18 months chatting but never met, now rumours online about him

[AlphaKat44]

Hey all!
I need some advice.
I've been involved with guy for 18 months, I connected with him on Hinge.
We've never met in person, only facetimed a couple of times, and its mostly Whatsapp.
He says the reason we haven't met yet in person is because of his anxiety, and his general mental health after witnessing several traumatic experiences.
He lives an hour away from me, but everytime he tries to drive over he has panic attacks behind the wheel when he gets to a certain place due to an accident where he and his mate were hit by a drink driver, and his mate was killed(It was a hit and run)
He also says he is "worried I won't like him" and constantly doubts himself because his previous relationship was volatile on her part, she cheated and when he confronted her she cut him.
Last week a person who I thought was a friend posted a picture I had showed her on Facebook (without his consent)
onto a group called "Are we dating the same guy?" and its made things worse for us.

Apparently this so called friend got anonymous comments on the posts from other women saying they had arranged to go on dates, and he never showed etc, but wouldn't tell me or show me the post/comments to "protect these womens privacy" so I asked him about it.
He told me that after we had a huge argument he went back on the dating sites as he thought we had broken up for good, and that yes he had reached out to other women but never went on the arranged dates.
He said it was because his love for me stopped him, and I'm the only woman he wants.
Ironically the post got deleted after my friend "told" me about it.
Was it malicious to try and drive a wedge between us?
We were really strong and now he is doubting himself again.

Panic attacks?;that’s a new name I’ve heard for “I’ve got a wife/partner and I’m using a OLD App to stroke my very fragile ego and have ridiculous online relationships with naive women”

Block him.

After reading the follow up comments, I don’t believe for a minute this post is real.

seek help.

OP, you sound to me to be much more invested than this person. You talk about a strong relationship, but also having had a big argument that sent him straight back online, looking for another partner...that does not scream ‘strong partnership’ to me!
I know this will be hard to hear, but please don’t waste anymore of your time on this person. Ask yourself: What is he bringing to my life? How do I feel when he keeps letting me down? Where do I think this is going, when we’ve never met?

Stop all communication. I am surprised you have never met up in 18 months, & you are carrying on playing his stupid games.Be good and true to yourself & get rid, sounds like a liar, cheat and everything else. Have you tried doing any research regarding the car accident, he claims happened. Wouldn't be surprised if he has a family and married.
There are loads of red flags here, & you know there are issues, otherwise you wouldn't be asking the mumsnet community for their thoughts...🤔

Could be a woman? Someone you know? There will be a reason you’ve not met and don’t buy the explanation you’ve been given.

@AlphaKat44 i can’t believe you think you are in a relationship !

Let’s say you were (you are not ) do you think it /he sounds healthy .
Worried about your judgement mind you .

I think you are catfishing us now.

Why do people say ‘run’

She doesn’t need to run. It’s so infantilising.

OP, block and move on.

It he has issues driving then suggest he gets the train . meet in a public place and have a friend sit at a table nearby as back up if you are so curious. I would just personally move on as you are worth so much more than this and if he just makes excuses then can't you see this ain't right,.
If he is really ill with anxiety then ask yourself if you have the strength to deal with all this as his complex health issues might be very hard to manage.

I’d highly recommend you watch the documentary on BBC called The Beauty Queen and the Catfish.

This sounds like the sort of situation I would have found myself in - in the past (I once did long distance between London and Sydney) and I think you need to look at yourself to see why you have chosen someone so emotionally unavailable. I think you have hit on that in your follow up posts. Ultimately this ‘relationship’ scratches an itch you have without actually having to get too close to an actual relationship. Ultimately I think you know the truth which is why you posted in the first place. You’re likely going to look back on this and regret the time you wasted on it. Either try to find someone you can have an actual healthy relationship with or accept that this is just an online fantasy that is not real and has no future.

OP, if this man is real then he is 100% not single. He can’t meet up with you or have you round because of his wife/ girlfriend/ kids whatever. All the rest are lies and excuses to make you feel pity for him. I’ll put my bottom dollar on it.

This

You are NOT in a relationship or friendship - this is one BIG lie

Why are you so desperate OP? This says more about you than him.

Do not even give this guy headspace.

You are not in a relationship you’re Penpals. Move on and block.

This.
And don't be so gullible next time!

You need to have some basic rules when you’re online dating and always stick to them, a major one being no talking to anyone for more than a month without meeting. Anyone who genuinely wants to meet you and has nothing to hide would meet you within a month, no matter how busy they are. No talk of deeper feelings like love etc before meeting, no getting into a relationship with the person before meeting. Think of them as an AI creation, until you meet they are not real. These rules are common sense to most people, but maybe for younger people who’ve grown up online they are less so. But please follow them, it means you’re much less likely to get hurt/put yourself in danger/waste your time

Why cant you go to his place and meet there?

We were really strong

You're having a laugh right? How can you have a strong relationship with someone you have never met? 18 months? Are you sure its not a fake fb account and he's not messaging you from prison from a smuggled in phone? I am struggling to accept this is even real. Your self-esteem must have hit rock bottom if this is true.
Block and work on your self esteem OP.

Please be a bot.
Please be a bot.

I don’t like to think of a woman being so obviously catfished.