Abandoned at Easter!!!

[TheFunDog]

Abandoned at Easter!!!

Dp and I usually have a little break in the uk at easter with his 2dc and their families.
Last week the break was canceled by the company, so I thought we might find another break. But his 2 dc have decided to meet up somewhere else together and I thought that's OK, me and my dp can do our own thing...... but dp has now decided to join his dc and im left on my own for easter.

Aibu to feel abandoned??

Looking at it from a different perspective.

Perhaps his adult children didn’t actually want their father joining them which is why they booked something else entirely but he has invited himself on their weekend.

Some of these responses are wild.

Its unbelievably rude that you've not been invited. Very hurtful and not normal treatment of a spouse.

how old are his dc? How long has he been with you?

but ultimately - in Pretty much any and every scenario I can imagine I would prioritise my children over a boyfriend

Not a spouse
no idea how long they’re ever boyfriend / girlfriend

But his 2 dc have decided to meet up somewhere else together

clearly - there’s a story as to why

Next update from the OP will be that she got drunk on Friday and passed out only waking up on Sunday, and when her husband finally returned .... she'd gone!

I think this is the key question really —have you actually been excluded, or are you a bit put out because you want him more to yourself?

A man wanting to maintain a relationship with his children, whether they’re young or adults, is hardly a character flaw is it?

I’ll be honest, I struggle with the mindset you see, all too often, see expressed on threads on MN, where a man is expected to sideline his existing family (parents, children from previous relationships, etc.) in full favour of a partner. It’s as if he’s meant to prove his commitment by cutting everyone else off.

That’s not what a healthy relationship looks like to me. Real commitment isn’t about shutting people out—it’s about making space for both.

With anyone who thinks it's ridiculous that a man has a close relationship with his own (yes, adult) children, I do wonder what exactly they expect from a partner!

This

A long weekend, totally alone!
Bliss!!

I think some people are being harsh. You all had a holiday planned, the one you booked got cancelled outside of anyone’s control, and now a new holiday has been booked but you’ve found yourself ousted from it effectively. That’s made more apparent by the fact that your DP can invite himself to that trip (or has been invited) but not you. Of course that’s hurtful.

It does sound a bit like his adult children seized the opportunity to break out of holidaying with you, Should make you think about future plans with them! If you are happy with DP it might be best to just accept that’s how it is, and make the most of some solo time. If you feel like this will be a pattern of being left out or made to feel an outsider and you’re not happy about it then you leave him.

They made other plans that don't include the OP.

He's spending it with his grandchildren too, why would he not go? Better to "abandon" them for his ADULT girlfriend since you have such a problem with adult children spending time with their dad.

Abandoned is a bit dramatic! You haven't really been abandoned

How has ot come out that you have not been invited?

It does seem a bit strange and cruel if you all normally go on this holiday together and you have suddenly not been invited.

If you were referring to my post commenting on his ADULT children, it wasn't a negative he wants to spend time with his adult children. But that the poster I quoted said he would be 'abandoning his children' if he didn't go.

His ADULT children (with their own children) who had booked a different holiday.

IF they didn't invite the OP (when they usually all spend Easter together) then yes, he should have declined & spent Easter with the OP. But if they invited her & she chose not to go. It depends on why?

I have more sympathy for a pet [rabbit usually] being abandoned [dumped] at /after easter than an adult unless there are medical needs or ND needing support.

oh give over.

i have no problem with adult children spending time with their Dad. You have no idea how hurtful that comment is.

But his adult children chose to book a different holiday together (when their usual one was cancelled) the way the OP phrased it makes it sound like either her partner was invited alone OR has just invited himself, but wasn't part of the decision making.

hardly 'abandoning his children' as you wrote in your previous post.

and why are you reducing OP to 'girlfriend' from partner?

@ILoveDaffodills I used the same words @TheFunDog used. Abandoning adults.

The adult children and their families have booked a holiday, their dad is joining them. That does not make an adult who is not invited, Abandoned.

She is his girlfriend. They aren't married.

But they normally all go away together, and indeed planned to do so this Easter. On the face of it, if OP's partner can join them it ought to be possible for her to do so also.

OP talks about a tradition of getting together over Easter, so they're likely to have been together for around three years minimum.

Not going on holiday with ADULT children is NOT abandoning them.

Going on holiday with all the family as they normally do but leaving one person out is horrible. I'm not sure I'd call it abandoning, but...

you're still reducing their relationship, they are long-term partners. She's not his girlfriend. Girlfriend & Wife aren't the only 2 options.

The context is key here, and my response would depend on how the change of plans was communicated. There are lots of reasons why plans change, and most of us can cope, but if things are said in different ways, it can evoke a different response.

So what exactly was the scenario OP?

Assuming it is normally OPs side that books this, his children and grandchildren may go because they want to spend Easter with their dad or it's a free holiday and they are happy to take advantage of it.

This booking was cancelled and the children have booked their own holiday. Since only their dad joining them that suggests they either just want to holiday together and don't want to offend their father by telling him he isn't invited or they would rather not spend their holiday with OP. Or HE doesn't want @TheFunDog to join them, which is something else entirely.

Either way OP hasn't been abandoned.

I think if a holiday had been booked, but was cancelled out of all your control, and a new holiday was booked for the same days, and everyone from the original holiday booking was going apart from me; I’d feel really confused and upset.

You are making the assumption that they live together, I made the assumption that they don't. Many MNs call men they have been dating for 5 minutes their partner so I stick to two options. Boyfriend or husband. What you infer from that is entirely on you.

As I already said I used OPs words. A father going on holiday with his children doesn't make her abandoned.

I don't appreciate your targeting me for your issues about dad's spending time with their children. My original comment wasn't aimed at you. You didn't need to respond to me or police my language.

Did you ask why you aren’t invited if you usually are?

To be fair, my adult DC complaint that they never get to see their dad without his wife in tow…

Yes, this. It feels like the second half of the story is missing.

OP - when your partner said he was going to join his children after all, presumably you said, “You, but not me? Why not?” or similar? What did he say? Did he say he wanted time alone with the children, or vice versa?

If you barely knew the adult children and were just a bit disappointed he was spending the weekend with them instead of you, that’s one thing. But you’d all planned to go away together, and not for the first time. So this is a significant change of plan. It seems odd he just went off without explaining it, or you questioning it.