Abandoned at Easter!!!

[TheFunDog]

Abandoned at Easter!!!

Dp and I usually have a little break in the uk at easter with his 2dc and their families.
Last week the break was canceled by the company, so I thought we might find another break. But his 2 dc have decided to meet up somewhere else together and I thought that's OK, me and my dp can do our own thing...... but dp has now decided to join his dc and im left on my own for easter.

Aibu to feel abandoned??

Don't worry, us kids who's Dads suddenly reappear when we are adults are aware of what's going on, and don't forget who was there when it mattered.

Any "partner" should discuss a weekend away WITH you.
Not just throw his intentions at you, with no interest in how you feel about it. Otherwise, it's not any kind of partnership - that's more like a couple who date - or even just a "me-ship".

@TheFunDog : In the early years he was happy to use me so he didn't have to spend time with them too much,

Out of interest, @TheFunDog, do you think your DP's children ever felt abandoned when he chose to spend time with you rather than with them when they were growing up?

So essentially he’s a selfish user who puts himself first and just wants an easy life.

Yes I would definitely be reconsidering the relationship. He sounds like one of those men who would cd straight out the door if you become unwell eg cancer. I’d only want to gd in a relationship with someone I thought I could rely on when times got tough and he is not it. If I was his kids I’d be taking a similar view

It’s a bit annoying OP but it’s not the end of the world. My dc (adults) are spending Easter with their dad and I am in my own. It doesn’t bother me, it’s not Christmas, I will have a lovely day tomorrow on my own, if the weathers nice I will go for a walk or do some gardening.

Maybe you should of said there was a big fall
out . Totally changes your post. You expected him to choose you over his children? Maybe rethink your relationship

shw had a big fall out with the family and would not of gone even if asked

DP. ‘Look, this a bit awkward but DCs have rebooked the holiday but given that last bust up, they’re only inviting me. I know it’s a bit crap but I’m trying to rebuild my relationship with them andcreate contact with the DGCs. How do you feel about that?’

OP: ‘It’s not ideal and I need to do some mending, but given the circs I’m not sure I would want to go anyway. You go and enjoy yourself. I’ll have a get together with x and y who don’t like you much or I’d see them more often. How do you feel about that’?

Precisely! Now the children are grown and fun enough for him, the OP's usefulness has diminished and he's where the fun is. ☹️.

Well ordinarily no I wouldn’t be all that bothered by being alone at Easter. Apart from being a good reason to have chocolate, it’s not a holiday I’m all that bothered about.
The potentially bigger issue why you weren’t invited to this trip when you were originally supposed to be going with them. I wouldn’t be too pleased about that.
People saying you can’t expect him to abandon his children are missing the point. For a start they are adults. I wouldn’t consider that my dad had ‘abandoned’ me if he decided to go away for Easter because I’m not a child. Secondly, you were supposed to be going with them!

I will be on my own on Easter day. I have bought myself a nice free range chicken breast, some lovely fresh purple sprouting and I will do some roast potatoes and gravy and have a yummy peaceful roast dinner.
My AC children are with their other half's family this year.

She fell out with them. It was obvious from the original post there would be a drip feed and there was. The children don't want to spend time with her.

It suited her then. Now he's chosing them over her and she's "abandoned". Turns out he did abandon his kids plenty of times.

Thanks for all your replies.

I feel i was just a little blindsided out of the blue and yes I was looking forward to a little break.... my DP and I have had a tumultuous relationship at times but as we've got older i realise that he does his best and he looks after me as much as he can and im very lucky to have him.
Yes there are other things I would have liked in a partner but you have to see the good that might not be there in a different relationship.

As done if you have said I'm enjoying the peace and im chilling!

Also, some of you who have replied are really compassionate and empathetic by nature and others can be quite brash and often are bringing their own feelings into their writings.
I suppose it takes allsorts!!

Take care during these nasty winds.
Xx

I think comfort in own skin and confidence in psotiive changes are the key to overcoming to abandonment.

A massive fall out with his daughters

plus

A “tumultuous” relationship with your partner (I’d say, moving out sounds tumultuous!)

plus

holiday all together

= blood bath (and probably a Netflix true crime drama in 2027)

There isn’t enough context here.

”Abandoned” is dramatic. I think it’s reasonable for them to have some time together without you regardless of their age.

He'd only be gone for 48 hours!!

Hmm.

It sounds like he doesn't care whether you have a relationship with his family?

The main issue for me is that there has been a big falling out between me and DP family (not my doing) and this little holiday was me trying to reconcile our relationships

I am not surprised you are upset OP, and however much it is ok to be on our own sometimes, basically your DH’s family have maintained the big falling out by booking a weekend without you, and your DH has gone off with them to your exclusion.

Yes it’s good to spend time with his Dc but the particular context here adds negative complication. Perhaps not as far as ‘he has sided with them’ but pretty close.

It’s ok to tell him how you feel about this.

What was the nature of the fall out?

Your DH should be supporting the attempt to heal the rift.

Are you living with your partner @TheFunDog ?

Nope, I used to lol

Exactly

so relationship with partner far from happy
massive fall out with his daughter

it would have been hellish. For everyone. The kids made the right call in view of the circumstances

Your DP should take you away for the weekend to make up for it.

That’s not the point .. they had Easter plans for them ALL to go, and then they got cancelled last minute . So yes, it’s rude to suddenly make new arrangements that do not include her. Why should she be the one to spend Easter alone?
Being upset about having a planned break cancelled does not mean they are joined at the hip .