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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

(TW SA) 2nd thread (support)…

976 replies

ByPinkPoet0 · 02/04/2026 11:13

First thread www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5497497-trigger-husband-sa-why-cant-i-tell-him-and-why-do-i-feel-guilty

Huge thank you to everyone who has supported me in this so far. If you’ve got this far I really appreciate it. I read all the advice even if it seems like I don’t take it on board straight away. It’s been a difficult time of realisation for me.

I am making another thread so I can continue to post.

This is such a helpful outlet for me I’m so grateful ❤️

OP posts:
Thread gallery
12
throwawayimplantchat · 10/04/2026 09:56

And OP whenever you speak to someone about this, don’t mention just the specific incident. You need to share the whole picture. This is your big chance. You could say something like this or even read the below out loud or show it to them if it’s too hard to say out loud.

“My husband has been sexually assaulting me in my sleep for a long time. He raped me when I was heavily pregnant. He is controlling and I’m frightened of his moods. When he is angry he scares me and the children with his explosive temper, name calling and driving dangerously and I need help. He sexually assaulted me again last night and I feel like his behaviour is escalating.”

NettleTea · 10/04/2026 10:01

it seems to be all boots branches

SharpSheep · 10/04/2026 10:02

The manner in which he is having sex with you is very concerning to me.
It's rough and it is degrading and painful to you- it makes you sore.

What's to say one night he goes too far and puts the pressure on your body (or neck) so that you stop breathing? Men have killed their partners during sex and then when it has gone to court they have argued that their partners enjoyed sex like that.

If you can at least tell someone like your gp or the gp nurse that he is doing this then at least one other 'official' person knows- it's in your notes , it's officially on file. You DON'T LIKE what he is doing to you, he is abusing you.

I agree with what other posters have said- contact doc surgery and tell them you have what you think is a uti and you are in a lot of pain. Then when you have secured an appointment please tell them that you are suffering sexual abuse in your own home.

I know we don't know you in real life pink poet but we are rallying round you in the only way we can.

SaltyCara · 10/04/2026 10:04

PinkPoetAgain · 10/04/2026 09:51

It all just feels really hard. I just want to lay in bed and sleep. I feel like im sort of floating through the day. Everything is normal

But not :(

This is the dissociation that I mentioned previously. Your brain cannot believe what is happening and is trying to protect you. Keep posting here to ground yourself (do you remember I said my colleague used to ask me to tell her mundane stuff like to list out my jumpers by colour).

What do you feel you can do right now? Can you try to make a GP appointment, say for a UTI as someone suggested? Can you try to contact your local domestic abuse association as I posted above? Could you contact your friend, send her a link to this thread so someone on the outside of the situation knows exactly what's happening?

Please reach out however you can. We are all cheering you on.

PinkPoetAgain · 10/04/2026 10:11

I’ve asked another good friend if I can see her with the children tomorrow. I don’t think he will want to come to that. I can try and talk
to her about it. Her husband does know him but I think I can trust her not to say anything.

I have had a look and no gp apps today on the booking system. I don’t know if I would have the conviction to explain it anyway.

I could say I need to get the morning after pill

shoppingred54 · 10/04/2026 10:12

Pinkpoet call the GP, it’s an urgent appointment because you feel a UTI coming on and have a terrible headache that’s lasted for days, you must see a GP. Insist. And if they say no all appts full, whisper that you need help. You can do this.

There won’t be a scene. You need to record that this is happening to you.

throwawayimplantchat · 10/04/2026 10:16

Oh OP you mention the morning after pill, is there a chance you aren’t covered contraception wise? Does he know that? I worry he’s trying to get you pregnant again on top of everything else.

shoppingred54 · 10/04/2026 10:18

I don’t believe speaking to a friend’s wife is beneficial in these circumstances. She will not know what to do for you. A GP will know what to do here. That needs to happen today, the same thing is going to happen to you on Sat or Sun night.

shoppingred54 · 10/04/2026 10:19

And ask to get an IUD or an implant rather than the pill.

throwawayimplantchat · 10/04/2026 10:23

PinkPoetAgain · 10/04/2026 10:11

I’ve asked another good friend if I can see her with the children tomorrow. I don’t think he will want to come to that. I can try and talk
to her about it. Her husband does know him but I think I can trust her not to say anything.

I have had a look and no gp apps today on the booking system. I don’t know if I would have the conviction to explain it anyway.

I could say I need to get the morning after pill

You need to speak to a professional now my love, this is beyond the pay grade of a friend. You need to get to the GP or police and tell them everything, not just one bit but everything. You can do this, you need to for your children x

bigboykitty · 10/04/2026 10:26

shoppingred54 · 10/04/2026 10:19

And ask to get an IUD or an implant rather than the pill.

OP is covered, if you read the thread. She is looking for a reason she can use to go to a GP appointment today.

PinkPoetAgain · 10/04/2026 10:29

throwawayimplantchat · 10/04/2026 10:16

Oh OP you mention the morning after pill, is there a chance you aren’t covered contraception wise? Does he know that? I worry he’s trying to get you pregnant again on top of everything else.

I’m still on the first pill packet but near the end so should be working by now according to google

PinkPoetAgain · 10/04/2026 10:32

We are driving to see friends , already on the way. Planned for ages . Will be very hard for me to get away today .

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 10/04/2026 10:33

I very much doubt that you will find the words to tell tomorrows friend that you are being raped by your husband on a regular basis, with several children around.

You may be better asking her to keep an extra eye on all these children whilst you make your phone call to whichever sexual and domestic abuse charity you choose.

augustusglupe · 10/04/2026 10:40

Please be careful who you talk to. I’d only trust a GP tbh.
That’s the safest option, especially now.

throwawayimplantchat · 10/04/2026 10:42

augustusglupe · 10/04/2026 10:40

Please be careful who you talk to. I’d only trust a GP tbh.
That’s the safest option, especially now.

I agree. I would not tell anyone now in real life other than a professional. It’s time x

TwistedWonder · 10/04/2026 10:45

I agree. This is way beyond telling a friend who will be completely out of her depth and probably minimise out of panic which will add to your thoughts that it’s not that bad

You absolutely need to talk to a professional whether that’s a GP, domestic abuse charity or the police. This is way beyond what a friend can deal with

PinkPoetAgain · 10/04/2026 10:47

throwawayimplantchat · 10/04/2026 10:42

I agree. I would not tell anyone now in real life other than a professional. It’s time x

Show quote history

If I do tell the gp (who I don’t really have a regular one so not someone I trust particularly or knows me) what will happen? What will they do??

PinkPoetAgain · 10/04/2026 10:47

I will call women’s aid as soon as I can . Maybe tomorrow if he goes to the gym. It’s just the kids are always around

do they have a chat service do you know? I can’t find anything

bigboykitty · 10/04/2026 10:49

They will document what you have disclosed. Talk to you about what needs to happen. Potentially contact the police and local DV service and keep you safe at the surgery until help arrives.

shoppingred54 · 10/04/2026 10:55

Disclosing to a GP is not an indication that you want removed from the house. It will be a direct route into services that can support you through this.

It will also be a record that this is happening to you because if something sinister happens - which is a serious threat now - they will have notes. I linked to an NHS earlier, there’s a video down the page that will be helpful to you.

YourOliveBalonz · 10/04/2026 10:58

Put it this way, even if you aren’t feeling like you can actually leave now, putting things on record will help when that time comes.

bigboykitty · 10/04/2026 11:02

I would expect them to also ask you what you want to happen. If you don't want to report immediately they would likely want to see you again for an update in a week. It will depend on what you say and on the GP.

PinkPoetAgain · 10/04/2026 11:03

shoppingred54 · 10/04/2026 10:55

Disclosing to a GP is not an indication that you want removed from the house. It will be a direct route into services that can support you through this.

It will also be a record that this is happening to you because if something sinister happens - which is a serious threat now - they will have notes. I linked to an NHS earlier, there’s a video down the page that will be helpful to you.

Edited

Thank you I will go back and look at it now
I am a bit anxious about going to the gp , I hardly ever go and I don’t find them very easy to talk to or understanding