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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

(TW SA) 2nd thread (support)…

976 replies

ByPinkPoet0 · 02/04/2026 11:13

First thread www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5497497-trigger-husband-sa-why-cant-i-tell-him-and-why-do-i-feel-guilty

Huge thank you to everyone who has supported me in this so far. If you’ve got this far I really appreciate it. I read all the advice even if it seems like I don’t take it on board straight away. It’s been a difficult time of realisation for me.

I am making another thread so I can continue to post.

This is such a helpful outlet for me I’m so grateful ❤️

OP posts:
Thread gallery
12
NettleTea · 04/04/2026 11:55

also I know previously that you said that you were an adult so that makes it all as much yur equal responsibility as his - but I dont know if you can square the circle that there are two things amiss here. You may 'legally' be an adult at 18, and traditional society has you placed as full adult at 21, but your brain doesnt fully mature until you are 26 and then still takes some time to settle into its mature state.
Plus there is an age gap. Which makes a big difference. 12 years is a huge difference in brain maturity and life experience during the ages of late teen/early 20s and say 30/34. When I look at myself at 20 and look at myself at 34, they are absolute poles apart in what I thought I knew and who I gave authority over me, and what I had experienced in life.
I am assuming that you are not even quite at the point where he was when you met. But look at someone 12 years younger than yourself now. Do you think you are equal? would you be able to pass yourself off as an authority on things and they, trusting you had their best interests at heart, would they believe you.

You talk of wild times, but wild times are just a normal part of growing up. Be that drinking alot. Sleeping with many people. Taking recreational drugs. Running around in the street with your friends shrieking with laughter and tottering about in heels too high and skirts too short. Its fine. Its called being young.

And he did it too. And Im sure he enjoyed it as well.

But he seems to have used what was a normal part of both of your lives as a stick to emotionally guilt trip and beat you with. Firstly that you needed 'saving' from your wild past, that you should feel guilty about. And for him 'giving up the drinking' which he did for you, because it was , rightfully, causing issues between the partnership (let me guess, you stayed home like a nice girl, possibly looking after babies, while he continued his wild lifestyle to a slightly lesser extent, then came home and was abusive)

But easing up on those things is a normal part of a healthy relationship - its not some great saviour story, its what you do when you decide to settle down and have kids. The clue is in the words 'settle down'. Settling down from the party times, deciding that normal part of the courtship process is over, and together you are going to raise and look after a family.

You also say he was a player - which means he has had 12 years of experience of learning the gift of the gab, of how to manipulate, and to learn how to pull the emotional strings. He was primed and ready to target someone who was young, inexperienced and vulnerable, and that his charm worked and he was able to move so fast, especially with someone so recently violated and traumatised by another man, showed how he had perfected his technique and radar. Someone mentioned the shark cage analogy - its really worth taking a look at that. Its not your fault that he was able to target you, but because your boundaries were weak or non existent, things which seemed intense or romantic too you while you were being love bombed, would have been huge red flags to many.

So as others said, him looking after his kids is what a father is supposed to do. Its not helping you out - indeed if you are working, he SHOULD be doing 50-50 on all the household stuff. Very few men actually do, but he doesnt deserve a prize because he is playing a role in running a household.

And he isnt being equal, because you dont have any idea of the finances, only his work. For all you know he has been stashing thousands off the back of your labour and financial ignorance - if your wages pay for you and the kids, how do you know this is equitable, that you are making a contribution which gives both of you equal access to spare spending or saving money? Are you on the deeds of the house (it probably isnt relevant as you are married, so assets are yours too) but it would indicate if he sees all the assets as 'his'.

But the biggest issue is the silent control he exerts over you because of the violence that he has exhibited previously. He can fill your day with proclamations of love (which again is a huge red flag in itself because its really immature and childish, especially given where you currently are in the relationship - it feels patronising and placating, like the verbal equivalent of the bunch of flowers grabbed from the garage on the way home after doing something awful) rather than actual intentional deep engaging coupled with action. Are 'I love you/ your so pretty / I fancy you' all he really has got? Arent you embarrassed for him? Does he actually know who you are?

NettleTea · 04/04/2026 12:08

I also read something else recently

an abusive man makes you feel responsible and guilty for his wants and issues

That triggers a mothering response. Its natural to feel like you want to fix things for them, and that plays into their benefit and their abdication of personal responsibility, it also makes their blame and anger stronger, so the circle goes on.

This has another effect, that when a woman tries to leave a man that has done this to her, it often feels like abandoning her own child, hence why it is so hard.

She needs to unpick the mothering from her relationship with him, recognise that he is an adult making adult choices autonomously about his behaviour and actions. She needs to recognise that he, not her, is responsible for his feelings and actions around his feelings..

She is NOT his mother. Her responsibility is towards her actual children. He is the cuckoo in the nest, and as dangerous to her and her children as that cuckoo. His aim is to force everything the woman has to be directed to him, even if it destroys her in doing so. His wants need feeding, and thats his sole reason for being there. Anything he can do to keep his supply going he will do.

Recognise the cuckoo and push it out.

ScrollingLeaves · 04/04/2026 12:17

PinkPoet
What @NettleTea · said Today 11:55
is so wise and could really give you some bearings.

shoppingred54 · 04/04/2026 12:32

@NettleTea round of applause. You’ve said back there exactly what I couldn’t put into words.

I was ‘wild’ and partying well into my 30s. Shocking, I know. Struggling through menopause with teens now, mind you. Not the best combination!

I feel like the OP has missed out on a huge part of growing up.

OP he has chipped away at your self-esteem for well over a decade. You need to work on your self worth and start putting yourself first. Imagine your child was describing parts of your life as theirs, you’d be horrified. You deserve so much more than this. I can’t stress this enough. That’s why the support of other women is so important. If I was your friend and you felt you couldn’t speak to me, I’d feel like I’d seriously let you down. Your husband sounds like he’s part of the Manosphere.

ByPinkPoet0 · 04/04/2026 13:20

@NettleTea
your post describes him so well, you are on the money. I couldn’t believe what I was reading - it’s like you know him/us / our relationship!

I have thought about the age gap a lot more recently as I am a simailr age now as we were when he met me, and I agree that the difference is huge: I’m a totally different person.

The alcohol thing is another issue that I’ve had more in the forefront of my mind lately since I’ve been feeling like this and I’ve been thinking about every part of our relationship. When he used to drink heavily this is the only time I would be truly frightened of him. I remember occasions where he’d be shouting , calling me vile things, throwing stuff and towering over me yelling while I was crouching in the corner. After one particularly bad incident i left and went to my friends house (the one know doesn’t like him much). The next day he came round and promised to give up drinking, and he did. A few weeks after he flew me on a trip and proposed. This was probably a year into our relationship.

Since he quit drinking nothing has ever seemed as bad as that and I always thought that when he stopped that part of him somehow just left. That it was all the booze. That he quit drinking for me and that was an amazing achievement and showed how much he wanted to make it work. I was so proud of him. It feels very childish to write it all out Now.

OP posts:
ByPinkPoet0 · 04/04/2026 13:34

I’m sorry I know this probably comes across like word vomit and doesn’t make a huge amount of sense but I’m finding it very helpful to get my thoughts and memories down.

It might sounds unbelievably stupid but it’s only now that I’m starting to connect these incidents and things that have happened in the last decade and think , I’m not sure if this is quite right.

Im 100% guilty of thinking , well that was only once, or twice, he’s changed. I see what I want to see .
Plus he did change , in a way. Things improved a lot after the drinking stopped. But maybe they just changed and I didn’t see it.

Since we had the kids all close together as well I think a lot of things have been in a bit of a fog in my memory for a long time

sorry guys I know this is probably shitty to read

OP posts:
YourOliveBalonz · 04/04/2026 13:53

His behaviour while drunk is significant because I’m sure both of you have discussed and put that down to the alcoholism. However, what part of being drunk, of being an alcoholic, causes this?

“I remember occasions where he’d be shouting , calling me vile things, throwing stuff and towering over me yelling while I was crouching in the corner”

Yes the alcohol lowered his inhibitions, a bit like how stress lowers it enough for his monthly outbursts, but the alcohol doesn’t cause that, that’s the real him getting out. A lot of us have been steaming drunk and may regret our uninhibited behaviour but it doesn’t turn us into abusive a-holes! That is just already there.

I think between your own youth, his pattern of abuse from the offset, and you being kept in a cycle of pregnancy and caring for young children, you haven’t had a moment to think about any of it. Clearly that moment has come now, and you are coming out of the fog. I know you are confused and suffering but one day you may look back on this time as the beginning of the rest of your life.

NettleTea · 04/04/2026 14:10

Yes I was told I was so far in the woods I couldnt see the trees, so busy firefighting each new trauma or event, while juggling looking after my baby/child that I didnt have the breathing space and time to see that I could just step away.

My therapist told me that many people came to her with relationship problems to resolve.

With me, my relationship WAS the problem, and once that was gone I could concentrate on myself and healing from it, and understanding where my thinking patterns were wrong, so that it didnt happen again.

DropOfffArtiste · 04/04/2026 14:13

And this is what your kids will be experiencing now

"I remember occasions where he’d be shouting , calling me vile things, throwing stuff and towering over me yelling while I was crouching in the corner”

NettleTea · 04/04/2026 14:20

Plus he hasnt completely changed, because he still has outbursts and shouts vile things. He is still intolerant of childrens noise and mess. He still drives in a terrifying way to frighten you all into behaving in the car. Now he blames work stress rather than alcohol. It may not happen as often, but its still happening.

Maybe he realised that he had crossed a line. I dont think he lost control, I think he did it because he wanted to, because everything abvout him screams absolute control. He chooses when to lose it. And to frighten you all back into submission.

he is nice when everything is going sunningly and there is no annoyance and conflict in his world - irrespective of what is going on in everyone elses world.

Most people can be really lovely when that is happening.

the test of loveliness is what happens when things go wrong. And thats when you see whether they are really nice, or how they deal with conflict or disagreement.

because a partnership is supposed to be a two way street, not one person dictating the rules and everyone else jumping to their tune because they are scared of the consequences. They can be happy and smiley and fun, all while everyoone is doing as they are told, confident that nothing unpleasant, like crying or rejection will come their way, because everyone remembers what happened the last time.

And as the kids get older they will push more buttons - they will argue, they will have more of their own opinions, they will naturally rebel. This is normal and in a healthy household these things can be managed but I just dont see it happening in your house. You will try, Im sure, to allow them to grow into themselves. To express themselves. To have differing opinions without being shouted down or ridiculed. Im unsure your husband will tolerate such digression.

WallaceinAnderland · 04/04/2026 15:59

OP from your last thread I will try to have this conversation. It will be tough- I don’t think he will be angry. He never is when we have these big conversations which is what makes me feel so heard and loved.

You do realise that he loves these big conversations because they always lead to sex. He is mentally rubbing his hands with glee when you finally pluck up the courage to talk to him about your concerns.

Also, regarding the shouting, slamming, name calling and aggression at the children, you don't seem to understand that this is as bad as hitting them.

If he was hitting them and then saying sorry and offering cuddles, about once a month, would you still want to stay with him?

Punch, sorry, cuddle, punch, sorry, cuddle, punch, sorry, cuddle, punch...

This is the nice-nasty cycle that posters have explained and your kids are in it as much as you are.

Your situation reminds me of the song Black Heart.

I don't like it when you break me, honey
Why'd you have to do that?
Tell me when you make these tears keep fallin'
Do you feel like a man?
Figure, figure, there's no working you out whatsoever
Only one way I could sum you up all together
You've got a black heart
Daddy, I've fallen for a monster
Somehow he's scaring me to death
He's big and he's bad
I love him like mad
Mamma, he's the best I ever had
Daddy, I've fallen for a monster
He got a black heart

Terrribletwos · 04/04/2026 16:07

@ByPinkPoet0 well from all you have disclosed from him, he's definitely got a black heart!

I am glad you are here and working through it. It must be a turmoil in your heart, I have no doubt.

augustusglupe · 04/04/2026 16:11

DropOfffArtiste · 04/04/2026 14:13

And this is what your kids will be experiencing now

"I remember occasions where he’d be shouting , calling me vile things, throwing stuff and towering over me yelling while I was crouching in the corner”

Yes…10/10, fun dad apparently 😕

Terrribletwos · 04/04/2026 16:36

augustusglupe · 04/04/2026 16:11

Yes…10/10, fun dad apparently 😕

These are things since she's brought up since being here so obviously there's a lot going on. Your comment is minimising her current circumstances and so unnecessary.

DoesthislookgoodOnMe · 04/04/2026 16:41

@ByPinkPoet0 I am glad you decided to keep posting for support. I was so worried about it you going it alone to be honest, not because you are weak but because he is a beast. Speaking your truth hurts at times. But it helps you see things differently. I hope you get a bit of mental rest this weekend x

NettleTea · 04/04/2026 16:44

I think you are amazingly strong to keep posting, as I can imagine that what you are seeing in the nice cycle is really hard to square with what people are saying here.
It will be hard for you.
But you have taken some huge steps.
Im really proud of how far you have come, and I really believe in how far you can go

shoppingred54 · 04/04/2026 16:51

Me too OP. I remember seeing your very first thread and watching your epiphany. This will not be easy, but you will get through this. You are smart with a good heart. I just wish you’d speak to someone in real life x

NettleTea · 04/04/2026 16:51

ByPinkPoet0 · 04/04/2026 13:20

@NettleTea
your post describes him so well, you are on the money. I couldn’t believe what I was reading - it’s like you know him/us / our relationship!

I have thought about the age gap a lot more recently as I am a simailr age now as we were when he met me, and I agree that the difference is huge: I’m a totally different person.

The alcohol thing is another issue that I’ve had more in the forefront of my mind lately since I’ve been feeling like this and I’ve been thinking about every part of our relationship. When he used to drink heavily this is the only time I would be truly frightened of him. I remember occasions where he’d be shouting , calling me vile things, throwing stuff and towering over me yelling while I was crouching in the corner. After one particularly bad incident i left and went to my friends house (the one know doesn’t like him much). The next day he came round and promised to give up drinking, and he did. A few weeks after he flew me on a trip and proposed. This was probably a year into our relationship.

Since he quit drinking nothing has ever seemed as bad as that and I always thought that when he stopped that part of him somehow just left. That it was all the booze. That he quit drinking for me and that was an amazing achievement and showed how much he wanted to make it work. I was so proud of him. It feels very childish to write it all out Now.

just because something is 75% shit compared to full on scary 100% shit doesnt mean its not shit.

my abuse was nowhere near yours, and it was having my daughter that made me make the break after 2 years.

I just didnt want her to normalise his volatile outbursts. He didnt hit me. he didnt drink. But his scary shouting and chucking stuff around kept me in check. He did go on to violently assault the next 2. One of them ended up leaving in the middle of the night with a friend of his who rescued her. That man WAS a decent bloke though and theyve been happily married for 20 years now.

but I didnt want my daughter to think this is what relationships look like. Yes she was scared of him later - but thats a normal response, because his behaviour WAS scary. and for a long time she didnt see him at all. And she grew confident because I gave her a safe space to grow and built her confidence so that now she chooses to see him, and if he fucks about, he finds out, because she wont see him again. So now he chooses to behave around her and they have a reasonable relationship. That would never have happened if we had not got away when she was little.
Saying that she did have alot of therapy, even for the what she had experienced, and did experience until the point where I stopped contact

AyzumSkayzum · 04/04/2026 17:13

OP, I'm sorry to ask, but were your children all conceived with consent? You've mentioned you were very young, and that some of them are close in age. Was the sex wanted? Were the pregnancies planned?

Edited to clarify that I am not in any way suggesting that your children are unwanted now. I just have wondered about the circumstances around their conception.

augustusglupe · 04/04/2026 17:47

Terrribletwos · 04/04/2026 16:36

These are things since she's brought up since being here so obviously there's a lot going on. Your comment is minimising her current circumstances and so unnecessary.

Minimising?! It’s the opposite!! My heart breaks for those children. I’m despairing at the level of denial to what a monster this man is.

DropOfffArtiste · 04/04/2026 18:07

Pink Poet has come a long way in terms of realisation in a very short time. This is a huge amount to process but she is still engaging with the thread, therapy and resources shared. It takes time to get your head around a complete shift in your world view since being a young adult.

This man has been very successful in manipulating and deceiving.

Hhhwgroadk · 04/04/2026 20:13

I would say he has "brainwashed" OP. SA is a known technique used in torture and OP has been trying to deny it is happening to preserve her sanity.

Hopefully Poet will soon be able to see the full extent of his actions and leave safely with the DC and protect them from him.

ByPinkPoet0 · 04/04/2026 22:52

WallaceinAnderland · 04/04/2026 15:59

OP from your last thread I will try to have this conversation. It will be tough- I don’t think he will be angry. He never is when we have these big conversations which is what makes me feel so heard and loved.

You do realise that he loves these big conversations because they always lead to sex. He is mentally rubbing his hands with glee when you finally pluck up the courage to talk to him about your concerns.

Also, regarding the shouting, slamming, name calling and aggression at the children, you don't seem to understand that this is as bad as hitting them.

If he was hitting them and then saying sorry and offering cuddles, about once a month, would you still want to stay with him?

Punch, sorry, cuddle, punch, sorry, cuddle, punch, sorry, cuddle, punch...

This is the nice-nasty cycle that posters have explained and your kids are in it as much as you are.

Your situation reminds me of the song Black Heart.

I don't like it when you break me, honey
Why'd you have to do that?
Tell me when you make these tears keep fallin'
Do you feel like a man?
Figure, figure, there's no working you out whatsoever
Only one way I could sum you up all together
You've got a black heart
Daddy, I've fallen for a monster
Somehow he's scaring me to death
He's big and he's bad
I love him like mad
Mamma, he's the best I ever had
Daddy, I've fallen for a monster
He got a black heart

I know this song! It does ring true sometimes. Thanks for your reply x

OP posts:
ByPinkPoet0 · 04/04/2026 22:54

DropOfffArtiste · 04/04/2026 18:07

Pink Poet has come a long way in terms of realisation in a very short time. This is a huge amount to process but she is still engaging with the thread, therapy and resources shared. It takes time to get your head around a complete shift in your world view since being a young adult.

This man has been very successful in manipulating and deceiving.

Thank you, it means a lot. But I do understand some people think I am being useless

OP posts:
ByPinkPoet0 · 04/04/2026 22:57

AyzumSkayzum · 04/04/2026 17:13

OP, I'm sorry to ask, but were your children all conceived with consent? You've mentioned you were very young, and that some of them are close in age. Was the sex wanted? Were the pregnancies planned?

Edited to clarify that I am not in any way suggesting that your children are unwanted now. I just have wondered about the circumstances around their conception.

Edited

The first two were planned and had a reasonable gap. After that we didn’t use contraception and was sort of not trying but not preventing. This is also how I conceived last year but sadly that ended in a loss.

He doesn’t like condoms much and I don’t like hormonal contraception so we were both a bit irresponsible really but I can’t say it was all him at all. I was very guilty of thinking well if it happens it happens mentality. I love the pregnancy, new baby period. It’s when I’m happiest.

OP posts:
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