I've been with my partner for 5 years.
He has a lot of friends from the area where he grew up and, whenever it's someone's birthday or whatever, they tend to put on a gig at a local pub and all get together there to celebrate.
It's always quite an informal affair - everyone is invited - friends, husbands, wives, partners, girfriends/boyfriends of 6 weeks. In fact you're less invited and more presumed to be going. This is relevant.
Since we've been together, I've gone to several of these events with him. This is also relevant.
Except that, last summer, my partner went to one and didn't take me with him. There had been a lot of talk about it and because of the nature of the nights, it's always presented more as, "It's so-and-sos birthday on X. Such and such are playing. Have we got anything on?"
Last summer, we had the same conversation. The day before, I realised I hadn't got specific details and asked, "What time is it starting tomorrow?" He told me but that was it. I know how long it takes to get there so no problem. Only the following day, he asked me what my plans were for the evening. I was a bit stunned and said I hadn't got any. And he said, "Oh. OK. Well I'll be leaving at X time."
I didn't say anything because I didn't know what to say. I could have asked why I wasn't going with him but the small physical distance between us suddenly felt huge and I didn't feel like I could; I didn't want to have an upsetting conversation before he was going out for the evening and I didn't want to spend the evening on my own after a conversation that wasn't ever going to be positive.
I wondered if maybe that night was different for some reason but, no, the following day when he talked about it, the usual people had been there - all the same friends, husbands, wives, partners and girlfriends/boyfriends of 6 weeks... Just not me.
It's not been mentioned since. I've never asked and he's never explained. I'd pretty much forgotten about it, tbh.
But a few weeks ago, the conversation arose again. "It's John's birthday on Y at Z. There's a band playing. Have we got anything on?" No. Great!
Except that once again, there's been no mention of me going. I haven't been told I'm not going but then I wasn't last time either
We've been to gigs and the pub with John and his wife a few times. I can't think of any conceivable reason why John wouldn't want me there. We've always got on. I've always got on with his wife.
They're all very laid back and it's a live music pub where people are packed in until they're spilling out onto the street and no catering so not an issue of numbers.
In fact, the only probable explanation is that my partner doesn't want me there.
I just don't know what to say or what to think. There is no specific invitation to wait for as partners are automatically included. And my partner is definitely going. Nothing has been said to me either way. Like last year.
I just feel really stupid tbh. He is included appropriately with my friends. I wouldn't dream of going on a night out with couples without inviting him.
I wouldn't even mind if he said, "Look, AmIMissingSomethingHere, I haven't seen them in ages. Would you mind if I went on my own?" That would be fine and he knows that. But surely that would be acknowledged?
Any ideas?