Oh far too many things ranging from the poor comms I’ve mentioned to nonsense like the burned haystack method and every other bit of dating expert psychobabble in-between.
Far too many on there are seeming experts on dating and how men tick when the reality is oh so different. I find myself reading and thinking from the male perspective and literally wanting to bang my head against a wall.
It’s really simple - if you like a guy, let him know - most of us [myself included] borderline need to be dry humped before we can pick up the signal. Let’s not forget, we’re nervous about getting hurt too and are equally wary. Sometimes I see the advice on those threads and get the impression [well meaning or not] that some folks contributing there help keep others posting single.
Let’s look at my experience of OLD. Realistically [despite also only being 5’7”] I do get positive interaction and could be on dates most weeks - granted, my inbox isn’t overflowing like some ladies.
But let’s be realistic too. In six months of dates I would estimate that 75%+ of women mentioned their last ex having been toxic, a misogynist or a narcissist. When asked to explain how they came to that conclusion, to explain the definition or the behaviours they couldn’t. It’s become all too fashionable to spin out this nonsense because we are bombarded by it online.
All this stuff we are bombarded with is divisive be that the red pill content aimed at men or this other dating formula nonsense aimed at both - don’t double text, don’t over text, don’t call him/her till they call you. That’s the strategy of confusion and my experience of love hasn’t been so formulaic 🤣
My personal biggest red flag? Someone who fails to see their own part in failed relationships [DV etc being a caveat but not something I have encountered when dating]. Sadly, I do see this all too often so either I am meeting the world’s most unlucky women or as a society there is an absolute reluctance to take accountability.
I’d stand and applaud anyone who said to me how they contributed to a relationship downfall, what they learned and what regrets they had. This is far more human.
For what it’s worth - at the end of a ten year relationship of mine that ended two years ago I went to therapy rather than getting with someone else. Eight months working with a therapist to work through my own shortcomings and to help become a better person. I’m no masochist but I equally accept that it took two to tango.
Basically I wish folks would chuck the dating handbook out the window, strip back the false expectation [have standards of course] and treat encounters with a bit more honesty and humanity.
As I say, letting us know you like us and initiating equally would go a long way. We don’t chase and pursue any more, society has led us to believe that’s not what women want any more.
I’ll continue to lurk on those posts - they’re an eye opener but sadly rarely a positive one