18 months chatting but never met, now rumours online about him

[AlphaKat44]

Hey all!
I need some advice.
I've been involved with guy for 18 months, I connected with him on Hinge.
We've never met in person, only facetimed a couple of times, and its mostly Whatsapp.
He says the reason we haven't met yet in person is because of his anxiety, and his general mental health after witnessing several traumatic experiences.
He lives an hour away from me, but everytime he tries to drive over he has panic attacks behind the wheel when he gets to a certain place due to an accident where he and his mate were hit by a drink driver, and his mate was killed(It was a hit and run)
He also says he is "worried I won't like him" and constantly doubts himself because his previous relationship was volatile on her part, she cheated and when he confronted her she cut him.
Last week a person who I thought was a friend posted a picture I had showed her on Facebook (without his consent)
onto a group called "Are we dating the same guy?" and its made things worse for us.

Apparently this so called friend got anonymous comments on the posts from other women saying they had arranged to go on dates, and he never showed etc, but wouldn't tell me or show me the post/comments to "protect these womens privacy" so I asked him about it.
He told me that after we had a huge argument he went back on the dating sites as he thought we had broken up for good, and that yes he had reached out to other women but never went on the arranged dates.
He said it was because his love for me stopped him, and I'm the only woman he wants.
Ironically the post got deleted after my friend "told" me about it.
Was it malicious to try and drive a wedge between us?
We were really strong and now he is doubting himself again.

You deserve better. There are so many red flags. Please look for a real life person

What a load of rubbish! Stop being so gullible you silly woman!

What sort of professional help has he sought for his anxiety? What's the exact diagnosis? Is he getting treatment, and how much progress has he made? Has he discussed this latest setback with his therapist?

Someone who knows they are suffering from MH issues to the extent that cannot keep a basic commitment and cannot go outside should not be on a dating site. Or in a "relationship" until he gets the help he needs first. These other women are probably angry that he took advantage of their hope to meet a compatible potential partner and wasted their time. If you are too, then hallelujah! That's normal. Decide if you want him as an e-pen pal, but if you want a partner look elsewhere.

@AlphaKat44 He said it was because his love for me stopped him, and I'm the only woman he wants. ...
We were really strong and now he is doubting himself again.
Have you any evidence that anything he has said about his "trauma" or even where he lives is true? You seem to think that you had a "strong relationship" with him before your friend intervened (she was trying to get you to see sense as far as I can see). But this is not a relationship if you've not even once met in person, no matter how long you've been whatsapping, and it's far from "strong" and definitely not "love". Even if all he's told you about himself is true, he's a deeply troubled individual who will not be able to give you the reciprocation and support you deserve in a genuine relationship. If you are very lonely but are keeping yourself isolated from people (either due to anxieties or lack of travel opportunities or whatever), please consider joining some local groups that will give you the opportunity to have healthier social relationships and which may (or may not) lead to something romantic. What you've described here is not that. And it's got nothing to do with whatever actions your friend has taken.

How does he know the other driver was drunk if they 'hit and ran'

No, the 3 I'm thinking of wouldn't really be considered destinations. Locals go to them to swim or walk dogs or surf or sunbathe (although probably not this time of year), but you wouldn't get anyone from further afield going, because there's no car park, and you've got an often quite steep trek through the woods or down the cliffs to get to them.

Within a 10 mile radius of me there's about 30 beaches. About 5 of them would be somewhere most tourists would go, probably another 5 that see any tourists, another 15 that are only really used by people who live locally to them, and 5 that are only accessible by boat or paddleboard.

Oh good lord what a load of baloney. How could you have ‘broken up for good’ if you’ve never met him. What are you both 12??

Come on, OP. This guy is full of BS - a manipulative, dysfunctional and very possibly married catfishing loser. You deserve much more.

I have no experience of online dating, but my friends tell me the unspoken rule is to meet up a.s.a.p. - no long, protracted ‘getting to know each other’ online stuff. This is precisely to weed out this type of unsavoury character.

Cut your losses now before you get very badly hurt. Block and move on.

Dear god, raise your standards. Just block him and all this nonsense.

OP - if this is true, then for heavens sake stop contacting him. He is wasting your time

Jesus. There is no helping some people. Strong relationship my ass.

You've never met. Of course you weren't "really strong".

I’m sorry but what the hell are you doing? You’re not in a relationship if you’ve never met!
It wouldn’t surprise me if he has a wife or girlfriend and chats to you for an ego boost and made up the car crash thing so avoid meeting in real life.

Fuck same why woukd you want a supposive man with that level anxiety (supportively) that you haven’t even met. You hoping you’ll be his saviour or something?

You're not strong. One or both of you may be desperate, but not strong. Walk away.

I can't believe you've spent 18 months on this shit.

18 months and neither of you have made it to the others house....come on

Reports o line of exacrly the same issue, e.g. arranging dates but not turning up. Again...think

On the one hand...he's not legit and you should move on. On the other, with you not wanting to leave the house and having your walls up, maybe an entirely online relationship is all you need or want? Just be prepared the person you're talking to us hiding something

I smell 💩

Do not send him anymore pictures, delete and block him. You should be thanking your Friend for looking out for you.

First time I think a thread isn't real....
8 weeks I might have believed.....18 mths?

Your friend, albeit quite inappropriate; did you a massive favour. RUN

Leave. You're building an unhealthy, false fantasy of a reality you would like, in your head. Outside of your mind, this fantasy is a massive red flag, in reality. Nip it in the bud.

I can't believe I've spent (parts of) 5 hours on it!

You. Have. Never. Met. This. Man.

FFS .

It's no relationship, you are never going to meet.

Your friend is probably fed up of hearing about your fantasy boyfriend when she can see how ridiculous it is that you are thinking it is a serious thing. Of course he will be seeing other people, both online but like with you, too scared to meet, and in real life. Wha do you think is going to happen here? You both stay celebate for the rest of your lives? Your friend cares about you and attempted drastic measures to make you see sense to stop wasting your life.

While you are staying loyal (to a person you havnt even touched) you are missing out on a chance to have something real.18 months is more than enough time to have given it, please see sense