Yesterday was a big day in terms of emotions for me. I spoke to my my best friend on the phone on the way home from work and it was hard telling her what’s going on but I did. She was very worried about what’s been happening, but supportive and reassured me that I have every right to be upset. She also encouraged me to keep going to therapy and said she’s always there for me , etc etc , although she lives a long way away.
I also had another face to face therapy session after asking her a lot of questions about confidentiality! I did manage to vocalise most of what’s been going on and she was a good listener. She wanted me to think about why if I am really afraid of him or afraid of destroying our life as we know it. Which I thought was interesting. I cried ALOT in the session and I felt like it was a huge weight off.
When I got home he asked me how the session was as I told him. I told him, while being careful with words, that I felt he was still overstepping my boundaries by starting sex acts when I’m still sleeping and I am feeling pressured to consent because of the position I’m already in. He seemed genuinely shocked and said he really thought I was into it. I’m not sure what to think about that. I’m not sure what kind of vibes I’m giving off.
as always thank you for the amazing support ❤️ you are right that I am not ready to make any decisions yet. The truth is I am still hugely in love with him and the thought of having to live without him actually feels worse than what is currently happening. Sorry if this is horrible to read but I’m encouraged to be honest by PPs and not just say what I think people want to hear. Our connection is very strong and whether that’s a trauma bond or what , it feels very real to me.