We all know that one person that always orders the most expensive thing when someone else is paying, but… extreme content 😂

[AliceR1]

What is it with men and being totally reckless with money? Guy and I, known each for about 5 years, went exclusive about six months ago. It’s his birthday next week so I said I’d take him out for a birthday meal out. He picked the place so I knew it wasn’t going to be budget but what I wasn’t planning on was him ordering a £100 bottle of wine followed by more by the glass. I wasn’t drinking as I drove there and back. He knows I’m not in the poor category but that’s essentially down to extreme budgeting, which he’s well aware of. It was a nice mea out, totally ruined by me still internally stewing over the fact that I picked up a tab the equivalent of a monthly food budget for me and two kids and totally put me off sticking around him for a moment longer. We do get on but this really narked me.

The "wow" won't be his last message. It was a stunt to wrongfoot you - a shit or bust move. Next will come a really passive aggressive "well I'm sorry that I thought being taken out for a birthday meal meant that I could have a nice glass of wine for my birthday". You will have to spell it out for him. Maybe "I don't like freeloaders Bob. We're done".

As you have decided - wisely - you don't want to have anything more to do with him, I would be tempted to send him a text like this as you have nothing left to lose:

“Hey, about your birthday dinner. I offered to cover a meal, not the pricey wine, especially since I wasn’t drinking. That put me in a tough spot. The total for the wine was £XX. Please send £XX today so we can square it up.”
If he pushes back, hold the line with one follow-up:
“I’m not debating this. I covered dinner. The wine wasn’t part of that. Please send £ today.”

Did you give him the green light to pick that fancy restaurant and to order whatever he'd like? Was he encouraged in any way to go 'all out' while you sat there seething?

I don't like his behaviour at all btw if he was taking it upon himself to make these decisions.

I don’t think it would be clear to him
at all that the relationship is over if you haven’t explicitly told him that.

I expect he will just lie low for the week and slither back at the week.

Do you have any of his stuff / keys etc plans made - that will give you an excuse to confirm the situation? Eg Your x,y,z are here. I will drop them outside / pop in the post / etc

Used to be a cabin crew for an international airline where even the first officers were on £10k tax free a month (and housing paid for).

All the crew once went out on a layover and the two pilots ordered champagne, lobster, steak and sides for themselves.

The bill came and the greedy bastards asked us to split the bill!

They weren’t impressed when my 21 year old self replied I’d ordered a salad and Diet Coke so I would not be subsidising their banquet.

This is great information - use it!

What an utter prick. I actually think the restaurant review is hilarious.

I would message him back.

"Just FYI - I do expect you to reimburse me for that bottle of wine. Here are my bank details."

You probably won't get it but who knows? Never speak to the tosser again obvs.

Horrible op. You well rid. So sorry for you. What a pri**. The brass neck of it all

If it's not too painful OP, would you share with us what the final bill was, so we can share in your pain?

We're frugal too, and have been caught out by extravagant friends on a couple of occasions. Years ago we went to France with some friends who had invited us to stay in their holiday home. It was an ok, but awkward, week and tbh we would have preferred a place of our own. At the end of the week we said, as a thank you, we'd treat them to dinner (we'd more than paid our way with groceries and drinks/meals all week). They said there was a local restaurant they loved and had always wanted to try the sample menu. Fine - it will be our pleasure. The chef introduced each course and the sommelier introduced each wine for each course. I was getting a bit anxious about the potential expense but my lord, we weren't prepared for the bill at the end of the night! £850! We could have rented a lovely gite for that and had our own space where we weren't made to feel naughty if we didn't plump the cushions whenever we stood up.

You live and learn. They have invited us back since and we've politely declined. They are much better off than we are too, which is no secret, so to have put that on us was really mean.

Anyone who would do this in the first place (which is almost nobody hopefully) is not likely to be able to be shamed so we can't be surprised by his wow response, almost implying that you are the one who has something to be embarrassed about. He showed his hand, at least you don't need to waste any more time on him.

I’m with others- I’d respond to the “wow”- something along the lines of “Yes, that was my first thought when I saw the bill. Anyway, so that I can afford to eat and take my children out in the next two weeks, please send £XYZ to bla bla bla bank details. Thanks.”

One cheeky bastard..

Initially, I suggested a pub but time did not suit. That, in my mind, sets a budget - country pub. Following that he asked to go to xyz, which I knew would be pricier but thought not unacceptable league unless you of course pull a stunt like that. Set meal for two, which he cranked up by other the priciest extras.

Three hundred plus. Your story is horrific. Real bitter aftertaste. Sorry this had happened to you.

@AliceR1 ^ this

send him this

you have nothing to lose.

He has no reason to return or anything to collect. We/he arranged for us to hook up over Easter with another friend/acquaintance which I know my kids aren’t keen on as her son is quite tricky so when a follow-up pops up in that chat, I’ll politely excuse myself as I spunked all of my disposable income on an evening I didn’t budget for, bit of passive aggressive will go a long way… but you’re right, he’ll probably wind his neck back up… doesn’t matter, I’ve got a permanent ick now.

I think if this had happened to me, I'd probably have told the waitress, I'm paying for the food, then he'd have been left with his drinks bill. After all, you invited him for dinner - no mention of covering him to get battered on expensive wine!

I think just chalk it up to experience OP. I don't think there's anything wrong with asking him to pay for the wine and sending bank details as PP have suggested.

I think it is fair enough to say on that given you'd never bought expensive wine like that it completely caught you off guard. Point out that your own children have gone without trips because you can't afford them. At least embarrass him for his poor gauche and ungentlemanlike behaviour.

I think I would be exploring why you have let yourself be taken advantage of so you can work on it. (a) when he suggested somewhere more expensive than a pub why did you not hold your boundary on budget and more importantly (b) when the bill came why did you not say anything at the time? Yes the bill had to be paid but surely you looked at it before the waitress returned with the card machine? Why did you not confront him at the time.... and then still let him still spend the night with you?

It sounds like you have really low self worth and find confrontation difficult. I think before dating again I would be working on those things so you value your self worth more. You sound like a sensible person but who needs to work on their assertiveness.

I wonder what goes through the minds of these CFs. Like are they completely oblivious to their Cheeky Fuckery, or do they know what they're doing and bank on people not making a fuss about it. Utter cunts the lot of them.

True that, but my gut feel is that he’ll come up with an idea for my birthday…. I don’t even want that kind of fancy crap but then again with his finances as volatile as they are, all I might get is an apology that it isn’t possible right now but he’ll make up for it another time. When he finally got a job in the summer, I thought he’d be dateable (I am absolutely not high maintenance, I just don’t want a financial responsibility!) but that lasted three months there have been issues in the past with organising stuff as a group and him either pulling out end of, or pulling out and admitting that this is due to funds, and people have chipped in to cover his expenses. It’s habitual, and I’m getting off that train.

Well done. You're a good role model for women- because let's face it- we are the ones afraid to speak up generally.

Yesterday,my darling mil wanted to take do and I out for a meal

We went to a lovely pub of her choice and she asked what drinks we wanted (coke/diet coke) and we double checked what we ordered was ok (most of the menu was about £20 per meal)

We ate and she paid the bill but at no point did we eye up the wine menu (we dont really drink) or take the piss out of her

If we'd started on the wine menu and ordering the expensive bottles,she (rightly) would have had a fit and told us to rein it in a lot

It's not hard not to take the piss

Glad hes an ex now-the 'wow' is a joke and he knows hes been busted

He may be cringing with shame as we speak!

But probably not.

The "wow" is to try and make you feel as though YOU have done something wrong, are a cheapskate quibbling over a few glasses of wine and how dare you pull a stunt like this on HIS birthday

He is a bell end, who should (but won't) be feeling mortified

He took advantage of your good nature treating him to dinner. What an A hole, I couldn’t see past this as it would grate on me, I’d have to end it. When he asks why, tell him that he took advantage you and you don’t feel that’s someone you want to has a life with.