Abandoned at Easter!!!

[TheFunDog]

Abandoned at Easter!!!

Dp and I usually have a little break in the uk at easter with his 2dc and their families.
Last week the break was canceled by the company, so I thought we might find another break. But his 2 dc have decided to meet up somewhere else together and I thought that's OK, me and my dp can do our own thing...... but dp has now decided to join his dc and im left on my own for easter.

Aibu to feel abandoned??

surely he didnt just jump up and ran off to his kids. did you bother expressing your feelings or are you just sitting there feeling hurt now that he is not there?

But even if you've had a falling out, why were you invited on trip A but not trip B?

The booked holiday was on neutral territory... the new one isn't so I wouldn't have gone if I had been invited.
Also this comes on the back of the same thing at Xmas... I'm starting to feel like I'm having an affair with my long term partner, never spending significant times of the year together!!

How long have you been together? It sounds like you feeling fed up of always being second best. Are you always having to fit around his family, and never being prioritised?

Major drip feed here @TheFunDog .... why did you all fall out? And what is your DPs take on the fall out and any attempts at reconciliation?

He didn't want to spend time with his kids when they were younger and he used you as a reason? Does that mean they think he put you over them?

If that's the case I can see why they wouldn't want you there

Yeah but that’s actually on him. His avoidance of his own kids has created this dynamic.

What did you fall out over OP?

I think Op & her partner organised the first one?

In the early years he was happy to use me so he didn't have to spend time with them too much, but as they've got older and easier to be with and have children he enjoys being with them more.

He sounds awful.

Why on earth did you stick with that?

Saying you feel like you're having an affair with him because he spends time with his adult kids on Xmas and Easter is a bit extreme?!

It would seem this fall out you speak of hasn't been resolved in their eyes. They either don't want to discuss it with you or are still somehow offended? It's difficult to say if that's reasonable or not without knowing what caused the fall out.

But if it's his kids arranging it and they didn't invite you and you say you wouldn't have gone anyway, I'd hope you wouldn't be too annoyed at him.

It sounds as if your DP didn't like doing too much parenting when his DC were young, did he use you for childcare or did he use you as an excuse not to see them Op? Either way it's harmed your relationship with his DC so now you're the bad guy, it's doubly unfair that now he enjoys his adult DC's company he's happy to ditch you for them.
I'd be going away for a break of your own Op, hopefully he won't have the front to complain when you don't invite him.

Or was he avoiding parenting them, but now they’re adults, so it’s easier.

I really cba with such a massive drip feed. If you dont get on with hus DC then get a hobby so you dont feel "abandoned" when he sees them.

What was the fall out about? I think this is crucial.

So you and DP organised the first holiday as a way to sort out the fall out? It was cancelled by holiday company and another holiday has been arranged without you?

Did you? 🤔

But it's not just him who spends Easter with his children - the OP is usually there too.

The question is why, on this occasion, the OP seems to be dliberately left out

Yes this sounds like it’s not about the holiday at all… it sounds like there’s been a falling out and they have already been distancing from you since Xmas? Or before?
So nobody here can really offer an opinion without the full context .
Do you want advice on how to reconcile, what happened, who needs to apologise etc etc…

Agreed

I think maybe it does to the OP and that is why she has posted. Clearly you don't celebrate Easter but I also find that very baffling as Easter was always a big celebration in my house and much more enjoyable than Christmas.

Easter is actually a more important time than Christmas to lots of Christians.

His adult children. Leaving OP alone for Easter weekend. If she’s always joined them for this break why is she being left out now ? It’s just rude.

Sorry OP, not much use to you, but honestly this is why it's a terrible idea to get involved with a man with children. The shit doesn't stop when they grow up, you'll never be the priority.

Your posts are quite cryptic, @TheFunDog and your explanations only raise further questions. If you want useful advice you really need to explain in detail what is actually going on.

In the early years he was happy to use me so he didn't have to spend time with them too much, but as they've got older and easier to be with and have children he enjoys being with them more.

Sounds like you've known what type of man he was from the beginning. This shouldn't really come as much of a surprise.

I was reading through the thread, waiting for the drip feeds, and sure enough.

So, to summarise so far

You have a difficult relationship with his adult dc.
You agreed to go away with them to try to tolerate them.
The venue fell through.
The dc booked somewhere else.
You refused to go to the new place.

Now you are looking for sympathy by claiming you were 'abandoned'.

Is that right ?