How do you know when it is time to leave?

[OneTwinklyBird]

So when you have a list of small/big things they do that drive you mad. You feel like you're coexisting rather than in a relationship. You have nothing really to talk about except for life admin.

but they still make your favourite food on rare occasions as a surprise. The thought of hurting them makes you feel physically sick. The idea of not being with them
is just unthinkable and unbelievable.

bur you're living life hating it, thinking this can't be it... why do you do? How do you actually leave or decide it's the right thing? How do you hurt them and you like that? How do you know if it's actually what you want?

Ps he's a wanker.

Why did he call?

Did you hear the conversation?

If you didn't, because of his attitude that you're making a fuss and his apparent indifference, I would not trust him that he actually made the call or explained your symptoms properly.

Bloody hell op of course it isn't fine..it looks horrific and wih the headache and vomiting, very dangerous.

I don't believe your arsehole of a husband communicated anything of what is going on with you to 111. For god's sake, ring them yourself.

Why on earth did you let him be the one to call 111? We’ve already established he’s a selfish wanker who doesn’t give a flying fuck about you. He’ll have minimised it to them just as he minimises it to you.

It wasn't really my choice.

i can't really call back now given he says they've said it's fine until Tuesday.

EDIT - just caught up.

he sounds like my sad act of an abusive ex. He is manipulating you and sounds very abusive. He does nothing for you and gas lights you when you notice the abuse confront him. Take it from me (single mum 2 young kids, homeless and working full time while paying off debts) it is so much easier than living with a man child. You can do it alone. Get it done. Your kids will grow and your life will come back!

Yes, you can and you should call back.

And if things like this “aren’t really your choice”, i.e. you’re in a controlling relationship, you should make plans to get out ASAP.

Did you actually hear him make the call and what he said about your symptoms?

It should be your choice. Why couldn't you make the phonecall for yourself? This is your health you're talking about.

If you're still so unwell, make another call. I daresay he'll be lying in bed all morning anyway.

Or is that risking him hurting you?

I didn't hear the conversation he took it outside

So for all you know he didn't mention half your symptoms or that you have this leg injury?

I don't want to keep badgering you but things you have said in this thread are:

• He tells me I'm attention seeking
• He still thinks I am overreacting about my leg, but I genuinely think it looks awful and hurts a lot
• He minimises his own illness as well.
• And I'm still in so much pain and he simply doesn't care.
• he isn't very good at hearing or understanding me. He hears what he thinks I'm saying or what he thinks I need if that makes sense

Given all the above, do you genuinely believe he will have reported your symptoms accurately to 111?

Idk what he'd get out of it. Me being sick doesn't benefit him.

I am in pain today. Think it might look worse

I will try and talk to him again

Benefits - who knows?

But he doesn't appear to give a damn if you're in pain or not.

Why do you need to talk to him? There's no reason you can't seek medical advice for yourself.

I mean abusive men have abandoned their partners on mountain tops or in the middle of scuba dives, why wouldn't obstructing or denying you medical care either through negligence or indifference or malignancy be a thing?

I'm feeling too unwell to really process anything rn

OP that looks awful and it looks to me as though it is getting worse . You really must call 111 yourself, tell them everything, and then do what they tell you to do.

Have you taken your temperature this afternoon? You must twll them you have a fever if you do, and that you are concerned about sepsis.

Idk he's told me I'm being dramatic and attention seeking, medical profs have told
him it's fine. I don't want to be called a hypochondriac or look like I am overly anxious by asking to contact someone agaib

WAKE UP @OneTwinklyBird

Why do you think he took the call outside rather than having it in front of you?

So that he can tell them it’s just a scratch, and tell you you’re overreacting.

This man does not have your best interests at heart.

CALL 111 YOURSELF.

OP I would be concerned about my next door neighbour if she had an injury like that never mind the person that I am meant to love above all others .
You need to get out of this relationship before it destroys yours and your children’s lives .

I've come in late to this thread. With your symptoms (and the look of your leg), that needs seeing straight away. I don't know if I believe that he even called 111. If he did, I'm betting he downplayed it. Is there an OOH place near you, or a hospital with an ED? I'm a nurse*, and I'd rather a patient gets something checked out promptly and it's found to be a small thing than leave things as they're too worried about what others would think. Better to get checked sooner and be given either a clean bill of health or an easy treatment, than risk leaving things to progress to something more serious. For future, that wound should be seen/managed by DNs or practice nurse.

Oh, and when you do get seen (I really hope you're heading off somewhere now), quietly let the HCPs know exactly what he's like. I'd be raising his attitude/behaviour as something like a safeguarding issue as he seems to be preventing you from getting treatment (I'd certainly be talking to our Safeguarding Matron about it for advice).

*NB I only work on an acute hospital ward, so my time in community is from the Dark Ages when I was a student nurse.

Dunno, has he taken life insurance out on you?

You need a doctor. Today. Go and see someone, go to A&E if you have too

Seriously this is very disordered thinking @OneTwinklyBird . That leg looks horrific, you need antibiotics at the very least, and you're more worried about "looking overly anxious".

I can tell you, there are a lot of us here who are anxious on your behalf. And I don't think we are hypochondriacs, we are anxious because you have a problem.

It's not "overly anxious" to seek help for a deteriorating health condition..It is just common sense.

You do have an appointment today, don't you?

Ohh I’ve just wrote a post similar to this. I’ve no idea the answers but I’ll be following this ♥️

I have an appointment for tomorrow afternoon. Original surgery involved removing but of muscle and gp is not keen to deal with so seeing dressing nurses at hospital