18 months chatting but never met, now rumours online about him

[AlphaKat44]

Hey all!
I need some advice.
I've been involved with guy for 18 months, I connected with him on Hinge.
We've never met in person, only facetimed a couple of times, and its mostly Whatsapp.
He says the reason we haven't met yet in person is because of his anxiety, and his general mental health after witnessing several traumatic experiences.
He lives an hour away from me, but everytime he tries to drive over he has panic attacks behind the wheel when he gets to a certain place due to an accident where he and his mate were hit by a drink driver, and his mate was killed(It was a hit and run)
He also says he is "worried I won't like him" and constantly doubts himself because his previous relationship was volatile on her part, she cheated and when he confronted her she cut him.
Last week a person who I thought was a friend posted a picture I had showed her on Facebook (without his consent)
onto a group called "Are we dating the same guy?" and its made things worse for us.

Apparently this so called friend got anonymous comments on the posts from other women saying they had arranged to go on dates, and he never showed etc, but wouldn't tell me or show me the post/comments to "protect these womens privacy" so I asked him about it.
He told me that after we had a huge argument he went back on the dating sites as he thought we had broken up for good, and that yes he had reached out to other women but never went on the arranged dates.
He said it was because his love for me stopped him, and I'm the only woman he wants.
Ironically the post got deleted after my friend "told" me about it.
Was it malicious to try and drive a wedge between us?
We were really strong and now he is doubting himself again.

I'm now wondering where OP can live that's so close to a bikini-worthy beach yet is so impossibly hard to get to/from by public transport? Is there some secret sunny cove so remote that villagers an hour away can't access it by bus/taxi?

Yes at this point, we can see OP is trolling. Pathetic.

@AlphaKat44 Do you know his address, birthdate. Do you send him a birthday card/Christmas card.
I think you have been monumentally had but won’t admit it. Surely you have had suspicions about this person before now or have you swallowed everything he has said without question or critically thinking it through?
What do you intend to do about this now you have been enlightened?
Or will you carry on as before and dismiss everything you have been told?

Could be a deepfake, these days. More likely to be a man in a relationship who is enjoying getting the extra attention.

Bloody hell.
If this post is genuine, then OP is the most naive and gullible person I’ve come across in a very long while.

Sounds like the beginning of a Netflix documentary to me OP, sorry. 18 months is a long time to have not met someone who only lives an hour away. Second PP’s recommendation to watch The Beauty Queen and the Catfish on iPlayer.

Girl this is all bullshit, you could be actually meeting real people. Are you new to online dating? It's easy to get fixated on one person, that's beginner error. You're nothing to eavh other, you could meet and not fancy each other. Fine change with all his excuses. If he'd wanted to meet you he could of driven a different route, got a bus etc. Don't engage in his drama just move on. Even if you met and got on here a whole head fuck. Dating is supposed to be fun and easy going, no using the L word with people you have not met yet!!! Get swiping and don't look back.

If his anxiety is that overwhelming that he can't drive to you or meet you anywhere in 18 months, what chance is there for any kind of relationship. He sounds incredibly manipulative, please be kind to yourself and drop all contact. You are worth so much more than being his plaything.

You're not dating him or in a relationship with him.

Flee, at haste !

LTB

Which would be an absolute cinch in the OP's case!

It sounds like he just wants a female pen pal. He may be in a relationship already and just wants an ego boost or he has no intention of actually meeting you IRL and just likes the attention.

The truth could even more sinister (eg it could be part of an elaborate hoax)

Honestly you are better off without this. No good will come of it. Block, move on x

Sadly I can believe that women really can be this naive. Source: Several of my friends, colleagues and acquaintances and their questionable choices. Introduce a bit of oxytocin and all common sense and rationality leaves for many people.

Op you are being had. Surely you can see that. He is full of excuses. If he wanted to see you he would find away to get there even if it meant driving a much longer route. Is there some form of public transport available that could get you to his town or to some town that he can also reach?

You are wasting your time on this relationship. I wouldn't be surprised if you eventually get a message seeking money to cover his therapy etc.

This guy is using you as a massive boredom breaker and is most likely married. Either way he has zero intention of having a proper relationship with you and you need to wake up pronto before your life passes you by. 18 months and no face to face meet up is an absolute joke op, you’ll realise once you get out this how ridiculous it is, I’m sorry to say

What? Mental if this is true. Sorry to be blunt but get a grip and expect more than scraps.

We were really strong

No you weren't.

He's been lying to you from the start.

everytime he tries to drive over he has panic attacks behind the wheel when he gets to a certain place due to an accident where he and his mate were hit by a drink driver, and his mate was killed(It was a hit and run)

He's very obviously stringing you along. That's such a typical melodramatic, soap-opera story for someone to invent. He's a fantasist.

constantly doubts himself because his previous relationship was volatile on her part, she cheated and when he confronted her she cut him

That didn't happen. It just didn't. Again, it's made-up melodramatic soapy nonsense.

The reason your friend posted a picture is because she can see what literally everyone else can see but you have chosen to ignore: he is lying to you. He's never going to meet you. He's not who he says he is. He makes up lies and he probably does this to dozens of women. You're not in a relationship.

Cannot be bothered to read thru all the pages just to ask:

How can you be dating/in a relationship with someone youve never met?!

You need to ask yourself why you think you're worth so little.

And that's before you even get to the lies/cheating or whatever this turns out to be in reality.

How can you be strong if you haven't actually met? How can he possibly love someone he's never met.
It's ridiculous.

OP your friend is doing you the biggest favour ever. Listen to her.

Hd sounds like an episode of Catfish where he’s messaging loads of women’s to his mums spare room using someone else’s photos for his own entertainment.
It might not even be a man - there have been several serial catfish exposed who are middle aged women pretending to be young men messaging 100’s of girls for kicks

And on the off chance he’s who he says he is, he’s still wasting your life

He told me that after we had a huge argument he went back on the dating sites as he thought we had broken up for good

I'm sorry OP but you were never together. And I agree with someone else on here that an hour and way is nothing. A lot of people commutate that distance one way for 5 days a week, every week, to their workplace.

There is small chance he's telling the truth, but there's a much bigger chance that he's been future faking and stringing you along for his own validation and titillation this whole time.

Jesus wept...😳

The only thing worse than wasting 18m on this man is wasting another day. Move on.