We all know that one person that always orders the most expensive thing when someone else is paying, but… extreme content 😂

[AliceR1]

What is it with men and being totally reckless with money? Guy and I, known each for about 5 years, went exclusive about six months ago. It’s his birthday next week so I said I’d take him out for a birthday meal out. He picked the place so I knew it wasn’t going to be budget but what I wasn’t planning on was him ordering a £100 bottle of wine followed by more by the glass. I wasn’t drinking as I drove there and back. He knows I’m not in the poor category but that’s essentially down to extreme budgeting, which he’s well aware of. It was a nice mea out, totally ruined by me still internally stewing over the fact that I picked up a tab the equivalent of a monthly food budget for me and two kids and totally put me off sticking around him for a moment longer. We do get on but this really narked me.

Ask for reimbursement for the wine then dump him.

I agree you should send the message @WildLeader has written, you have nothing to lose, he can't be allowed to get away with this. Don't even be remotely embarrassed asking for this money, what he did is outrageous.

Send a message saying you wanted to treat him to a meal not the alcohol. Didn’t want to make a fuss last night but please transfer the £££. That money is allocated to (new school shoes?)

Then regardless you are done with him.

So you might as well ask and try to get the money back.

Just seen your updated

if he’s on UC and also has small children he absolutely knows what he did was completely unacceptable and he will only continue to take the piss

unfortunately some people get through life taking advantage of others

Are you going to dump him? He's a cheeky bastard.

I really think you’ll feel better about yourself if you tell him you never intended to spend £100 plus on alcohol, just for him, and to please reimburse you. Then end it, whether he pays you or not.

Im not saying that he wasn’t taking the piss with the price of the wine, but there’s nothing to suggest thst he woukd be particularly drunk on what the OP has said he has if he’s a regular wine drinker.

Only the absolute lowest of the low scum does this.

Even worse to a single parent.
Please, for your self respect and your children, ask for him to pay you back.

Keep a screenshot of the receipt and be frank why you finished with him to friends.
I couldn't associate with someone who would do that, irrespective of your means.
Really low class behaviour.

OP, this is really shameful behaviour on his part.

I couldn’t have paid this without a conversation.

What a cheeky fucker!

Oh my life some people have no shame & take the absolute mick. I am a single mum & would feel the same as you, this could have been spent on the kids. There are plenty of cf about in the dating world. I would ask him to cover the wine written in the way the previous poster said. If you are struggling to send this text just remember what this money could get your kids. Then do not waste any more time, money & energy on this loser.

Well he showed you who he really was that night didn’t he. I’m annoyed for you. Completely selfish on his part to order a bottle of wine when you are not drinking. He could have just ordered a few drinks throughout the night. I couldn’t cope with the lack of job situation either. Yes maybe to say no to the wine would have been the better answer but I can see how difficult that can be in the moment. Run op.

Come back and tell us what he says when you tell him why you’re dumping him? I’d love to know how the CF tries to justify his appalling behaviour. You can do better x

@AliceR1 my love, you’re not a mug, but you have a vulnerability to people who take the piss. Maybe because you’re both widows you’ve skimped on your due diligence on who this guy is, and whether he’s trustworthy etc etc. you identify with him because of you both being widows and you thought he was like you.

he is not. Oh he’s a widow, sure, but he’s also an opportunistic, narcissistic prick who knows exactly what he did when ordering the wine on your buck. I think somehow he’s misogynistic and resents women, I think he has told himself you’re tight and made it his mission to rinse your cash somehow.

people like him get away with doing this stuff to people like you because you’re kind and wouldn’t dream of making a fuss or humiliating him. He however has humiliated you somehow by clawing £00s from you that you really need.

I know a lot are saying just dump him - and you should absolutely, but you need to tell him to repay you because you’ll feel better about yourself for putting yourself and your family ahead of this chancer.

im cross for you. Can you tell ? 🤣

Ask to borrow his card so you can go to the shop and buy a cheap bottle of wine. Or dump him. You shouldn't need to explain the issue. It shows his true self.

@AliceR1 what a horrible man and how disappointing for you when you hoped things were getting better. But the fact that you know the same people is very helpful - ask for the money back - with luck he wont want others to know so ill be shamed into paying and then ‘accidentally’ let the reason why you broke up come out.

People on MN all seem to have the ability to process shocking turns of events immediately and respond perfectly, which suggests an advanced level of development not supported by their apparent lack of awareness that others need time to process shocks and gather themselves to respond.

OH has brothers like this……..we went for a family meal on the understanding that we go dutch. Drinks were put on the tab, starters mains and desserts ordered and waiter wanted a card behind the bar for security so OH offered ours. Lo and behold, when the bill came NO ONE had cash and NO ONE, apart from us had a card as they’d forgotten to pick up wallets! They promised to transfer their meal costs to my account……..3 years on and I’m still waiting!

I am very sorry for your loss and as someone who was one of 7 children all under 7 years old when their Dad was killed in an accident and was then raised by our penniless distraught mother I deeply respect your struggles.

However can I still gently ask why you still seem to be giving him some sort of get out of jail card by referencing his widowed status. I actually now think much less of him, not more of him if this pissed, broke, nasty bloke has two toddlers relying solely on him and this is the life he has chosen for his motherless children.

It seems that you have been shoring up this hopeless person throughout your own grieving journey. I would suggest this hasn’t helped you or your DCs. Sadly his DCs will be fuxked by their sad start in life and their dreadful feckless Dad. Your own DCs have swerved a disaster if your intentions was to blend his family (you would be taking on two very troubled DC and a penniless drunk - which would be unsustainable to you being able to focus on your own and your DCs recovery).

Please kick this dreadful character to the kerb and believe that someone was looking down on you to see the light. That £100 bottle of wine was a fab investment. Please get some professional emotional support to grow your vulnerable boundaries and low bar. You and your DC deserve much much more than this.

I don’t think that’s necessary. It’s often an automatic physiological survival response to freeze, fawn, flop in the moment - but it’s important afterwards to be aware of how we feel and what boundaries were crossed for us personally, what values are incompatible etc and the most important part is then using our agency to decide on next steps and take action. It doesn’t have to be immediate but the sooner we get to our conclusion and commitment the less eroded we become and the more we can reclaim back our core self.

Jesus christ! What a fucker.

Send that message OP, it's worded well and you know it's over so there's nothing to lose in sending the message. You likely won't get any money back but I'd send it anyway and hope he feels a tiny ounce of shame reading it.

On another note does he usually drink so much in one session? As that seems a lot to me!

He won’t try to justify himself - he will
just launch into overt emotional
abuse - I’ve never known a nasty, contemptuous alcoholic nursing a dirty hangover to be gentle, reflective, accountable and respectful when confronted.

Having unfortunately lived a long life around problem drinkers you not drinking much is also something that will wind him up as he probably feels bitter and judged.

I'd have binned him off when the bill came tbh. He clearly took advantage of your good nature. I'm taking ds and his gf out for lunch next week. I've told DS he can pick restaurant. I doubt he'd pick a more expensive restaurant than he normally goes to. His gf is very frugal and I almost have to beg her to order a drink and not just water. I'm certain she scours the menu as she always seems to choose the cheapest item on there. I've told her many times to just order whatrvet she'd prefer to eat but she always picks whatever is cheapest and never orders sides. My DS said she does the same when they eat put alone too. Totally opposite to your partner.

He’s just WhatsApp’d me ‘what a great evening, thanks again sweetie’. I won’t respond immediately so that he doesn’t take the content of my response as a flippant reply because something else went wrong like the kids tipped a pot of yoghurt on the floor…. But I will respond. Thanks for your kind words of support y’all.

Honestly I’d just tell him straight up. ‘I’m quite upset that you took advantage of my offer to buy your birthday dinner. Most people would not assume that offer included £150 worth of wine. Nor would they expect me to pay my monthly food budget on one meal. I don’t think we are compatible so would not like to continue our relationship.’

"I bet you did, you fucking arsehole. I'm done" 😜