Page 3 | Extremely Attracted to Colleague

Lustandconfused · 2026-04-03T21:50:42+00:00

Last year a new man started in my office. We do a similar but not identical job so have to interact a lot, be in meetings together and are invited on the same work trips. About 6 months ago we were on a work trip and spent time together in the evening. It was the first time we had really discussed anything other than work and we discovered we had lots in common from our degree subject to hobbies. This is where the chemistry started for me. Since then we've spent more time together and the common ground we share is astounding. I am incredibly attracted to him. He has the most beautiful eyes and smile. He's funny and kind. We get along so well and have a really easy friendship but I want to know if it could be something more. I think he likes me too but how can I be sure? We sometimes have moments of intense eye contact especially when hugging goodbye. Last week I'd just come back from annual leave and he said it was good to see me and gave me a hug. This is my dilemma - if it's all in my head and I say what I am thinking I don't want to ruin a valued friendship. However, if the feelings are mutual I don't want to miss out on what could be the most intense connection of my life. For context we are both mid-late 40s and single after breakdown of marriages within last few years. I can honestly say I never had this intense kind of attraction to anyone before, not even ExH. What would you do?

Janey90 · 04/04/2026 18:22

There’s no harm in suggesting a coffee - if he’s interested he’ll jump at the chance. If he’s not, then it was just one colleague suggesting a coffee to another.

PloddingAlong21 · 04/04/2026 19:16

“We sometimes have moments of intense eye contact especially when hugging goodbye“

how can you have intense eye contact when hugging? Your eyes literally aren’t aligned?

Has he not got your number? Never messaged you outside of work? If he has (which if he’s into you I expect he has?), what’s the tone of the messages?

Original poster

Lustandconfused · 04/04/2026 19:39

You're all so helpful. He's off for Easter now so will be a week until I see him. I think I might bring up the exhibition since it's only on for another month and say I haven't had chance to go yet and see if he'd like to come with me.

That doesn't sound too "date"-y does it? God, I feel so inexperienced for my age!!

I will definitely report back with any updates 🤞

OP posts:

Fafner · 04/04/2026 19:43

Lustandconfused · 04/04/2026 19:39

You're all so helpful. He's off for Easter now so will be a week until I see him. I think I might bring up the exhibition since it's only on for another month and say I haven't had chance to go yet and see if he'd like to come with me.

That doesn't sound too "date"-y does it? God, I feel so inexperienced for my age!!

I will definitely report back with any updates 🤞

Isn’t the whole point for it to be ‘date-y’? Otherwise you’re back with the status quo of only seeing one another outside of work in bigger groups and intense eye contact while hugging. Though I agree with a pp that this would involve dislocating both your necks.

Original poster

Lustandconfused · 04/04/2026 19:54

PloddingAlong21 · 04/04/2026 19:16

“We sometimes have moments of intense eye contact especially when hugging goodbye“

how can you have intense eye contact when hugging? Your eyes literally aren’t aligned?

Has he not got your number? Never messaged you outside of work? If he has (which if he’s into you I expect he has?), what’s the tone of the messages?

When breaking away. It's like a hug with a tight squeeze then eye contact on the way out.

He calls me sometimes just for a chat. Occasionally texts which can go on for 20/30 messages. We usually chat about a mix of work stuff, family (both have elderly parents not living locally), book recommendations, weekend plans, finding out more about each other's background and interests generally.

We can chat for ages really comfortably. There's teasing and occasional compliments but they are always appropriate. I worried I had coffee breath one day and he said I've never noticed your breath ever smell. I once told him I really liked his new trousers.

OP posts:

Tonissister · 04/04/2026 20:07

Lustandconfused · 04/04/2026 19:39

You're all so helpful. He's off for Easter now so will be a week until I see him. I think I might bring up the exhibition since it's only on for another month and say I haven't had chance to go yet and see if he'd like to come with me.

That doesn't sound too "date"-y does it? God, I feel so inexperienced for my age!!

I will definitely report back with any updates 🤞

If you know he is interested in art, say to him: I'm thinking of going to this exhibition, do you fancy coming?

If he says not sure, that's a pretty clear message. if he says yes, say, 'It's on till May so let me know which weekend you might be free.'

if he doesn't come back to you fairly quickly with dates, take that as a sign that something isn't quite right.

BuiltToDrift · 04/04/2026 20:35

Lustandconfused · 04/04/2026 19:54

When breaking away. It's like a hug with a tight squeeze then eye contact on the way out.

He calls me sometimes just for a chat. Occasionally texts which can go on for 20/30 messages. We usually chat about a mix of work stuff, family (both have elderly parents not living locally), book recommendations, weekend plans, finding out more about each other's background and interests generally.

We can chat for ages really comfortably. There's teasing and occasional compliments but they are always appropriate. I worried I had coffee breath one day and he said I've never noticed your breath ever smell. I once told him I really liked his new trousers.

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Oh this sounds very likely mutual to me 😊 Will be watching this one for updates!

WarmQuoter · 04/04/2026 21:22

He totally likes you! Trust me I can tell. Go for it! I met my husband through work. I liked him for a while before I made a move, and here we are 25 years and 3 kids and 2 dogs later! 😂

BountifulPantry · 04/04/2026 21:27

I’m invested now OP. Go for it!

Macinae · 04/04/2026 22:56

Agree with others saying for you to suggest doing something you're both interested in, it's not too forward to make a colleague feel uncomfortable if they don't reciprocate, because that's really the last thing any of us want to do especially with a work colleague. Maybe that's why he hasn't made a move, terrified of misreading signals and being labelled the office creep. In no way trying to get your hopes up but if you have chemistry that isn't something that's one-sided. We all know the difference between us simply fancying someone and feeling sparks. Please update us OP!

beasmithwentworth · 04/04/2026 23:10

Yes I like the ‘what a day that’s been. I need a glass of wine. Fancy joining me?’ Idea

Pryceosh1987 · 04/04/2026 23:23

Most good relationships start as friendships.

Sugarsugarcane · 04/04/2026 23:23

Lustandconfused · 04/04/2026 19:54

When breaking away. It's like a hug with a tight squeeze then eye contact on the way out.

He calls me sometimes just for a chat. Occasionally texts which can go on for 20/30 messages. We usually chat about a mix of work stuff, family (both have elderly parents not living locally), book recommendations, weekend plans, finding out more about each other's background and interests generally.

We can chat for ages really comfortably. There's teasing and occasional compliments but they are always appropriate. I worried I had coffee breath one day and he said I've never noticed your breath ever smell. I once told him I really liked his new trousers.

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This all sounds adorable, please keep us updated!
1000% agree with dipping your toe with outside of work stuff for a while and see how that develops

iplanonsleeping · 04/04/2026 23:35

Ahh go for it OP life is too short. He might be feeling exactly the same - uncertain and worried about damaging the friendship. As they saying goes, the only things we regret are the things we didn’t do. Make sure to update us.

TippyTee · 05/04/2026 01:45

I’m loving all these success stories from taking a chance.

It was an opposite experience for me. When I was early 20s and single, I got along with a guy that was similar age and single too, at work. For ages, we had the same shifts and we would joke around and have great conversation and eye contact. I asked him out to the movies and he said no. I guess rejection happens to some of us but obviously an ego blow for me. Luckily, it was a big workplace and I was able to avoid him after that.

I think just be prepared for it to be a great next step or if not, then his loss. Good luck, OP!

PloddingAlong21 · 05/04/2026 06:25

BuiltToDrift · 04/04/2026 20:35

Oh this sounds very likely mutual to me 😊 Will be watching this one for updates!

Show quote history

Agreed.

no bloke is sending 30 messages chatting if not overly interested.

GlovedhandsCecilia · 05/04/2026 06:39

I wouldnt make a move on a colleague.

Browneyedgirl84 · 05/04/2026 07:01

I’ve had a very similar thing with a colleague at work but we were both married at the time so never acted on anything - but the attraction was very strong and it was definitely mutual although totally unspoken. I was in therapy at the time and my therapist was adamant that when you feel like kind of chemistry with someone over a sustained period it is never one sided. From everything you’ve described he definitely feels the same way but being work colleagues makes it harder to act on. People often like to keep these things in the plausible deniability space to protect themselves. Just ask him for a drink/go to an exhibition - the worst that will happen is he’ll say no. Thea best that can happen.. I’m sure your imagination has already gone there! Go get him!

GlovedhandsCecilia · 05/04/2026 07:08

Browneyedgirl84 · 05/04/2026 07:01

I’ve had a very similar thing with a colleague at work but we were both married at the time so never acted on anything - but the attraction was very strong and it was definitely mutual although totally unspoken. I was in therapy at the time and my therapist was adamant that when you feel like kind of chemistry with someone over a sustained period it is never one sided. From everything you’ve described he definitely feels the same way but being work colleagues makes it harder to act on. People often like to keep these things in the plausible deniability space to protect themselves. Just ask him for a drink/go to an exhibition - the worst that will happen is he’ll say no. Thea best that can happen.. I’m sure your imagination has already gone there! Go get him!

"I was in therapy at the time and my therapist was adamant that when you feel like kind of chemistry with someone over a sustained period it is never one sided"

Please tell me this therapist isnt treating any stalkers.

LydiaFunnyGums · 05/04/2026 07:09

BaguetteLady · 04/04/2026 00:32

Be careful, OP. People pick up a lot more about us than we realise. If you are that strongly attracted to him, he's probably aware of it.

Also, your post is mostly about your attractiion to him. I think if he were equally attracted to you, there would be stronger hints of it than, "It's good to see you."

Why do you feel you have to make the move? Why not let him say what he's feeling, if in fact it's more than collegial?

I don't want to rain on your parade, OP, but it's a work situation - you need to protect your career and your feelings.

This 💯!
Don’t risk your job, the wage that pays your bills for your feelings.
If he is ‘that into you’ he will let you know. If he isn’t and rejects you it will knock your confidence back further.

LittleCrumblyBiscuit · 05/04/2026 07:15

I would tread very very carefully here. If he really is completely single and he is interested in you, then I think you would know by now. If you’re getting lingering looks and he’s not made any kind of move, I would be suspicious than he’s with someone.

CharlotteSometimes1 · 05/04/2026 07:16

Keep it light ‘the blah exhibition finishes next month, are you up for going?’.

ProudAmberTurtle · 05/04/2026 07:21

Good luck!

I think try and talk to him about it but make it clear that it's no big deal - you really enjoy the friendship and this could be a way of turning something from 99 to 100.

That way there's no pressure on him and, if it's not what he wants, the friendship should still be OK.

LazyCatLtd · 05/04/2026 07:59

Definitely sounds mutual to me. If it goes wrong or he’s not interested in a romance, would you still have to work closely with him or could you avoid him?
Someone I know well was in a very similar situation. They got together after meeting at work and everything was great for a while, then they split up after a row. It was absolute misery having to work together ina small company. Everyone knew and she found it really upsetting and hard. They did get back together and one of them now works elsewhere. It’s just fraught with complications to get involved with a colleague. Worth it though if it’s really something special.

olderandwiser83 · 05/04/2026 08:14

Guy here - he sounds interested in you and if you are both single 100% go for it - life is too short and the risk is worth the reward. Worst case scenario and he isn't interested you'll have your answer and can move on. If you guys are friendly enough it shouldn't ruin the friendship as long as you aren't over the top in your approach.

If you want to test the waters and give him more of a hint find an excuse to touch him nonchalantly and have the touch linger. If he likes you it will definitely be noticeable and if not hell pull away. Hopefully you catch him turning a little red or swallowing a little. I think it's a bit tougher in today's climate for men to show their interest so being a bit less subtle may be the key to finding out where you stand.