18 months chatting but never met, now rumours online about him

[AlphaKat44]

Hey all!
I need some advice.
I've been involved with guy for 18 months, I connected with him on Hinge.
We've never met in person, only facetimed a couple of times, and its mostly Whatsapp.
He says the reason we haven't met yet in person is because of his anxiety, and his general mental health after witnessing several traumatic experiences.
He lives an hour away from me, but everytime he tries to drive over he has panic attacks behind the wheel when he gets to a certain place due to an accident where he and his mate were hit by a drink driver, and his mate was killed(It was a hit and run)
He also says he is "worried I won't like him" and constantly doubts himself because his previous relationship was volatile on her part, she cheated and when he confronted her she cut him.
Last week a person who I thought was a friend posted a picture I had showed her on Facebook (without his consent)
onto a group called "Are we dating the same guy?" and its made things worse for us.

Apparently this so called friend got anonymous comments on the posts from other women saying they had arranged to go on dates, and he never showed etc, but wouldn't tell me or show me the post/comments to "protect these womens privacy" so I asked him about it.
He told me that after we had a huge argument he went back on the dating sites as he thought we had broken up for good, and that yes he had reached out to other women but never went on the arranged dates.
He said it was because his love for me stopped him, and I'm the only woman he wants.
Ironically the post got deleted after my friend "told" me about it.
Was it malicious to try and drive a wedge between us?
We were really strong and now he is doubting himself again.

This isn’t a good relationship. You deserve more

He’s a giant catfish waving a red flag OP

The worst part is that children are involved in all this delusion.

Are you looking for a relationship or a project?

Your mate is one in a million. She is trying to show you his true colours. Block him and find someone who will meet up. Your online romance is a way for him to pass the time. He has no intentions of ever meeting you

THIS 👆I hope @AlphaKat44 has an epiphany over this thread. If you were in a proper relationship one of you (well both of you) would have made the effort to meet in person.

Honestly read that back to yourself 😂

I feel so sorry for your friend that took her time to do this for you. Imagine you saying she's trying to drive a wedge between you and your "lover" when she literally just saved you. Thank God she didn't give you screenshots, you would have sent them to the guy and endangered thr ladies.

This makes me think of that documentary I watched recently about a woman who had been cat fished into a similar relationship. Lasted online only for months/years and "he" became extremely controlling. Turned out it was the woman's female cousin who had made up a man/profile/pictures/everything 😭
It's called Sweet Bobby: My catfish nightmare.

Why are you wasting your time chatting for 18 months and believing this crap.
Or if it's true why go into something with so much angst already.
Jeeze get in the real world or be happy single.. 18 months no meet is a joke.

This is utterly ridiculous. You haven’t met him so you can’t love him. He’s only an hour away and yet you haven’t met in 18 months. Totally catfished you and he’s probably married and has 25 women all swooning over him his own online hareem.

dump and block.

Total BS. Honestly.

Has MN been hacked by some kind of ChatBot if that is the correct way of saying it. This is not the first kind of post whereby members interact and there is rarely any answer from the OP except for maybe a key word that gets some answer. e.g. drive answer I dont drive and that is it. I would like to think Admin MN themselves would have picked up on it. Are interactions already not enough on MN that it requires such a stupid post in order to gain traction. If the post is genuine then basically you are being played and I would run for the hills.

So he’s not left the house or his village in 18 months?

Thats absolute bullshit.

He hasn’t come to see you because he doesn’t want to see you and has no intention of ever doing so.

Why is your self esteem so low that you’re willing to claim you’re ‘involved’ with someone for 18 months who won’t even meet you for a quick coffee.

I’m sure he keeps you company which I’m glad of but you are absolutely not the only woman he’s talking to (he’s likely got a gf/wife that he regularly has sex with) and so do not put all of your eggs into one basket.

You are obviously ready for a relationship, so look for someone who actually wants to be with you.

Why on earth have you spent a a YEAR AND A HALF messaging some stranger online. Just stop, you don't know him, it's not a relationship.

So many red flags.

regardless of his reasons which probably aren’t genuine but also might be, why are you putting up with a penpal situation? Why don’t you just end it and then find someone with a sex drive that wants to spend time with you in the flesh?

Yup. Even if it was true why would you want someone like that?
op is his anxiety attractive as you think if you accept him he’ll be so grateful he’ll be good to you and never leave you? Men do NOT WORK LIKE that!

Jeez.

What did I just read 🤔

This is hilarious! Sorry OP- you sound like me circa 2000 when I’d develop crushes on male “friends” I talked to on the internet (I was late teens/early 20s). C’mon OP, get a grip!

Jesus wept, OP you seem very naive and gullible.
’every time he tries to drive he panics as his friend was killed on that road’ so there is only one road between him and you? he’s stuck in his town/street??
I honestly cannot believe anyone would take this seriously.

Hmmmm

I think your friend was trying to help, I think she wanted something definitive to show you to snap you out of this bubble. You need to meet him in-person; pick a PUBLIC PLACE you can both get to and give him one last chance to meet. If he doesn't turn up, then you know it's done.

I have had quite a bit of experience of online relationships and honestly the biggest reason men backed out or refused to meet in public is because they were married or in serious relationships. I spent well over a year chatting to someone whose face I never saw and honestly I do think back and wonder what on earth I was thinking of. He too was 'private' and 'afraid I wouldn't like him when I saw him'. It was nonsense, I know he was hiding something and it bothers me that I never found out what it was.
Don't waste your life on losers.

Get a grip. This person has no intentions of ever meeting you. The thrill for them is to string people along.

You were "really strong"?

You've never met the guy!!

Oh for goodness sake - you haven't even met him !!!

Just get swiping ,and stop wasting each other's time.