Abandoned at Easter!!!

[TheFunDog]

Abandoned at Easter!!!

Dp and I usually have a little break in the uk at easter with his 2dc and their families.
Last week the break was canceled by the company, so I thought we might find another break. But his 2 dc have decided to meet up somewhere else together and I thought that's OK, me and my dp can do our own thing...... but dp has now decided to join his dc and im left on my own for easter.

Aibu to feel abandoned??

You wouldn't have gone even if you were invited, the holiday is not "neutral" territory, there has been a falling out and your DP used you as an excuse not to see his DC.

These are all massive things that significantly shift the core of the issue.

1. Why did your DP not want to spend time with his DC and why did he use you as an excuse for this? No wonder there is an issue between you and his DC. Your DP is the one who created the issue.
2. What was the recent falling out about and if it wasn't your doing, whose doing was it?
3. What do you mean by not neutral territory?

If you are happy for your DP to see his DC and your relationship with them is so poor that you can't be around them without falling out, territory negotiations etc then I suspect this is how things will have to be. I suspect your DP is the root cause of these issues. You will either have to suck it up and organise yourself to enjoy the break from him, or ask him to prioritise you at the expense of his DC and DGC. He seemed happy enough to do that in the past but has had a recent change of heart.

True. You reap what you sow I guess.

My exh remarried and it suited his second wife perfectly that he didn’t bother with his own kids as it meant more time for her and her child. However now our children are adults and don’t ‘need looking after’ and they have their own money he suddenly wants to spend time with them, mainly in the pub or going out for meals as it’s ‘fun’ I will never forgive him for that.

I agree.

Though I do think it's odd he hasn't asked the op to go with him.

There must be more to it.

Maybe it has run its course.

It’s just baffling - these men might as well have ‘ I am thoroughly selfish’ stamped on their forehead.
mind, I do know a couple and it’s fairly fascinating that they are both insanely selfish but it kinda works! They’re just together in their selfishness.

It would not bother me personally to be on my own for Easter weekend. BUT if you two had plans together and the plans changed, he should at the very least have told you he was going to make his own plans as soon as he knew so that you could make your own. (I'm not sure if that happened or not). Given that you've spent this particular holiday together for the last few years and had planned to spend it together this year, I would find anything less rude and thoughtless. If you've told him you were surprised and inconvenienced and he's still insisting he doesn't understand why, he may need a little more empathy.

So why are you putting up with this then?

Doesn’t really sound like the best relationship if you can’t even get along with his children. I couldn’t be with someone and live with that dynamic.

Hi OP. Do you mean the entire Easter weekend? Or Easter Day (Sunday)? Did your DP discuss with you about going. Or simply tell you he was? Why do you think he’s invalidating your feelings?

He’s being forced to choose between his DC/GC(?) and you. Because you won’t go (or be invited) to a family member’s home. And, faced with the choice, he’s choosing his DC/GC - again. TBF, if there are young GC? it’s such a shame to miss out on seeing them all excited at Xmas and Easter. But it doesn’t have to be for days/the whole day, does it?

He should be respectful to you. You were prepared to be conciliatory/make a compromise to make it work for everyone (a get-together in neutral place). It fell through. So, where’s his compromise, e.g. seeing his family for the day/part of day.

I’d plan a lovely day/weekend of time to indulge yourself without any interruptions or compromises. Brekkie in bed, watch whatever you want, play your favourite music, lovely walk, lunch with a good book, pampering, a couple of glasses of your fave drink. Wash that man right out of your hair! 💐

It sounds like a dire relationship with a selfish man.
But presumably the OP let him prioritise her over his kids when they were small so was complicit in his crap behaviour.
But he's their dad so he is now forgiven & she isn't.
Can't see it getting any better as time rolls on.

Could you BE any more rude.

Nice

I haven’t read all the subsequent messages, only your original post, and I’m sorry to say but it doesn’t sound like the trip has been cancelled - it seems that his children don’t want you to attend. Could there be a reason for this, or is it out of the blue?

So, he was a shit dad, and threw you under the bus. He’s now seeing that his actions have consequences, he’s trying to get his kids back, and he’s STILL throwing you under the bus. Yuk

Yeah, you need to read them. At least the OP's ones anyway.

I would have said after reading your first post that you were right to be put out by it. But your subsequent posts suggest the holiday was being used to reconcile with them after a recent fallout. Which tbh doesnt sound like its going to be a fun break. Maybe theyve decided they no longer want the break to be used in this way, and just want a holiday and fun with their dcs. Sounds like your dh has then asked if he could go alone, as he doesnt have an axe to grind...

This is all a bit dramatic for me but its framed all wrong.

a long weekend to do as you please!

I would be making the most of it, shame you didn’t have more advance notice so you could have made proper plans

That's a very odd stance to take.

There was a holiday booked which involved all of them. Then when it's cancelled the other people separately arrange a different holiday and exclude the op.

Of course it's hurtful. And VERY ODD.

If they had all arranged to spend Easter together and the precise location plans fall through at the last minute, it seems really poor form for him to swan off with 2 out of 3 of the party and leave one person on their own at home.

In the early years he was happy to use me so he didn't have to spend time with them too much, but as they've got older and easier to be with and have children he enjoys being with them more.

He doesn't sound like a prize. Are you sure. you wouldn't rather have some time to yourself?

However ...

@TheFunDog it seems like there's no appetite in the family for your "reconciliation". So I think you will have to cut your losses and enjoy a weekend doing nice things for yourself.

In the longer term you are going to have to have a conversation with your DP about what you both want out of the relationship.

Yes it does matter . They were all booked to go, it was cancelled. OP says they usually go away together at Easter , to exclude her is downright nasty . I’d make a plan to do exactly what I wanted and would show zero interest in their trip

You say in your early relationship he was happy to use you as to not see his children as much.
and you’re still with him? 🤢 🤮 🤢

Have you read the full thread and the OP's updates?
She doesn't get on with the family & can only meet them on "neutral ground" so can't go to where they are meeting now. And her DP used her as "an excuse" to not see his kids when they were younger so it's all way more complicated than it first appeared.