Page 20 | (TW SA) 2nd thread (support)…

ByPinkPoet0 · 2026-04-02T10:13:01+00:00

First thread https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5497497-trigger-husband-sa-why-cant-i-tell-him-and-why-do-i-feel-guilty *Huge thank you to everyone who has supported me in this so far. If you’ve got this far I really appreciate it. I read all the advice even if it seems like I don’t take it on board straight away. It’s been a difficult time of realisation for me. * I am making another thread so I can continue to post. This is such a helpful outlet for me I’m so grateful ❤️

PinkPoetAgain · 10/04/2026 11:06

SaltyCara · 10/04/2026 10:04

This is the dissociation that I mentioned previously. Your brain cannot believe what is happening and is trying to protect you. Keep posting here to ground yourself (do you remember I said my colleague used to ask me to tell her mundane stuff like to list out my jumpers by colour).

What do you feel you can do right now? Can you try to make a GP appointment, say for a UTI as someone suggested? Can you try to contact your local domestic abuse association as I posted above? Could you contact your friend, send her a link to this thread so someone on the outside of the situation knows exactly what's happening?

Please reach out however you can. We are all cheering you on.

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Disassociated is very much how I feel at the moment. Ive not really experienced it before

very disconnected, going through the motions

PinotPony · 10/04/2026 11:19

PinkPoetAgain · 10/04/2026 11:03

Thank you I will go back and look at it now
I am a bit anxious about going to the gp , I hardly ever go and I don’t find them very easy to talk to or understanding

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If you go on the pretext of a UTI or emergency contraception, you can hand the GP a written note during the appointment. That might be easier than having to say the words out loud, especially if you think you might not be able to do it. Believe us, a GP will take you seriously.

PinotPony · 10/04/2026 11:20

throwawayimplantchat · 10/04/2026 09:56

And OP whenever you speak to someone about this, don’t mention just the specific incident. You need to share the whole picture. This is your big chance. You could say something like this or even read the below out loud or show it to them if it’s too hard to say out loud.

“My husband has been sexually assaulting me in my sleep for a long time. He raped me when I was heavily pregnant. He is controlling and I’m frightened of his moods. When he is angry he scares me and the children with his explosive temper, name calling and driving dangerously and I need help. He sexually assaulted me again last night and I feel like his behaviour is escalating.”

This wording is perfect.

Goldenmimx · 10/04/2026 11:23

I am so, so sorry you are going through this Pink Poet. It must all feel so insurmountable and such a huge thing to process. I just wanted to link this in case you weren’t already aware of it:

https://refuge.org.uk/

Refuge, the UK's largest specialist domestic abuse organisation

Empowering women to live without violence & fear. Refuge is the largest domestic abuse organisation in the UK. Supporting thousands of women & their children overcome the physical, emotional, financial impacts of abuse.

https://refuge.org.uk/

PinkPoetAgain · 10/04/2026 11:45

Goldenmimx · 10/04/2026 11:23

I am so, so sorry you are going through this Pink Poet. It must all feel so insurmountable and such a huge thing to process. I just wanted to link this in case you weren’t already aware of it:

https://refuge.org.uk/

Thank you everyone for your continued support ❤️ I will update when I can x

ScrollingLeaves · 10/04/2026 11:50

PinotPony · 10/04/2026 11:19

If you go on the pretext of a UTI or emergency contraception, you can hand the GP a written note during the appointment. That might be easier than having to say the words out loud, especially if you think you might not be able to do it. Believe us, a GP will take you seriously.

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Make sure you ask for a female one.

ScrollingLeaves · 10/04/2026 11:52

PinkPoetAgain · 10/04/2026 10:11

I’ve asked another good friend if I can see her with the children tomorrow. I don’t think he will want to come to that. I can try and talk
to her about it. Her husband does know him but I think I can trust her not to say anything.

I have had a look and no gp apps today on the booking system. I don’t know if I would have the conviction to explain it anyway.

I could say I need to get the morning after pill

Ask for an emergency appointment and say you may have a uti.

ScrollingLeaves · 10/04/2026 11:53

augustusglupe · 10/04/2026 10:40

Please be careful who you talk to. I’d only trust a GP tbh.
That’s the safest option, especially now.

I agree.

PinkPoetAgain · 10/04/2026 12:57

The most hurtful thing is he has mentioned it a few times in a flirty way, even infront of people we are with.
e.g. I was yawning and said I was tired, he said I didn’t hear you complaining last night , I know what you like , you wanted it

Just makes me feel sick and anxious. I keep thinking how much bigger and heavier he was than me. Even if he didn’t know I was scared he must have realised how degrading it was for me and not at all reciprocated.

He’s either a really good actor or he just doesn’t see the issue and he doesn’t care as you say. He is completely normal today, happy, overly affectionate if anything

DropOfffArtiste · 10/04/2026 13:01

I'm so sorry PinkPoet. He enjoys humiliating and hurting you.

BuckChuckets · 10/04/2026 13:01

@ByPinkPoet0 he's a sociopath, jesus christ. Making jokes about raping you in front of other people (obviously not making actual 'rape jokes', but that's what he did), and he's confident enough that he can keep doing it to you without consequence that he's joking about it.

annoyedatlandlord · 10/04/2026 13:03

He is deliberately messing with your mind. The good thing is you can see it clearly now. That's a strange thing to say in front of friends even if it were true - how are they reacting?

hiyapalll · 10/04/2026 13:05

PinkPoetAgain · 10/04/2026 12:57

The most hurtful thing is he has mentioned it a few times in a flirty way, even infront of people we are with.
e.g. I was yawning and said I was tired, he said I didn’t hear you complaining last night , I know what you like , you wanted it

Just makes me feel sick and anxious. I keep thinking how much bigger and heavier he was than me. Even if he didn’t know I was scared he must have realised how degrading it was for me and not at all reciprocated.

He’s either a really good actor or he just doesn’t see the issue and he doesn’t care as you say. He is completely normal today, happy, overly affectionate if anything

This is sickening. I’m so glad you’re seeing this for what it is and not pushing it to the back of your mind. What a fucking twisted individual he is. If you can’t get away this weekend please make a plan for Monday. Like others have said it’s time, you know this can’t continue.

shoppingred54 · 10/04/2026 13:05

This is what he does every time, Poet. He’s only interested in himself. I’m sorry that you love him because he sounds like a total knob. If I was a woman in his company when he’s ‘boasting’ like this I would feel very uncomfortable. How old are the people you are with - are they his age? You said your acquaintances are his friends. I hate all this macho behaviour. He knows what he does. You cannot talk yourself out of this, Poet. Don’t doubt yourself. You need to get help.

PinkPoetAgain · 10/04/2026 13:09

annoyedatlandlord · 10/04/2026 13:03

He is deliberately messing with your mind. The good thing is you can see it clearly now. That's a strange thing to say in front of friends even if it were true - how are they reacting?

It’s said in a jokey way - it’s his friends and their wives and families.
Its not out of character for him to make vague sex jokes or talk about me being keen to get him home or how I’ve been watching Bridgerton and doesn’t he know it wink wink

Im sure you can imagine
yes his age

DropOfffArtiste · 10/04/2026 13:14

I know you said he isn't a creep to anyone else, but I bet the wives are rolling their eyes at these kind of comments and crossing the room to avoid being next to him.

PinkPoetAgain · 10/04/2026 13:17

DropOfffArtiste · 10/04/2026 13:01

I'm so sorry PinkPoet. He enjoys humiliating and hurting you.

I’m starting to think you might be right with this :(

bigboykitty · 10/04/2026 13:19

PinkPoetAgain · 10/04/2026 12:57

The most hurtful thing is he has mentioned it a few times in a flirty way, even infront of people we are with.
e.g. I was yawning and said I was tired, he said I didn’t hear you complaining last night , I know what you like , you wanted it

Just makes me feel sick and anxious. I keep thinking how much bigger and heavier he was than me. Even if he didn’t know I was scared he must have realised how degrading it was for me and not at all reciprocated.

He’s either a really good actor or he just doesn’t see the issue and he doesn’t care as you say. He is completely normal today, happy, overly affectionate if anything

Yes, he's doing that on purpose. If you decide to report him, he will say it was entirely consensual and we even joked about it to x,y and z when we had a lovely day out the following day.

TwistedWonder · 10/04/2026 13:19

DropOfffArtiste · 10/04/2026 13:14

I know you said he isn't a creep to anyone else, but I bet the wives are rolling their eyes at these kind of comments and crossing the room to avoid being next to him.

Agree. If a 40 year old man in my circle was making comments about how much his wife was up for sex last night I can guarantee all of the women and some of them men would think he was a complete and utter classless twat

bigboykitty · 10/04/2026 13:20

Maybe try a really stern face and 'that's not at all how it was'. That should shut him up.

TwistedWonder · 10/04/2026 13:20

PinkPoetAgain · 10/04/2026 13:17

I’m starting to think you might be right with this :(

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He definitely is. He enjoys your discomfort pain and humiliation.

It fits his whole MO of abusive behaviour and control

DropOfffArtiste · 10/04/2026 13:21

bigboykitty · 10/04/2026 13:20

Maybe try a really stern face and 'that's not at all how it was'. That should shut him up.

I think keep quiet about it today if you can. Provoking him will just cause more trouble.

bigboykitty · 10/04/2026 13:21

He knows his behaviour is increasingly risky and he's creating a false narrative, just as he did last night.

Babyboomtastic · 10/04/2026 13:21

It's also his way of showing you that he has the power over you, even when in company. It's a reminder. He's horrible.

SharpSheep · 10/04/2026 13:24

Sorry Pink Poet but what an absolute hole you are married to.

He is obviously enjoying himself, it's just another way to humiliate you.

Last night you put a clear line in front of your body- You said you didn't want sex for a couple of weeks because your body hurts from the sex he is 'doing ' to you.
Then again at bedtime you said 'no' I dont want to help you have a wank (as this then leads to sex).

Then in the middle of the night whilst you slept, he got on top of your body and crossed the line that you had presented to him twice.
He heard what you said when you said it but he decided that what you want doesnt really matter.

I think it might be fair to say he enjoys it when you dont want to have sex. It turns him on. He likes to see you cry afterwards when you tell him how upset he makes you.

He enjoys saying these things out loud in the light of day about you wanting it because it makes him feel better about what he has done and somehow makes you complicit in the act that happened the night before.

I dont care how nice he is when things are good. This is not a man I (or most other women) would want to spend my life with. Not for all the money in the world.

Your husband is one big glaring red flag.