18 months chatting but never met, now rumours online about him

[AlphaKat44]

Hey all!
I need some advice.
I've been involved with guy for 18 months, I connected with him on Hinge.
We've never met in person, only facetimed a couple of times, and its mostly Whatsapp.
He says the reason we haven't met yet in person is because of his anxiety, and his general mental health after witnessing several traumatic experiences.
He lives an hour away from me, but everytime he tries to drive over he has panic attacks behind the wheel when he gets to a certain place due to an accident where he and his mate were hit by a drink driver, and his mate was killed(It was a hit and run)
He also says he is "worried I won't like him" and constantly doubts himself because his previous relationship was volatile on her part, she cheated and when he confronted her she cut him.
Last week a person who I thought was a friend posted a picture I had showed her on Facebook (without his consent)
onto a group called "Are we dating the same guy?" and its made things worse for us.

Apparently this so called friend got anonymous comments on the posts from other women saying they had arranged to go on dates, and he never showed etc, but wouldn't tell me or show me the post/comments to "protect these womens privacy" so I asked him about it.
He told me that after we had a huge argument he went back on the dating sites as he thought we had broken up for good, and that yes he had reached out to other women but never went on the arranged dates.
He said it was because his love for me stopped him, and I'm the only woman he wants.
Ironically the post got deleted after my friend "told" me about it.
Was it malicious to try and drive a wedge between us?
We were really strong and now he is doubting himself again.

With all due respect whatever are you doing ? Please go out and find yourself a real life - this fairytale is far from it, and very draining by the sounds of it

I reckon OP is also a catfish and is using someone else's bikini pics :)

From his tiny village to yours is there only one road in and out? A real shame that he can’t find an alternative route to drive that doesn’t involve being stopped in his tracks by his trauma each time, as he does his three point turn in the road I’m sure he’s like darn fooled again, maybe one day we’ll meet.

I think OPs story is weirder than a very weird thing, but this part is hardly unbelievable surely?

My 3 nearest beaches are a good half an hours walk from the nearest bus stop

This person isnt real and doesnt exist, assuming they havnt asked you for money its either someone you know( probably female) or someone playing with you, its easy to fake a wattsapp video chat, id lay money its a female you know

As others have said, this isn’t a relationship, you don’t really know each other and to be honest it sounds like he could be lying about a lot of things. You cannot possibly love each other when the whole thing has been conducted over WhatsApp without meeting. Time to move on.

Its her your former best friend who is this man

You're strong with a fantasy OP.

The person you think he is doesn't exist. If you don't end it you'll be missing out on something real. It's your choice.

God lord, you have wasted 18 months of your life flogging a dead horse. Is this how you really want your life to be ?

But they're places that people go to, no? They're destinations, and this guy could easily have made his way there like the hoards of British public who head to the beach on a sunny day. If it's a beach where bikini sunbathing goes on, we're not talking about Fraggle Rock here. But it's all just bullshit excuses. OP could just as easily gone to see him if this was genuinely a thing, but it's not.

Oooh that would be the twist if it was on tv! Maybe...

You’ve been watching Catfish 😂

@AlphaKat44 do you live in Scotland, if so then I have a fair idea of the guy you are talking about and I promise you it’s all words and not true.

You aren't in a 'relationship' with this man. You can't have a relationship with someone you've never met. You are relying on the fact that this man, who you don't actually know, is telling you the truth. There's a very high chance that he's telling you lies, and little (to nothing) is the truth.

A friendship shouldn't be this difficult, let alone a romantic relationship!! Perhaps he really does suffer from panic attacks or bad anxiety and he was involved in a serious car accident....but perhaps it's all rubbish.

Have you tried Googling his name? Have you tried to find information online regarding the accident? Do you know his address? Where he was born? His date of birth?

End whatever this is....find people in the real world. Seek some professional support to raise your self-esteem, because you deserve more than this.

It happened to me online only it wasnt a friend but a lesbian pretending to be a man with a photo of a man

Why oh why would you waste your time on this???!

It doesn’t sound like she is trying to drive a wedge between you and making stuff up. It sounds like she is very unsure about this guy and this “relationship” because it does sound like he’s making excuses. E.g. he could take a different route when driving or else he would never leave his village.

It sounds like you have some things going on which mean the “involvement” with him suits you, otherwise you would’ve called things off when he refused to meet, or when you heard of his severe MH issues. And if you are generally happy with things then that’s up to you. But I would be asking myself why I was OK with never meeting the person who loves me, whether this is the relationship I hoped it would be, and why my friends are suspicious of him

We were really strong? Strong what... pen pals?

Sorry but this made me spit my coffee out 😂

If I was your friend I wouldn’t be able to be arsed with this nonsense. Give your head a wobble for all the reasons that everybody else has pointed out.

Gave me The Truman Show vibes.

I agree. I met someone after chatting online and it was like the book vs the film. You read the lines in a certain way in your head, then it’s not the same when some actor you don’t fancy is doing it and it’s more serious and less jokey than you realised… that was only after a few weeks. After 18 months this will be a fully formed imaginary person.

And that’s overlooking all the other massive red flags with this guy in particular!

18 months?!! How ridiculous! Block and move on!

OP please get a hobby and stop posting this made up shite, seriously...and see a therapist

You are obviously vulenrable and people are being a bit harsh with you. But perhaps read what people have said and accept that this isnt a relationship - at best its an online friendship.

Explain this to him clearly and say we can either carry on as "friends" because you enjoy messaging each other but allow yourself a life and a true relationship.

Get back out there and see if you can meet someone who is ready for a relationship with you not someone who clearly has massive issues. Good luck.