own house, keep being independent and claim CMS, the least he can do is financially support his children.

I stopped making any plans for us as a family and he never questioned it. I came to the realisation he is happy spend most of his time working and let me raise the kids.

OP he sounds awful. I’m sorry you’re going through this but leaving him is absolutely the right decision. His negativity will impact the children. Let’s hope he just evaporates.

Oh OP, am so very sorry. I am not for one splitting up easily but you have to protect your lovely children. No child should grow up hearing their own dad say this and feel rejected/unloved. I hope in time their dad sees the error of his ways and begins to make it up to them and be a decent dad but I think for now you guys need to get away from this negative man.

I hope the youngest is truly on the mend from hospital now. Sending hugs.

He sounds like a petulant child OP. Get rid . And as for him going NC with the kids (your previous post). I think that would suit him down to the ground, he's a selfish prick. Meanwhile, you sound like a great mum who will give the children everything they need.

If you ever have a moment & waver on the decision to end things, specifically when he begs for another change. Remember this weekend, how when your baby was in hospital he was not there for you or the children.

husbands/partners should be supportive & work as a team with you, you support each other in the ups and downs.

he doesn’t deserve you or the kids & you 3 deserve miles better. Tell him to leave & then work out next steps

Dump the selfish git. It is painful to accept that your partner cannot or will not be the father that your DC deserve, I’ve been there, but you will feel so much better once you cut him loose. You sound a loving mum who will put your children first. You’re already doing it all anyway so why carry a dead weight, you will restore your peace of mind and build a lovely bond with your DC, he will end up a lonely man. Good luck and don’t let him spoil your new life.

I think your DP has realised that fatherhood means putting others before himself and he clearly cannot cope with that. Not an adult, I’m afraid but a child who think his comfort and happiness are the only important things and everything else is an inconvenience. Life is too short to deal with this nonsense and to have to explain to him the obvious. Speak to family and friends in real life, sort out the practical stuff and move on. You can’t be walking on eggshells and you don’t want your kids to grow up in that kind of environment. You’ve been doing it all without him by the sounds of it and I think what you will miss is what could have been rather than what actually was. Unfortunately he is not a kind, caring and reliable person who steps up when things are tough. Instead he ducks away while complaining he’s being bothered by it all. No, not someone you want in your life. There is literally no point other than hoping he will change. But this is such basic level adult behaviour that is required that if he hasn’t managed it by now, I think a future epiphany is highly unlikely. You sound like a lovely woman and you and your kids deserve more. Good luck.

Since he's already lied to his parents I'd be tempted to contact them and tell them what he has said but tell them you have appreciated their support as grandparents and will facilitate their relationship with their grandchildren even though he doesn't want one with his own children. Otherwise he will be creating a story about what an evil mother you are not letting him see his DC.

Agree OP. Get angry and get rid of the useless arsehole.

Being a parent is hard
silly little man child
make sure you get a cms claim in as soon as you separate given that it sounds like he’ll be doing no parenting he needs to pay the 100%

It’s sometimes embarrassing to be a man on here!

So many men seem to think active fatherhood is optional.

Does he know how you feel? It might be worth having a conversation before finally pulling the plug. He night wake up and smell the coffee if he knew his alternatives.

But parents have to be a partnership, and men should realise their privilege in having lovely children, regardless of how tough the early years are.

If i were you OP I would be building a whole new life for myself elsewhere and he would be finding out after I’d left.

A frank conversation is needed - shall I leave or are you going to stop with the horrible comments and pull your weight?!

meanwhile start getting your ducks in a row because we all know he isn’t just going to become a good father now.

Unfortunately, some men never grow up to be good, caring, loving parents. Your partner has shown he doesn’t care by not bothering to visit while your DC was in hospital, I am sorry that it’s taken this for you to actually see, but he’s shown his true colours.

youve said you want to go completely no contact with him - which is right, he will add no value to your children’s lives/emotions -

but, do put in a child maintenance claim. Even if you just save the money for them. It’s theirs.

Any man who talks like this isn’t worth the title of father.

I think it’s fair enough for dc to stay at gp
to allow p to support you and baby in hospital. But it doesn’t sound like that’s what he did, and wasn’t there for you or either of your dc.

You also ask why you posted. I guess by writing it down, you clarify your thought, and it becomes real.

urgh another oxygen thieving, man child. He resents his own children cause now you don’t give him all the attention he needs. As you have recognised yourself OP, you can do better without him.