Would he really be that stupid?

[Adviceseeker35]

My husband separated from me a couple of months ago but we still live in the same house, while he decides what happens next. He's just had a card delivered to the house that's an anniversary card saying "let's be weird together forever". The envelope arrived in a right state which is why I could see it. It's blank for him to fill out. Our anniversary isn't for ages. Despite everything I've always said that he wouldn't cheat on me and I said seeing someone while we were still in the same house was a line that couldn't be cross. Would be really he that stupid to send a card to the house?

Regardless of who this card is for, you're worth more than being someone's plan B. Your husband is openly telling you this and you shouldn't stand for it. Why does he get all the power? Probably because he's worked away at your self esteem with crappy behaviour over the years but you can decide to draw your own line in the sand and I sincerely hope you do.

How very magnanimous of him. And what, you’re just waiting around for him to make a decision ? Kindly OP, you’re enabling his shitty behaviour and now with the arrival of the card, you’re finding out how little respect he has for you. I think it’s time for big girl knickers. Tell him you’re not waiting around for him any longer and start divorce proceedings.

@RavenFinch can people sue each other for adultery?

Is it adultery if the couple are separated?

Hopefully OP is filling in the divorce form and planning her blissful, free future.

Yes. He is that stupid. I'm sorry. The DH father of my kids left and came back a few times - he was cheating on me with someone 13 years younger.

tell him time's up, he needs to move out. You find a good family law solicitor ❤️ and allow yourself to grieve

Sadly I think you do have an idiot here. Think he’s having his cake and eating it too while he lives in the house with you both ‘separated’ ie he is free to do as he likes yet keeps you hanging on with the ‘working out how he feels’ line. I think he’s just testing to see if the grass is greener and/or trying to effectively have the open marriage he was going on about ie he has some of the practical benefits of marriage re living in the same house but is ‘free’ to seek sex elsewhere as you are supposedly separated (whatever he might say). Dont get hung up on the card. He’d already shown himself to be an idiot. I think you need to focus on you and not hang about while he messes about. He needs to go. He doesn’t hold all the cards. Tell him you have thought about how you feel and you no longer want to be with him so he needs to move out. You deserve better. Good luck.

Take back control OP. This is your evidence so tell him to leave so he can carry on with his 'weird' relationship elsewhere. He is treating you disgracefully in leaving you dangling for 4 to 6 months whilst he makes up his mind! Tell him today you've made up your mind and he needs to go immediately.

This. I'm so sorry OP. My DMs are open. I've been in this position. He's a cheater. The 'anniversary' card clinched it.

for what it's worth, I'm 7 years out, healed. Meanwhile the girlfriend still hates me with a burning passion 🤣🤣🤣

Sweetie your marriage is over, he’s seeing someone else. The 4-6 months is so he can get finances etc in order. Why are you sitting waiting to see if he’d take you back, any self respect eitjer of you had for you, goes with that.

Your husband wanted to open up your marriage, and you didn't. You've separated but are living in the same house. Your husband wants to wait 4-6 months before deciding 'if he'll take you back'. No, what your husband wants is free rein to have sex with whoever he wants. If after 4-6 months he decides he quite likes having lots of sex with other women, or finds one particular one he feels 'fits his needs' more, then he'll probably want a divorce. Of course, if he decides it's not all it's cracked up to be, then 'he'll take you back'!!

Your husband is an arsehole. Why are you allowing him to dictate what's happening? If he wants to go off shagging other women, then serve him divorce papers and send him on his merry way!! As for this rule of not seeing anyone whilst living together...of course he is!! Take back some control here. Sort out any paperwork, see a solicitor and find out where you stand.

You are being very passive and allowing him to walk all over you with his demands. He doesn't get to decide to 'take you back'!!! Why would you want to be with someone who thinks so little of you and has zero respect for you?

Op yes he really could be that stupid but by you believing the rubbish he is saying you’re giving him a run for his money.
Op this is someone who told you the might “take you back” when you have done nothing wrong and you are holding on to some sort of hope this might happen.
If there are anniversary cards coming I’d say he’s being seeing someone for a while

Oh how very nice of him to consider that he might take you back in a few months…! What a fucking prince. oP why are you accepting crumbs off this man?!
and was it fuck a mistake!

Technically they don't actually "sue" for adultery but it can be cited in divorce proceedings as the reason for the breakdown of the marriage.

Yes, this still applies if they are separated - they are still legally married.

Being the complete weasel that he is, OP's husband probably doesn't want that - he doesn't want to be named and shamed as an adulterous cheater in court documents.

@Adviceseeker35 please do name him and shame him in the divorce proceedings - but you will need evidence of who the other woman is ...... which so far he has been managing to hide from you. **

** The arrival of the anniversary card was his first slip and start of the end of the facade that he has created. Hopefully more cracks and clues start to show up soon so that you can have the power of evidence on your side.

Yes, he would be that stupid.
Men in general are not overly bright, especially in these situations.
He decides what to do next?
Off he pops, out of the house, the clown.

Oh no. Pathetic excuse and pathetic man. Get rid of this awful individual. . Get your finances sorted first without discussing with him and some legal advice...then he needs to move out.

@RavenFinch divorce is non-fault, not sure why potential cheating whilst separated would need documented in court stuff, or why the man would be shamed by a document no one will see.

OP should pay the man as much regard and forget him entirely.

You've just given him loads of time to come up.with something plausible ... always face to face questions are best

Well he is very clearly waiting to see if this other woman will take him in. That card is basically him asking her to do so (and probably not for the first time).

He is keeping you hanging in reserve in case she doesn't want to.

She is keeping him hanging too. Probably because she can see he is a chancer looking for a new home.

Sorry OP, all this is awful. You should take your fate into your own hands and start divorce proceedings.

why would I give a toss what my soon to be ex does with his life?

Is he in the habit of ordering cards by post? Definantly sounds suspicious. Sorry.

I agree, don’t play the pick -me dance, and take control of the narrative.

Divorces in the uk are ‘no blame ‘ now .

He wanted an open marriage and now he’s had an anniversary card delivered? It does not take Hercule Poirot to work this one out.

Honestly write him off, stop worrying about who else he’s seeing (there’s likely more than one) and live your life. Surely you wouldn’t want to be taken back by this lying sex-mad rat anyway?

HRTFT, just the OP and first few replies. Why is he getting to choose? The moment he wanted an open marriage (to be unfaithful), it was over, or should have been.
The catd is irrelevant. He told you who he is, believe him.

Who the actual f does he think he is, keeping you on the back burner saying he might take you back?!?!?!

You deserve so much better, please take control back of your own life. And heaven forbid he does ‘take you back’, you’d be stuck with a grade A prick. Run lady run!

Take back control of your life. Do you really want to be with him. He sounds vile, has no respect for you or your marriage.

I know, that's why I was asking that poster I quoted, who has since replied and their reply still doesn't make sense to me. Maybe I need some caffeine 😁