How do you know when it is time to leave?

[OneTwinklyBird]

So when you have a list of small/big things they do that drive you mad. You feel like you're coexisting rather than in a relationship. You have nothing really to talk about except for life admin.

but they still make your favourite food on rare occasions as a surprise. The thought of hurting them makes you feel physically sick. The idea of not being with them
is just unthinkable and unbelievable.

bur you're living life hating it, thinking this can't be it... why do you do? How do you actually leave or decide it's the right thing? How do you hurt them and you like that? How do you know if it's actually what you want?

It looks a bit better today. He's annoyed about taking me tomorrow but will cross that bridge when we get there

I think once I'm better it has to be the end, but I'm not sure how easy it is to stay solid on that

Can I ask from here what would people do? Based just on the info I have given would they stay and accept things as they are, would they stay and try counselling etc. or is it done and head for hills?

Well from what you have told us your husband doesn't care about you, and is happy to see you suffer. I can't see that changing.

I feel that in your situation I would be , however slowly, making plans and putting things in place to make it possible to leave. Like - building my earning potential, strengthening my support networks, researching my legal position etc.

If I felt his behaviour was impacting my children, even simply by giving them a poor model for how couples should treat each other, that would add urgency to my planning process.

He doesn't appear to give a shit about you being in pain, he's nasty to you and dismissive, he doesn't listen to you and sees your injury as a nuisance. You're really ill and throw up all night - and he has a lie-in.

What's nice about him? He's not someone you could rely on in old age and ill health, so what kind of future is there in staying with him?

So yeah, my vote is end it.

Done and head for the hills.

I would go. Easier said than done though, i understand. Whatever you do will be understandable.

How are you doing now OP? Did you get to the appointment?

To answer your last post: what would I do? In your situation, I'd concentrate on recovery (with leg/health), and in the meantime start (quietly) making the plans/laying the foundations that would enable you to leave (or at least make things easier): basically the things that @DierdreDaphne posted. Once you've done that, at least you can take stock. Would I leave? Yes. This guy has shown you that he doesn't have your back. But then, I'm lucky enough to be fit and healthy and am able to work FT, can support myself and my DC on my salary.

I'll caveat that though with saying that I was married for some years and it took me too long to realise my situation, make plans, allow myself to even consider leaving and put proper boundaries in place. I kept trying to give final chances, beating myself up for not being a great wife (looking back, I was either completely insane or a saint to have put up with XH's nonsense for so long) etc. The things I did to try and make the marriage work, didn't work and he didn't change. So yes, very easy for people to just say LTB, but when you're faced with it, it's not always easy!