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Would he really be that stupid?

149 replies

Adviceseeker35 · 31/03/2026 14:53

My husband separated from me a couple of months ago but we still live in the same house, while he decides what happens next. He's just had a card delivered to the house that's an anniversary card saying "let's be weird together forever". The envelope arrived in a right state which is why I could see it. It's blank for him to fill out. Our anniversary isn't for ages. Despite everything I've always said that he wouldn't cheat on me and I said seeing someone while we were still in the same house was a line that couldn't be cross. Would be really he that stupid to send a card to the house?

OP posts:
RavenFinch · 31/03/2026 23:46

Adviceseeker35 · 31/03/2026 21:42

Said it was a mistake. He ordered something else.

Please google "Very Rude Divorce Cards" and then order one and send it to his place of work (or home if you like - whichever he's more likely to open before you) and then claim you ordered it by mistake. ..... unsigned so it's slightly not clear if it's really for him and really from you (despite his name and address on the envelope).

For example:
"The only orgasm he ever gave me was when he signed the divorce papers"

There are many other similar rude, sarky, cutting variations.

Tell him it was a joke between you and another female pal and it's been sent to the wrong address (yeah, right) ...... start giving him bullshit answers the same as the bullshit he's trying to feed you.

RavenFinch · 31/03/2026 23:54

RavenFinch · 31/03/2026 23:46

Please google "Very Rude Divorce Cards" and then order one and send it to his place of work (or home if you like - whichever he's more likely to open before you) and then claim you ordered it by mistake. ..... unsigned so it's slightly not clear if it's really for him and really from you (despite his name and address on the envelope).

For example:
"The only orgasm he ever gave me was when he signed the divorce papers"

There are many other similar rude, sarky, cutting variations.

Tell him it was a joke between you and another female pal and it's been sent to the wrong address (yeah, right) ...... start giving him bullshit answers the same as the bullshit he's trying to feed you.

Another one:

"Jolene,
You can bloody have him"

^ works equally well sending to him .... or her (his other bit of stuff who he won't fess up to yet) - would be great if you could do some detective work and suss out who she is.

Another one:
"Better to have loved and lost than remain married to that lying scumbag psycho piece of shit".

Have fun. Get angry. Get mad. Get even.
And give him the same bullshit right back.

TheDenimPoet · 31/03/2026 23:59

Notabarbie · 31/03/2026 15:01

It certainly looks that way. But you can't really tell an adult whether they can date. You're not together.

True, but if he's bought an anniversary card, it's been going on for longer than they've been split up. So there's no need to be so rude, is there?

BippidyBoppety · 01/04/2026 00:08

OP, your first post suggests you would expect him to give you the respect to not have such a card sent to your (joint) home. He doesn't respect you - by having this card meant for another (presumably) woman, by allowing you to believe you are both working on your relationship although he describes you both as separated (it's a nice thing to tell the OW - "we share a house because of finances but we are separated"). And this horrid statement as he might take you back ... zero respect for you. Don't stand for it, don't be a doormat, he wouldn't treat a stranger with this disrespect and do not allow him to disrespect you in this way.

Whatwerewetalkingabout · 01/04/2026 00:11

OP please dump him properly, he's said 4-6 months because he's trying to see if he can get the new relationship up and running with you as back up. He's already suggested an open marriage which tells me he wants to fuck someone else (or is already) with your permission.

OP he is using you, this is not the actions of a man who loves you, its the actions of a cunt who's getting his ducks in a row and you're the fall back plan. Xx

Cut him off at the fucking knees and tell him to sling his cheating fucking hook. Sending loves. See a solicitor. Xx

WilfredsPies · 01/04/2026 00:18

Adviceseeker35 · 31/03/2026 21:42

Said it was a mistake. He ordered something else.

Why is he ordering anything if he’s telling you that you’re separated and your anniversary isn’t for ages?

Assuming it’s a Moonpig style arrangement, where he could either have it sent directly or fill it out himself, how often are these companies known to send a completely wrong card? I mean, I suppose it could happen, but on the balance of probabilities, how likely is it that they would send a card like that to a man who was in the process of ending his marriage because he wanted more sex and with other people?

What did he order? Has he shown you his order? Or his email to the company informing them that they’ve sent the wrong product? Or is he expecting you to just believe him and his ‘something else’ explanation?

I think you should be prepared for the possibility that he really is that stupid and that he has been seeing someone else for a while now. He’ll never admit to it if it’s something you’ve made clear is a non crossable line.

Hohumitsreallyallthereis · 01/04/2026 00:22

Adviceseeker35 · 31/03/2026 15:46

He said he needed to wait 4 to 6 months to see how he felt, but that there was a chance he'd take me back.

This is definitely a romantic card rather than one for a friend.

Dear god, surely you can do better than that. Move on.

saraclara · 01/04/2026 00:28

Tell him that you've taken 4-6 days to consider, and that you've decided he needs to move out.

Namechangerage · 01/04/2026 00:28

Adviceseeker35 · 31/03/2026 21:42

Said it was a mistake. He ordered something else.

Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies…

Kimura · 01/04/2026 00:34

Adviceseeker35 · 31/03/2026 21:42

Said it was a mistake. He ordered something else.

Get him to show you the order confirmation for what he did order.

Or just write the fucker off, it seems pretty clear that you don't have a future with him.

Coffeislife · 01/04/2026 00:37

The card is for the other woman she is somewhere. I am sorry but he has no intention of any reconcilations

PrettyPickle · 01/04/2026 00:51

Adviceseeker35 · 31/03/2026 15:46

He said he needed to wait 4 to 6 months to see how he felt, but that there was a chance he'd take me back.

This is definitely a romantic card rather than one for a friend.

Bit early to be buying a card, way too organised for a man especially as there is "only a chance" you may get back together. Yep, sorry he is lying and has someone else!

And when he says "that there was a chance he'd take me back" I hope you responded that you may not want him back?

And just a thought but is this a Moonpig type card because if they send it to him for him to deliver, there is normally a 2nd envelope inside - was there? I bet it was a card from the other woman to him or some such like

JustSawJohnny · 01/04/2026 01:01

Adviceseeker35 · 31/03/2026 21:42

Said it was a mistake. He ordered something else.

Righto 🙄

Not only would he be that stupid but he clearly thinks you're stupid too, if he thinks you'll accept that as an excuse!

JustSawJohnny · 01/04/2026 01:04

He said he needed to wait 4 to 6 months to see how he felt, but that there was a chance he'd take me back.

And you're just going to wait around like a discarded toy and see if he can be arsed to pick you up again?

Come one, OP.

Have some self respect and get him gone.

It really does seem like he's playing you for a fool and you don't have to put up with it.

RavenFinch · 01/04/2026 02:05

Adviceseeker35 · 31/03/2026 15:46

He said he needed to wait 4 to 6 months to see how he felt, but that there was a chance he'd take me back.

This is definitely a romantic card rather than one for a friend.

OP in your first post at top of thread:

"We separated a few months ago but still live in the same house while he decides what happens next"

and from your later post:

"He said he needed to wait 4 - 6 months to see how he felt, but there was a chance he'd take me back."

Why are you giving him all this power?

He wants the 6 months to see how he feels about the other woman and if he can make a go of a proper relationship with her. If he had only just met the woman when he started musing the idea about an "open" marriage it was probably too soon for him to decide whether to abandon a long-standing marriage for a fleeting dalliance and very nascent feelings for another woman.

He wanted your OK to an "open" marriage so that he could have sex outside the marriage without guilt. You didn't give your permission to that ...... which is why he's now lying at every opportunity and pretending he hasn't got a bit on the side already.

His words are all wrong. If there had been a mutual decision to semi separate his words would have been more along the lines of:

"I wanted 6 months / think we both need 6 months to cool off and reflect ..... but I did see a chance that we might reconcile"

As for .......
"there was a chance he'd take me back."

Why? What had you done? Robbed a bank?
Been unfaithful to him ????

His wording is giving him all the power and actually putting the blame onto you as if you had done something wrong - the only thing you did was decline an open marriage.

He has another side piece lined up already and he's only taking this time living separate lives under the same roof as you to see if he can make a go of things with the Other Woman.

If for some reason the current OW falls thru (she becomes unavailable / doesn't want him / has a husband herself who she decides to stay with) ..... then he will shilly shall back to you (slightly) but it won't be in any kind of massive declaration of love ..... at that point (if current OW falls thru) he might want to discuss the open marriage option again so that he can continue to "fish" for extra crumpet outside the marriage.

=====================

Sadly, the only power you have is to call him out on all his bullshit (lies) and force things to end sooner / kick him out / start divorce proceedings etc. **

** That option obviously has financial consequences and it may suit you as much as him to keep one set of household bills for 6 months until you both face the inevitable split and divvy up of marital assets.

See my other posts above re sending him a sarky "accidental" goodbye cheating scumbag loser type card.

Also try (if possible) to find some evidence about this other woman. I know it can be difficult if he has a pin lock on his phone and if he only sees this OW at (say) their mutual place of work - but doing this will also give you some power back:

(a) to be able to put all the pieces of the jigsaw together;

(b) to place you in a better position to call him out on his bullshit; and

(c) if necessary to sue him for adultery in the divorce proceedings.

zebrazoop · 01/04/2026 02:45

Purplecatshopaholic · 31/03/2026 20:07

The more you drip feed the worse it gets. You need to find your self esteem, raise your bar, and go to a divorce lawyer op. Get back your control, don’t sit there while he shags about (and he is shagging about). The longer this goes on, the worse you will feel about yourself.

This . As someone who has been in your situation please set some boundaries . I appreciate it’s hard when you weren’t the one to end the relationship but he’s clearly done and sleeping with someone else

GeorgeMichaelsCat · 01/04/2026 05:32

Adviceseeker35 · 31/03/2026 15:46

He said he needed to wait 4 to 6 months to see how he felt, but that there was a chance he'd take me back.

This is definitely a romantic card rather than one for a friend.

Screw what he thinks, what do you want to happen?

Mrspatmoresapprentice · 01/04/2026 05:55

If he is stupid enough to utter the words “there is a chance I’d take you back” then yes, he is stupid enough to order said card.
A “chance” indeed? The arrogance of the man. I’d be clearing that up right now. “Sorry pal, you’ve lost YOUR chance and I don’t want you back. Let’s get the house on the market because this shit show that you’ve created? It’s all yours, I hope you enjoy it. Goodbye”.
Watch the cocky fucker stutter, he won’t be expecting that. Time for your big girl pants op, put this one in the bin.

Clara27 · 01/04/2026 07:09

Are you seriously waiting around for a chance to be taken back? You want different things, it wouldn’t work. You’d just be kicking the can down the road and setting yourself up for more heartbreak when you find out he’s never stopped cheating. Take back your control op, he has shown you who he is and he is not a good person. You deserve so much more than this but you have to step up and look after yourself because he’s obviously looking after his own interests and stringing you along for his convenience.

QueenStevie · 01/04/2026 07:17

Adviceseeker35 · 31/03/2026 15:46

He said he needed to wait 4 to 6 months to see how he felt, but that there was a chance he'd take me back.

This is definitely a romantic card rather than one for a friend.

Dear God! Give yourself some credit! Why are you waiting around for him to decide your future? In other words, he was waiting to see how it panned out with the OW whilst keeping you waiting in the wings. Get him gone!

sesquipedalian · 01/04/2026 07:25

OP, what have I just read? “He decides what happens next” - only if you let him. “He said he needed to wait 4 to 6 months to see how he felt, but that there was a chance he'd take me back.”. Oh a chance he’ll take you back, like a pair of old shoes - and this is a relationship you want? Strap on a pair: this relationship is done and dusted, unless you are content to let him wildcat around while you are “separated” and then come back to you when it all goes wrong, until next time, when rinse and repeat. Enough, OP, Gather your self respect, and get down to a solicitor’s - you need to take the initiative because this relationship is over.

Noshowlomo · 01/04/2026 07:33

OP you need to ditch the bitch. He sounds rotten

ChaToilLeam · 01/04/2026 07:33

Adviceseeker35 · 31/03/2026 21:42

Said it was a mistake. He ordered something else.

What a load of rubbish he is telling you.

Take control, OP. He's a cheat and a liar, and worst of all, he is insulting your intelligence with this brazen carry on.

Don't be the "pick me" girl. See a solicitor about a divorce and get this sleazy man out. You don't have to adhere to his timetable.

Isadora2007 · 01/04/2026 07:38

@Adviceseeker35 my exH had a trial separation while he “found himself” and we were apart for the best part of a year. We had agreed it was a separation (so tbh I went out myself and “had fun”) but the idea was for him to sort his head out and possibly return to the marriage.
He moved in with the OW after 3 months and didn’t tell me. I only found out through chance around 8/9 months later.
Don’t be me. Have some self respect. The marriage is over.

ThatCyanCat · 01/04/2026 07:44

OP, I was once totally nuts about someone, but it was the "well I will see how I feel about you in a few months" that did me in. Not only do I really not like a silly man who doesn't know what he wants and isn't decisive or proactive, I just couldn't live with that, however much it hurt. "Let me chuck you a few crumbs while I make a decision on whether I want you..." Just can't do it. I'll do some stupid shit, but licking up that stuff that will destroy your soul. It was what finally made me discover I did have a tiny bit of self respect.