We all know that one person that always orders the most expensive thing when someone else is paying, but… extreme content 😂

[AliceR1]

What is it with men and being totally reckless with money? Guy and I, known each for about 5 years, went exclusive about six months ago. It’s his birthday next week so I said I’d take him out for a birthday meal out. He picked the place so I knew it wasn’t going to be budget but what I wasn’t planning on was him ordering a £100 bottle of wine followed by more by the glass. I wasn’t drinking as I drove there and back. He knows I’m not in the poor category but that’s essentially down to extreme budgeting, which he’s well aware of. It was a nice mea out, totally ruined by me still internally stewing over the fact that I picked up a tab the equivalent of a monthly food budget for me and two kids and totally put me off sticking around him for a moment longer. We do get on but this really narked me.

I suppose of the roles were reversed, no-one would have to tell me not order a £100 bottle (I didn’t know that’s what he was ordering, and because there were plenty in the below £30 tag, I didn’t interrogate him on what he ordered and how much) or go for mid range on the menu. It’s basic manners and I’d say most people over the age of about seven have a mental capacity to recognise that just because someone treating you, you don’t go taking the absolute piss out of their generosity and thought.

I’d message him and ask for the
money for the wine . Just say you had budgeted x amount but the wine took you way over that . Am sure he won’t pay but at least he will have some idea what a selfish person he is . Who does things like this ??? I would never see him again . Wow , the idea of him sitting there drinking a full bottle of wine plus extra and you not drinking at all is just mind boggling .

You have known him long enough to talk to him and state this isn't what you are used to . We don't even do the £30 bottles as we would rather buy 3 bottles for that price but it is all about communication . Can't you say it is too much or suggest a hundred other things you could have done with a £100 before it worries you more . I would hear him out when you approach this then decide whether you are leagues apart.

This, thank you.

He clearly, utterly and intentionally took the piss OP. You sound absolutely lovely and far too good for this user. It's definitely a refund and dump situation

So even if he pays you back for the wine or apologises for the piss take you are still dumping him, aren't you?

Exactly this. If someone were treating me, I would choose something at the lower price end. Unless I knew they were completely minted and choosing expensive items themselves. And drinking an entire £100 bottle of wine plus extra glasses while the other person is not drinking is absolutely mind-boggling. It’s very basic social awareness. He either has none or is deliberately being a complete dick. Either way it sounds like you should bin him.

Why would you 'act nice' when you next see him?

He can only walk all over you if you allow him to do so. You could have just told him to pay for the alcohol while you covered the food part.

Ask him for the amount you spent on the alcohol and then bin him.

Just replied ‘Wow!’ that’s it. It’s fine. Yes I’m annoyed with myself for being such a stupid pushover that’s been taken the absolute piss out of me trying to be nice and caring and thoughtful but such is life… at least I got off the train reasonably early.

Hell yeah. The ick is there, means terminal.

‘Wow’ but no apology? 🙄
He’s no good.

Absolute bellend, he knows he has royally taken the piss. Can you change his name in your phone to 'wine wanker'?

There's nothing wrong with a person on a strict budget saying I can treat you up to £x. After that, you pay.

She's got financial restrictions and it's unreasonable to not state those clearly when you're treating someone. That's basic communication. The other person is not a mind reader. They may be selfish. Clear communication prevents that from being her problem that she overspent and now can't buy food.

I understand what you're saying, but perhaps you've never been with someone like this? They don't understand basic communication, or pretend not to. They don't care.

Right. Complete dick. If I were him I’d be mortified and apologetic.

But he knows the score, that’s the whole point. There hasn’t been any miscommunication or misunderstanding. It’s basic manners and decency. He’s perfectly aware that I budget hard, and exactly how hard.

I think you should straigh out and ask him to pay for what he consumed as you feel completely taken advantage of by him.
Spell it out to him.
If he refuses, you have prove to show mutual friends just who he is.

Please don't believe this is normal behaviour.

This is absolute dregs of society behaviour.

There is no high ground here.
He'd love if you said no more about it.

Ask him directly.

This is an invitation for you to lock horns / goading you to explain yourself further - please don’t do that - so that he can spar with you. Don’t give him this opportunity.

Don’t give him any sense of emotion - don’t get drawn in.

Keep your dignity and your power. Silence. Indifference. Dump. Clean cut. Block. See him in the rear view mirror of your life and accelerate away fast to a much more wonderful life. Get busy

Wow indeed!

At least now you know, he wasn't just being thoughtless, he really is a completely self centered dick. Put him in the bin!

He sounds deeply unattractive. Well done for not being a doormat.

Did you set a limit? Did you say I can't afford that when he ordered £100 bottle of wine? Did you leave?

You make it explicit. I can spend £x on you and after that, you pay for yourself.

He took advantage of you and he's an asshole but you've got to protect yourself too by setting really hard boundaries. If your budget is that tight, you don't treat people. There are always people looking to separate you from your money and you need to watch out for that.

Don't dump him until after you get some money out of him and don't feel bad about it. This dude is cool with taking food out of childrens' mouths.

He is an arse. Glad you found out.----
No decent person would order wine like that when they are not paying. I wouldnt even order a whole bottle if the other person not drinking and paying.

But he doesn’t have basic manners and decency. You are wasting your finite headspace, time and emotional energy trying to qualify and quantify his deliberate passive aggressive ugly behaviour in rational terms. It’s easier if you visualise him as some sort of scavenging animal - then his behaviour will make sense and you won’t be stuck on cognitive dissonance expecting different behaviours from him. His alcoholic brain is probably so pickled and polluted that he can’t even emotionally compute outside of his own compulsive and exploitative addictions.

He doesn't even have the decency to say sorry to you after receiving your text. All he can think of is 'Wow!'. He's a thick, rude, greedy, selfish piece of shit.

Would love for you to get the alcohol money returned but he doesn't have the manners or character to apologise, let alone pay you back.

Completely agree with you @AliceR1 I work hard and budget hard. People think I’m minted but I am not. I’m not tight but I shop around, fix stuff myself, buy ‘nearly new or new fancy stuff on ebay’ because I won’t pay premium prices. Pay rises go in pension or savings etc. I try to be generous but also going out with someone treating me, I’d not need a budget setting because I wouldn’t take the pee. I might, as others have said, pay for a fancy bottle or cocktail myself, being careful of the other person’s feelings.

With him, it’s like he doesn’t know or respect you - talk about read the room; he just didn’t.

yuck.